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My story

Joined: 3/19/2014
Posts: 2
About a girl who was told to describe herself and chose to write about it instead.

Disclaimer: This story is not based on me, and could be triggering. Also this story is not finished and is a start to a short story. I am only sharing this story to get feedback on if I should continue it or not.

Start story below:


Sometimes I wonder what no, correction, I always wonder what my future will come to be. Will I marry someone from my hometown? How many children will I have? What will they look like? What will their names be? What college will I go to or even what job will I have?

Life is full of mystery. We're all going to have questions about the future, that's what's great about life. Time can stop in an instant, but everything in your surroundings can still be moving. In life, most things are black and white, laid out for you. For me, I'm the one little grey patch in the mix. It was him. He changed me for the worse.

He pulled me into the rain, the burning storm erupting thunder in the sunniest places and striking lightning on the most beautiful flowers. Every waking moment I was worrying about why I was still thinking about him. It was because I saw him at his most vulnerable. I saw him in a place where he was no longer the alpha, but I stood on top of the mountain. And soon enough came the day when he fled with a tight grasp on my wrist.

He fled to high heavens because a peak of sunshine was in the corner of his darkness. He was always like that. He loved the rush of the rain and the actions he took when he was as high as the Empire State Building, and if someone tried to help him the slightest bit, he ran away.

Now where do I fit into all of this? Well I am his toy. I am the little sister who covered her ears to all the music blasting from downstairs. I'm the little sister who locked her door so no one tumbled in trying to have some "fun". I'm the little sister who can't have friends over or go on any dates because her house reeks of pot and her brother would bully those trying to take the only family he had. I'm the little sister who sits, crying next to the hospital bed every time he overdoses. I would look at his weak body struggling to pull through. I'd sign him out of the hospital one morning, just to see him smoke the moment his foot steps in the door.

I'm the little sister.

Chapter 2:


I am the girl who sits in the back of the class. The one who hides her eyes with her hair because she is too afraid to see what the world is like.

I am the girl who is worried people are staring and making fun of her, so I look down. I look down to the ground so no one can see the thoughts racing through my mind. I don't look in the mirror because I am afraid of what I will see, I am afraid I will meet my eyes. The eyes that belong to me, the eyes whose color doesn't ring a bell in my mind. And yet for the slightest second when I do see my reflection, my eyes resemble the deep forest leaves.

I am the girl whose favorite color is black because that's all she sees when she hides her hands in her face. And even though life should be full of color, still, all I see is black.

This is all I have so far so some of it may not make sense. Comments and opinions on it would be greatly appreciated, thank you!:)
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Comment by Vintage_Bandit

Joined: 5/21/2015
Posts: 6
Wow. Just wow. Your story had some epic imagery and you were able to portray the emotional states of your charachetr fantastically. I really enjoyed your descriptions
Posted: Friday, May 22, 2015 1:13:08 AM
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