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My Song: "Stars" by Warpaint lulled me to sleep after surgery

Joined: 8/9/2012
Posts: 2
Independence is my middle name. I always was able to take care of myself. Other than my control complex, I am a very easy going person. It’s contradiction at its best. Rarely do I ever cry, let alone show any emotion other than utter indignation and ignorant joy. I seldom break down in public. But that all changed in mid-October.

I had been genetically cursed with a bad back and had chosen a stagnant lifestyle. My herniated disc was a mystery to everyone, including myself. Everyone asked how a relatively healthy eighteen-year-old had a condition that was prevalent amongst middle-aged men and women. I deducted, with some logical reasoning, that my lack of balance and poise had set me up for many back injuries. Any movement coming from my body couldn’t be labeled graceful. I guess all those years of clumsiness added up and one ordinary day I did something I always did, fall, then I felt pain soon after.

Christmas night, I twisted the wrong way and angered my herniated disc. Before I knew it, my parents were driving me to the emergency room. I couldn’t walk, stand, or sit. All I could do was lay on my stomach. The morphine that filled my veins temporarily numbed the pain, but once I was home the pain crept up from behind and crippled me. My parents couldn’t take seeing their baby girl constantly scream out in pain. They got on the phone and demanded I get emergency surgery.

I had to wait three days until my surgery. The pain pills fogged my thinking and fatigued my body. All I could do was eat, cry, and go to the bathroom. The hospital bed, with its plastic railing that fenced me in, made me feel like I was a baby contained in a crib. I wanted to take care of myself, but my physical condition and the helpful nurses wouldn’t allow me to. Instead of feeling cared for, I felt helpless.

The nurses put a cap on the morphine I was able to use. The persistent pain made it hard to get comfortable, let alone fall asleep. My mother brought my iPod from home. It drowned out the beat of the heart monitor and the buzzing of other various machines in close proximity to my bed. I listened to Warpaint’s “Stars” until the dreamy song made my mind drift off to a blackened night only illuminated by the distant stars.

The song asked, “Oh wonderful one why are you like that?” My sobs hushed, my tears dried, and my breathing slowed.

The lyric, “Just like the stars upon your ceiling that put you to sleep after” gave the illusion that twinkling stars were actually above my hospital bed. Then the song transported me to a warm summer’s night where I was laying on my back in middle of my yard. Sleeping and dreaming was my escape. There the pain was just a silly nightmare and not my harsh reality.
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