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Marriage: Isn't What It's Cracked Up to Be

Joined: 5/2/2009
Posts: 472
Marriage is a word I am sick of hearing. Marriage is something that I, honestly, have no clue if I will ever be ready for. Marriage scares me. Marriage makes me question my entire relationship.

I used to think that marriage was something amazing, that you did with the one person who you were truly in love with. Over the past 4 years, my opinion of marriage has changed drastically.

When I began dating my current boyfriend over 4 years ago, I wanted to marry him, right from the get go, smother him with my love and be the all-American wife. I soon learned that there is a lot more to life than getting married at 18.

As the black sheep of my family, I am 21 (22 in April, and not married. I am not engaged, and I am in no financial position to even think of planning a wedding. I am graduating college and doing the "unthinkable" (in my family)...thinking of myself.

I spent most of my life waiting for the right guy, the proposal, the dress, the wedding, and the reception. Sadly, one day I woke up and realized that fairy tales don't exist. My older sister's husband cheated on her with her best friend for 4 years, of their 7-year marriage, while she underwent fertility, and while she was pregnant. He left her a few weeks after their premature son left the NICU.

My best friend recently watched her grandfather re-marry after only a year and a half after her grandmother’s death. After a 40 plus year marriage, he professed his love and proposed to another woman a year later. Obviously, I have never been married and don’t know what is like, but I can’t help but wonder how “easy” it is to find another “love of my life”. Do you just superimpose the new person into your life as though they are the old love, or do you change everything about your life to create a new love?

I no longer hold marriage as dearly as I once did. Although it was not my marriage that ended, I question my relationship and the thought of marriage often. I want to give myself time to "heal" from the slaughtered image of marriage that I now have. It is not often that you stumble on a love that is everlasting and I intend to make sure mine is stable enough to make it that long.

It seems to me, that people don’t regard marriage as highly as they should. The last time I checked marriage vows read, “for better or for worse”. So when people think that things aren’t going well and they should give up and cheat or get a divorce, just remember that is exactly what you signed up for when you said “for better or for worse”.

An amazing person I know was just recently proposed to and she said yes. My hope is that as an almost 22 year old she takes marriage as seriously as it should be taken, thinks about all the challenges and sacrifices, and knows what she is getting into. She deserves only the best and I pray that she get just that.

I know that one day my time will come, and my boyfriend will (hopefully) propose, but for now, I am sick of people asking if we are getting married or when we are going to take the plunge. I have enough to focus on with my graduation from college, moving, and enjoying life. Maybe we will run away to Vegas and spare ourselves the drama of a traditional wedding, or maybe I will lather myself up it insane amounts of white to walk down the traditional aisle. Right now, I couldn’t be any more unsure, but the one thing I do know is, I will take my time and do it my way.

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