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I am scared of Nostalgia

Joined: 6/3/2012
Posts: 1
Big hairy spiders. Or furry monsters with snarling teeth beneath the bed. It seemed like everything in the darkness had the power to scare, to haunt, to terrify. Pulling the sheets over my head, I could just shut those fears away. As a child, I breathed fearlessness. I had no fears greater than hoping my parents wouldn't yell at me for smearing play-doh on the walls or the creaky stairs leading down to the musty basement. The bliss of the past seems beautiful from afar. From watching Pokemon on T.V. after coming home from school, to making pillow forts in the living room, to flying kites in the summer... Nostalgia is so gripping, and strangely beautiful and sad and terrifying all mixed together. Memories, even the happiest ones, haunt me. This yearning for the past in my heart and at times, my disillusionment with the way technology has engulfed my life and the pressures of school, have suffocated me. It's nice to think of a better time when everything was just... easier. But I grew older. The world changed. And those times exist now only in my memories. No matter how much I want to go back to that time and place that I so wish I could come home to, no matter how much I tap my shoes together, I can't go back. Nostalgia is so enticing because it clouds all the bad memories of the past and floods it with rosy hues of bliss and happiness. I don't want to fall for its trap though. Of course, we all have bad memories. The past isn't perfect, and I don't want to live in it. Reality is frightening. Sure. But what's absolutely terrifying is living each and every day in the present longing for the past. Missing a beautiful moment because I'm constantly thinking about what has already happened. Nostalgia is scary because I'm afraid it will hold me back from enjoying the happiness that exists in my life now. I fear the past me is trying to steal me back. I like the me now though, so I belong and want so deeply to stay in the present.
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