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My Song: "Blackbird" Bringing Me to Memories



Joined: 6/29/2012
Posts: 3
zenarein
Blackbird by The Beatles

I put the white ear buds into my ears. The soft strumming of the guitar and the clicking of the record fill my mind and, without a second’s delay, I am sent back to two years ago.

There are three of us under the great oak tree with extending limbs to the everlasting sapphire sky and heavenly shade—Paul and Hallie, my two best friends, and I. In Paul’s arms rests a guitar, borrowed from the music department, and his fingers stroke the strings, allowing the chords and notes to dance in the clear spring air. His tenor voice quietly murmurs the lyrics as Hallie and I sit silently. I had never heard this song before but I could not help but think it sounded so peaceful and so perfect.

When the chorus began, Hallie joined in with her clear bell-like voice. Beside them both, I sat silently smiling at my friends, the worries of finals, school, and drama all blown away with the wind bristling through the oak leaves.

In the midst of my most depressing year, where I began waging war with myself—the period where I began cutting and an endless cycle of self-loathing—there was this singular gleam of happiness and perfection. I did not realize it then and the day passed. What followed and continued were periods of endless depression where I fought against myself and a constant desire of a permanent end to my torturous thoughts. That day lay forgotten.

A year later, I downloaded the song on a reminiscent whim. The first time it played, that singular memory flooded into my brain. I got sent back to the grass and to Paul and Hallie singing. With its quiet sounds and the soothing voice, for four minutes and 36 seconds, I could forget the pain, the uncertainty, the depression, and just bathe in sound waves.

With it on repeat, I could fall asleep to the chirping of birds. My half-broken black ear buds brought me to a safe haven that nothing in reality could.

Two years later. I’m okay. I survived one suicide attempt. I survived with battle scars all over my arm. I survived alive. I am alive.

Now looking back on those days and months of what I viewed as torture, rather than remembering the nights I cried and the pain I felt, I remember that sunny day when “Blackbird” lyrics floated through the air.

I no longer need the song for me to sleep. I no longer play the song daily in effort to escape reality. However, every once in a while, shuffle brings the song to play and without fail, I smile.

That’s my happy memory. That’s my happy place. That’s my magical moment in the least expected time and place. That’s the song that saved me in the world of despair and chaos. That’s the song that still makes me smile as I remember.
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