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My Song: ''Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park illustrates how quick we are to mute pain and hide it from the world when instead



Joined: 7/30/2012
Posts: 1
jgrossbard
Wind slashes through my thin coat, the threadbare letters carved out, lined in black dashes. Another loose thread hangs from its resting place, pulled none too gently by the whip of the wind. This is my punishment. No one comes here. The corner of the building; far enough away to hide, and angled just enough so the vultures can circle. Warmth emanates from the building. You can’t go there. You don’t belong there. It’s not for you, my mind echoes in almost a chorus. In my hand rests a thick shard of glass broken off a bottle. “It’s a secret. It’ll be my secret,” I speak sweetly to myself. And if I hadn’t known better I’d almost be inclined to listen. “Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door; I try to catch my breath again.” The bathroom door slams shut with a taunting thwack. Things here are always teasing me. The sinks lips lie smothered under wet sheets, an impressive feat considering the lack of visitors. Asphyxiation, the mirror would gossip to anyone willing to listen. I clutch at the triangular piece, its edges pressing lightly into my palm, as the mirror strains her ears for the faintest. ”I hurt much more, than anytime before; I have no options left again.” The piece glimmers in my palm, as the devil in my head whispers sweet promises in tongues, each one coated in a bit more desperation than the last as the innocence within me leans into its touch. I do not give her the satisfaction. I do not give anyone the satisfaction they yearn for. Clasping the shard between my fingers I carve into the letters on the ground of my corner. The letters grasping for your attention, your affection. I carry them with me everyday, and everyday I write for you another. And for a moment I am safe, nestled deeply in the sanctuary of your invisible arms, and as the wind strikes me, I feel nothing. I see you after school. I hide in plain sight from you, rubbing a delicate finger over the pronounced edges of the triangular piece. If I see you I’ll give it to you, I promise myself. You repeat my name and I jolt out of my skin. Eyeing the bin at the right I slip the little piece in with the rest. I ask to hold you and you accept. Tears I don’t recall crying become lost in the paneling of your jacket. I wonder briefly if it hurts you to do this. Your voice is riddled with concern, and for a moment it’s almost as if you care for me. I grasp at the soft paneled fabric and look up at you clearly through tear ridden eyes. You don’t make me tell you, you don’t force the answer out, you stand there as I hold onto you tightly; because we both know the moment I let go, you’ll become untouchable and come tomorrow I’ll hold your invisible hands once more.
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