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I Overcame My Own Heart



Joined: 5/26/2011
Posts: 1
jyamamura
I could cut off her hair. It would be so easy. I would take a pair of scissors, on the bus one day, and sit right behind her.
It wouldn’t work. I’d get in trouble.
I could drop an anonymous tip to the cops. I heard her talk about drugs before, so I wouldn’t be lying. Something like that could really ruin her life.
The funny thing is, I hardly even remember that conversation, so long ago. I never forgot the feeling, though. I never forgot that she must pay.
As I sit here considering all these things, I know I must have gone insane somewhere along the lines. I’m a pacifist. In my mind, I know that none of this is her fault. She didn’t see how much it hurt my feelings. Even if she did, it’s still not her fault—it’s her upbringing. I have no idea what she’s going through. It goes against all my beliefs, to pass judgment on her. If I seek revenge, I’m being worse than she is. But even so, I can’t stop the gnawing—the screaming, deep in my stomach.
What is my heart telling me?
My heart tells me she deserves to burn in hell.
And it dawns on me. The perfect plan. Not some fantasy. Simple. Clean. Legal.
I’ll tell her that she’s scum and deserves to burn in hell—in a serious tone, but not too dark. Not a threat, but something to scare her.
My brain tries to reason with my heart, one more time.
If I’m realistic with myself—if I have any perspective at all—I must know she’s just a symbol for all the injustices in the universe, for everyone who’s ever made fun of me. Where does my wrath truly belong? With one girl?
But this time I have to win, with so many injustices in the world. This time I won’t back down.
The day’s almost over. I follow her back to her seat, on the bus.
I want to see to it that no one else suffers by her hands. I want her to suffer, so she won’t ever hurt anyone else again.
She looks up at me, noticing as I hover over her.
The words dangle at my lips. I’m not afraid. Not this time.
“What?” she says, looking up at me, annoyed.
I look away.
I close my eyes.
“It’s OK.”
“What the...?” She squints, confused.
I sit down a few seats away and sink into the chair. I can hear her friends giggle.
My heart still screams. How embarrassing it feels, over something so small. I doubt that it will stop anytime soon. I guess sometimes, though, your heart just really isn’t in the right place.
I can hear them calling me names. I look out the window.
Everyone thinks justice is about the wrongdoer. What a stupid mistake, when someone else’s heart is screaming.
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Comment by mcoly618


Joined: 5/2/2009
Posts: 472
Hi, I'm the PR Coordinator for Stage of Life. I'm leaving you this comment to let you know that your essay for our Teens and Overcoming Challenges writing contest was one of the finalists. Congratulations!

Here's the link to the contest summary page. We'll be formally announcing the winner soon.
http://www.stageoflife.com/Teen_Challenges.aspx

Feel free to share this news with your friends and family. To be named an essay finalists in our national writing competition is a big deal. Our previous winners have been talked about on TIME.com and other media outlets.

Congrats again. We look forward to seeing more of your essays/writing on StageofLife.com. Thanks for helping us in our mission of creating the world's largest pool of cross-generational stories.
Posted: Monday, June 6, 2011 6:43:32 PM
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