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I overcame having no home

Joined: 5/21/2011
Posts: 1
Dear Diary,

In October of 2010 I watched the woman who had spent the past 16 years of her life dedicated to protecting me break down. We were ordered to pack everything in our apartment and move out by 7 A.M. At the time, it was already 7 P.M. She had no idea that I was aware, but for the last year I knew she had been struggling tremendously; scrounging enough from friends to add to the insufficient money her disability paychecks gave her to make ends meet. She packed little things here and there while I was at school over the months; disguising the truth with false smiles to create the illusion that the move soon to come was a choice of her own rather than an order given by the state. The overdue rent had piled up to an amount so high that she could no longer evade our fate. We were homeless. I looked away as she cried and spit curses to the wind in my shaky attempt to appear strong. I felt my throat tighten as I fought the reflexive urge to cry with her. The overwhelming sense of dread drowned me in its torturous attempt to leave me breathless and unable to fight back. Somehow I found the strength inside of myself to fight back the tears and the unshakable feeling of hopelessness and immersed myself in total numbness in order to do one of the most emotionally draining things of my life. I grabbed empty boxes that were lounging around in the living room for some time and began robotically placing things into them. It only took a couple of hours but it felt like an eternity and when I was finished I moved on to other parts of the house that needed to be taken care of. I was erasing evidence of my life as a packed. Box by box the pieces of my life were being shackled by flimsy cardboard. The fatigue of the never-ending packing threatened menacingly to render our bodies motionless, but we pushed through the pain. I fell asleep tucked tightly into the familiar warmth of my mom and when I awoke she had already taken the public bus to the nearest U-Haul to use the last of her bank account to rent a truck. With nobody to bear witness, I crawled into a corner and welcomed the burning sensation of tears stinging my eyes. When the rumbling of the truck echoed in the silence of dawn I quickly wiped my face and began to move boxes down stairs. I could never let her know how broken I was so I put on my game face and pushed through the fear of having no place to go. Today I can finally sift through the darkness we experienced that forced me to mature and see how it taught me to appreciate all that I have and the people I share it with.

Yours Truly, Carolina
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