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I Overcame the Fear of a Choir Teacher



Joined: 5/24/2011
Posts: 1
emeecamee
As my mom says, “Feelings aren’t facts,” but it can feel like they are. When you give a presentation, sing a solo, or dance alone in front of someone, the feelings of judgment and nervousness seem real, alive, and factual. Although they often aren’t, I had convinced myself in the seventh grade that my choir teacher was judging me constantly when I sang a solo, answered a question, or sang in a small group. Without saying anything, he made me feel like I was never worth listening to, and I began to hate that feeling and fear the man who brought it to the surface. Although he had never really known who I was, or said anything hurtful specifically to me, I felt that he was determined to see the worst in me.

I love to sing, in musicals especially, act, and try to improve through my experiences. As a result, I have tried out for each annual musical at my school and my city’s youth production each year. Although both the school and city’s musicals were similar, there was a difference – at school I was being put in the chorus, yet in the youth production I was given main roles. I was upset with just this choir teacher (although there were other teachers helping to pick parts) because of my small role. I felt that in the more professional youth production, I was being placed on top, while in a more amateur setting, I was being placed below. The choir teacher’s philosophy that non-ninth graders could not be in the spotlight fueled my burning hate for this teacher even more as I was disregarded.

Interestingly enough, even though I was so mad at this director, I didn't do anything about it. Instead, I became scared of his judgment. I was scared to perform in front of him because I thought he would judge me unfairly and never give me another chance, thus ruining my odds of ever performing at school.

This year, finally in the ninth grade, I practiced for the upcoming musical try-outs. I perfected my best audition song. I came to auditions nervous, but with friends who helped me. I sang my heart out and made call backs for the main parts. In the end, I was given the lead role in the musical. Surprised and uncontrollably happy, I gave the musical my all; it became the highlight of my year. It was finally known that I could sing and act and that I loved it.

I became a teacher’s pet, which was unpredictable; my choir teacher picks his favorites in seventh grade and they don’t change. But somehow the rules were bent for me. Currently, his aggravating voice comes through praise of me in front of our class, where many of which feel the way I did. I try to build my peers up, so that they will have confidence. I’ve found that compliments helped my self-esteem and I hope it will help them as well. Now that I’ve overcame my fear of my choir teacher, I have greater confidence not only to know that I am good at what I do, but to tell others of when they excel.
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