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I Overcame My Pride

Joined: 5/24/2011
Posts: 1
I was starting off the year in all honors classes. I couldn’t imagine going one more year through the system at regular level classes. Ever since I came to this school, I couldn’t help but feel superior to my fellow classmates, who were always at least a year behind me. In my old school, they always went ahead to make sure the students were smarter than the average 5th grader. Coming to Bernardsville Middle School felt like taking a step back. It was like the teachers couldn’t see my brilliance no matter what I did. But no matter, I was in honors as a freshman for all of my classes. I felt so together: I had the intelligence, the friends, and the support, though I didn’t feel I needed any of it. But, unfortunately, none of my friends were in honors really, except one. She was in my eighth period gym and ninth period honors biology. At first, I was somewhat relieved none of them would be in my classes to hold me back with them. But at the lunch table, they would talk about all kinds things that happened in class that day or talk about a Bedminster kid who was really fun and they were hanging out soon. I knew none of the students from Bedminster.
I was ok with the friends I did have however, until I couldn’t see them anymore. The work load increased for me as book projects, math posters, and history research papers piled up. I could get the work done because it wasn’t particularly challenging, but I couldn’t get a good grade without dedicating all my free time to assignments. So I missed birthdays, I missed blowout parties, I missed just hanging out for an hour or two. It was all too much and my mind began slipping. I got the feeling I was an outcast in my own group anytime I could see them; I couldn’t talk about the last time we had a good time because I wasn’t there last time. I thought they hated having me around. I stopped asking to come anywhere and stopped accepting their invitations because I thought they just stood around behind my back, snickering about the stuck up I became, the ugly clothes I wore, and anything that could possibly be wrong with me. I started to do the same. I looked in the mirror and scrutinized myself. Every outfit I wore and every move I made had to be perfect. I could care less about honors Biology, as long as it gave me time to work out. I was out of control, I fought with my parents, and I hurt myself. They couldn’t understand.
One day, I slowed down. I reflected on everything I did in the past year and came up with nothing. I was right back where I began, except now I had a lot to recover from. I turned to the school counselor, swallowed my pride, and stated healing.
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