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I overcame my green eyed monster.



Joined: 5/6/2011
Posts: 1
savanna.wardlaw23
I’m happy, happy go lucky if you ask my friends. Nothing ever seems to make my red haired fiery temper blaze but this has. It’s amazing how ridiculously unfair life can be sometimes, and so lately I just wonder “What’s the point? Why should I try?”
I am responsible. I have goals, and I’m a hard worker. Granted, I am also a procrastinator but I have a record of success. I am an international baccalaureate candidate, which is supposedly one of the most difficult school courses in the world. I have a high GPA. I am a member of the North Hall swim team. I’m a lifeguard. I have shown them that I won’t blow this and waste their money. I have shown them that I won’t become a drop out. I have shown them that I deserve more.
Haven’t I?
He didn’t try. He barely scraped out of high school. He went to a community college for two months or so before he dropped out. After dropping out he signed up for the Air Force but when time came for him to go to boot camp… he didn’t go. Instead, he went and committed a felony. He burnt that house down to the ground but a house wasn’t just any house. It was a home and it was my father’s.
My brother set his own father’s home on fire.
I remember walking through the rubble. The smell seeped so deeply into my father and me, that for the next four days, we reeked of smoke. My dad hides pain well but I knew his trick. It’s the same trick I use. Laughter may be the best medicine, but sometimes it’s also just the best illusion.
He wants to go to college full time, again. Who is going to pay for this whim? My family already struggles financially due to his lawyer, medical, and psychiatric bills. I have some scholarships for college but I still need help. I am a junior in high school. I haven’t even had my chance to go to college yet. He has. He blew it. It’s my turn, right? This isn’t fair, is it?
I’m not the good guy in this story. I am not an underdog. I am a green eyed monster. My life has just become a parallel to the Biblical story of the prodigal son. I am the envious, older son, or rather the little sister. I want my brother to succeed it’s just…I want my turn too.
I don’t believe this jealousy will ever completely disappear but I have reached a peace. Every morning I studied two verses and little by little this ritual has ebbed away at my bitterness.
Matthew 6: 26 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
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