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I overcame - My Fractured Hope



Joined: 5/4/2011
Posts: 1
Shinjini
I overcame - My Fractured Hope

Bits and pieces of innocent hope were lying on the floor. A blue blade lay to my right. And tiny sparkles of dust shone through the window. And I cried.
Wrong words. I wailed. I wept. And I remembered what I tried so hard to forget.
I remembered the plastic smiles on their faces as they rushed towards me. I remembered their façade of fake friendship and acceptance that I so eagerly fell into. I remember the words they didn’t intend for me to hear ‘Did you see what she wore? Did she think she could pull off that dress? She’s not beautiful – she has to accept that’.
I remember standing in front of the mirror and picking and prodding at the ugly parts. Whispering prayers. Hoping for answers. Answers that never came.
And I remember the girls standing clumped in a circle. I remember walking up to them. And I remember the way they turned away. The way they left me standing alone to pick up the pieces of hope that I had once clutched to close to my heart.
And I remember the scars. I still see them scattered all over my arm. The pain that I let myself feel. . I remember those long sleeves in the sweltering heat that stuck to my body.
I remember the look on Ma’s face when she saw my test scores. Disappointment. And I remember the words Dad lashed out, ugly words that still pulse through my every heartbeat.
I remember asking for help. And then Dad agreeing, tomorrow he had said First thing. I remember that it never came.
And then I remember the phone call. The last straw. ‘I didn’t get in’ and then the sobs ‘I can’t pay’. My best friend’s life’s dreams were shattered in a millisecond. The Ivy League had rejected her. After all which college would be willing to take in an international student who couldn’t pay even living expenses. And the silent cracking of the already broken hope that I had leaned on. If she couldn’t go, how could I?
I remember how the truth had resonated so loudly that day.
And that brought me back to the present... fractured hope on the floor. Me weeping into my hands. And then I take out the tiny box of pills that I saved. Backup I had thought. Now it was plan A.
Then taking one. And then picking up another.
My jump.
No 1800 helpline. No miraculous response from God.
And then the Fall.
~
I didn’t do it.
I caught the rope. Something that came down at the last moment. Or something that I had refused to see before. I saw them crying. Lives breaking like mine. And I remember the life that mattered so much before. Mine.
And the hope fit itself together. A scar was all that remained of the ordeal.
Hope had given me a choice.
A rope.
And I grabbed it with both hands.
And I never let it go.
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Comment by mcoly618


Joined: 5/2/2009
Posts: 472
Hi, I'm the PR Coordinator for Stage of Life. I'm leaving you this comment to let you know that your essay for our Teens and Overcoming Challenges writing contest was one of the finalists. Congratulations!

Here's the link to the contest summary page. We'll be formally announcing the winner soon.
http://www.stageoflife.com/Teen_Challenges.aspx

Feel free to share this news with your friends and family. To be named an essay finalists in our national writing competition is a big deal. Our previous winners have been talked about on TIME.com and other media outlets.

Congrats again. We look forward to seeing more of your essays/writing on StageofLife.com. Thanks for helping us in our mission of creating the world's largest pool of cross-generational stories.
Posted: Monday, June 6, 2011 7:01:44 PM
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