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Marriage: It Only Works With the Perfect Person

Joined: 2/8/2011
Posts: 1
I sometimes begin to wonder where the value of marriage has been slipping away to. I come from a family with parents happily, stably married, along with my grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles. It wasn’t until high school that I realized how much of a rarity this life is. Of all my friends, only one has parents who are still voluntarily living together. One girl’s mother and father have said that they are only waiting until her younger brother turns 18 to divorce, and make it abundantly clear that they are counting the days until they no longer have to put up with each other. Others are shuttled from house to house every other weekend or even every other day. And I watch this drama, the fights, and hear about parents shamelessly using their children as leverage against the spouse.
It endlessly confuses me. I was raised with the stories told by my grandparents, who were married when my grandmother was 17 and my grandfather 20. Now, more than 40 years later, they still call each other by pet names, sit next to each other on the couch, and hold hands in the car.
This is my idea of a marriage: an equal partnership between two people who truly doubt they could live without the other. So why has it become so different today? Why does marriage seem more a matter of impulse, not commitment? Maybe because it isn’t considered a permanent state anymore. Passing billboards for divorce lawyers, sometimes multiple within half an hour on the highway, makes me wince. I am a firm believer in the part of the wedding vow that states “as long as you both shall live,” or “until death do you part.” Even if the two people involved don’t mind going back on their vows, don’t regret the life they could have had together, the effect on their children is terrible. I know classmates whose ideas about how a relationship should work, how they should behave toward their significant other, shock me. This is, I think, because they grew up in households with parents who have screaming fights on a daily basis, often trying to pull their children in on one side or the other. I have witnessed the marriages that have fallen apart, and in most I can diagnose the cause: an impulsive decision made when the man and woman had known each other less than a year. I may never end up marrying, because I am waiting for the perfect person, with whom I’ve spent the years that are necessary to decide that this is the person I can’t stand the thought of life without.
Perhaps I’m just young and idealistic, as a classmate informed me when she realized how strongly I felt about this. But I can’t wait to walk down the aisle, because I know that will only happen when I have truly found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
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Comment by michness

Joined: 1/25/2011
Posts: 210
There may not be a such thing as a perfect person, but there is a such thing as the perfect person for you :)
Posted: Tuesday, February 8, 2011 3:34:49 PM
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