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Weather: Am I Just a Puppet in Mother Nature’s Game?



Joined: 3/22/2015
Posts: 1
asialaguio
I, myself, live in northern Ohio, the place where the weather is unpredictable and the winters are the worst. Growing up, the weather never had an impact on my life besides my horrendous allergies in autumn. Except, until I was about 12 years old, I began having seasonal depression. Once, it became colder, and the warmth turned into the brisk winter I became more secluded than I already was and never had motivation to live, well, at least even less motivation than usual. It became worse and worse as the years went on and by the December of 2014, I had hit rock bottom of my depression. I had begun to self-harm even more and made more horrible decisions. I started self-harming around August of 2013.
That December I had gotten drunk for the first time and my whole side was covered in more and more cuts to the point that my friends (or who I considered friends at the time) called me, “Zebra”. I was never able to be around so many people after an extended amount of time and would have a panic attack, cry, hyperventilate, and walk home from wherever I was through the 3 feet of snow.
Soon enough in January of 2014 I was sent to a hospital for borderline personality and suicidal teens. I stayed for one night. I remember I acted happy and normal to be able to leave the next day. That was the most idiotic place ever and had no impact on my life.
This past winter I actually almost attempted suicide. The only reason I really didn’t was because my boyfriend, who lives in New York, would have no way of knowing of what happened to me.
As the winter starts to break and spring starts to show through in mid-March, I start to become more of my quirky, dorky self. In the start of spring though, I wake up sometimes feeling like I’m back at my home town in central Ohio and I just become homesick to the point where I will sit there and just cry. The feeling passes within a few hours though and I become more myself. On gloomy days outside I still become really down again. I’ll curl into a ball in the corner of my bed and sob underneath a blanket.
The weather has such an effect on my life I hate it. It’s like this thing that controls me like a stringed puppet.
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