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I am thankful for my body.

Joined: 11/4/2010
Posts: 5
When I remember how it all started, I have to trudge back through a mind filled thick with insecurities. The summer of 2008 has always been a synonym for tears and dashed hopes. I think of myself on my bed trying to muffle my crying with my face buried in "Snow" my stuffed bunny I've had since I was two. At the time, these releases of emotion made me loathe myself more. If I was strong, why was I crying?
I grew up in a shadow. A shadow that belonged to my best friend: the amazing-at-everything girl. And she is amazing too, I realize that now. But because I was wrapped up in trying to keep up, and step out of her shadow, my self image went kaput. This jealously made me even more hypersensitive to my body image. If I was her best friend, why was I thinking of her in this mean way?
"My legs aren't long enough, my waist not skinny enough." went the little voice inside of me. It felt like my body was the only thing I could change to be better than my friend. I could be skinnier. I prided myself in that.
Learning to look at myself through pure eyes is what sculpted my change. Eyes not tinted by media's "perfect" image, eyes not shaded by the influences of peers, eyes tuned to my own life, not jealously shifting to others to find guidance. Eyes that look upon the image in the mirror as blessed with legs that can feel the rich burn in my muscles as I run, arms that hug, hands that can help and lips that can feel the brisk kiss of the stars that wink at me.
Now I can remember 2008 as the summer when I grew closer to my brother, the summer when I began my amazing job as a waitress. Whenever those mucky memories of insecurities resurfaces, I push them out the door and and remember that not everybody has what I have: a body. I am fortunate.
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