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Scar: I am my own worst enemy

Joined: 10/26/2014
Posts: 1
She stared. He stared. They all stared. I just knew they did. Their eyes roamed over my body. I knew what they thought of me. I knew they could barely hold in their judgmental opinions.
Worst of all was the person that seemed to follow me everywhere. I saw her wherever I went. Every window and mirror I looked into, she was there. The worst thing was she gave me this smirk every time she looked into my eyes. Her eyes twinkled with evil intentions like she was already planning my next torture. What was it going to be this time? No food for a whole day? Running until my legs burned?
The worst was the mental persecution. She would make me stand still in just my underwear and peruse me with those cruel eyes. My thighs had to be a certain width apart. My face had to spotless, no pimples, just like models in a magazine. My stomach had to be flat. Ribs to her were a badge of pride. Being skinny was an honor, so I thought.
By the end, she would tell me all that was wrong with me and leave nothing out. I just stood there and listened. I felt like I was stuck in a box with nowhere to go. When she was done, I was mentally exhausted. I would turn away from her and walk step by step to my bed. I wouldn’t even make it. I would fall to my knees on the floor and let the tears flow. This was my only time for freedom.
She wouldn’t see me break down. No one would. I brought my knees to my chest and rocked. The tears just kept coming until there was no more water left in me. I was too tired to try and fight back after that and closed my eyes. I would sleep a few hours at best, wake up, and begin the process all over again.
She haunted me for months, and I couldn’t seem to escape her. She seemed so real, so powerful, but she was only a delusion. She was the voice in my head that had come to life when my eating disorder had taken over my life. My confidence crumbled in her presence, cause I was never good enough, never thin enough.
It took me a while to find my way back to a healthy diet. I had this anger inside of me. I was never comfortable in my own skin and that just took a toll on me This past year has been spent finding myself again and recovering what the disorder had done to me. I still remember those days when I was paranoid of calories and other people. Going through that left me wondering what other girls go through concerning their body image. Every day, I am learning to love myself, and it doesn’t matter what’s on the outside. It’s on the inside that counts.
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Comment by thiegsr

Joined: 11/6/2008
Posts: 702
On behalf of the entire editorial board, I would like to congratulate you for your Scar Story essay being chosen as 1 of the 11 essays in the running for 1st place for our October 2014 teen writing competition. Be proud of your accomplishment. We had almost 200 essays submitted for October’s contest.

We are in the process of selecting our top three winners, and naming the 1st place winner from the narrowed field.

We will post all winning essay results by November 30th. You can check this page for the results after November 30th:

Thanks for adding your voice to our mission “Changing the World . . . One Story at a Time” and feel free to share your accomplishment.

Rebecca Thiegs Co-Founder and Education Consultant
Posted: Tuesday, November 4, 2014 5:53:48 PM
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Comment by admin

Joined: 10/30/2008
Posts: 29
On behalf of the entire editorial board, I would like to congratulate you for your Scar essay being selected as our First Place Teen Essay for October 2014.

To view all the results of our October 2014 contest, please check our winners page on or after November 30th:

We will be contacting you via your registration email with more information and prize details.

Thanks for adding your voice to our mission “Changing the World . . . One Story at a Time” and feel free to share your accomplishment with the world.

Rebecca Thiegs Co-Founder and Education Consultant
Posted: Sunday, November 23, 2014 4:21:09 PM
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Comment by lifeisalwaysgood

Joined: 1/12/2015
Posts: 2
thank you for writing this
Posted: Monday, January 12, 2015 3:23:55 AM
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Comment by lexi.brannon17

Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 2
This is really powerful. I love it. I am glad you are recovering. (:
Posted: Monday, May 11, 2015 3:48:09 PM
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Comment by stardustdreamer18

Joined: 9/1/2014
Posts: 5
This is so important and I'm so glad you're in recovery. As a fellow survivor, I know how hard that decision is and I wish you the very best in your recovery. If you ever want to talk, I'm here<3 :)
Posted: Friday, August 14, 2015 4:28:52 AM
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