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Identity: "I am the way that I am"

Joined: 12/11/2013
Posts: 2
'Who do you think you are?' is not a rare phrase for me. It is indeed a simple question but with deep meaning in it. When I hear that question, I might become speechless, numb, sad, angry, and nervous instantly. Everytime I was asked by people about this I wanted to say 'I am me' confidently but I ended up being silent.

I think I was raised in a good family and I am really grateful of that. But raised in good family doesn't mean your life would be all that easy and smooth. When I was still a kid (5 years old), we have to move from one place to another because of my parents' job. Both of my parents are doctors. They were really busy to the extent they didn't have time for me at all. At the time, I thought that it's okay because they worked hard for our sake so it's definitely fine. So, to spend the spare time that I had, I read books and studied hard to make my parents proud of me. It was until that time when we had to move to another place again and I got into my new school (elementary school). Not only that, my parents became busier and busier. They decided to let my grandma take care of me. Since then, I lived with my grandma and uncles.

I had good grades in my new school. I had always got the highest score in exam, won many competitions, and I was loved by all teachers. And this is what I believed that made my schoolmates bullied me. It was not done physically but mentally. They didn't want to befriend with me, they badmouthed me, they didn't even talk to me. I was invisible to them. It was hurt. I regret that I had never done anything to stop their actions. I didn't know what to do at that time. I couldn't tell my family because I'm afraid it would become burden to them. I didn't tell the teachers because I knew they would make things worse. I didn't dare to speak up to people who bullied me how I really felt because deep inside I,too would feel the same if I were them...and it continued until I graduated from elementary school. Since then, I was always cautious of people who want to befriend with me.

Right now, I am in my third year of high school. You know when you're in high school, only popularity matters, right? That is indeed true. You will meet people who seek for attentions, people who only care about themselves, people who pretend to be your friend, people who are two-faced, and a lot more. I was struggling to myself everyday. "Can I live in this kind of place? Do I have a place here? Does my existence matter?" is what I have always thought. But as time passes by, I learn that we have to be strong enough to survive in any kind of environment. We have to adapt, we have to accept reality because we can't change people...we can only change ourselves. I believe that my bad experiences in the past happened for a reason, even if I hate it I must be thankful of that because without it I won't be the "ME" who everyone knows today.
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