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Identity: Scars, wires and broken pieces



Joined: 9/22/2014
Posts: 1
DougWF13
Who do I think I am? Am I normal or am I abnormal? I really have a hard time answering this with my background and general mentality. Now over the years I’ve been called a number of things, from psychopath to kind hearted human being. Generally there is no solid answer but what I can tell you is that whatever I am, whatever I will be, is something I can’t predict.
We form our identity from key experiences from our childhood and teenage years. It’s really impossible to form a personality or make a decision from birth seeing as how at birth we are a screaming little infant that just came out of our mother’s womb. However if you did manage to make such decisions at that stage in life then I’m honored that the reincarnation of Einstein or someone that smart has taken the time to read this.
I believe my personality was formed from a series of psychotic encounters with other people and having my entire childhood on a computer. Now when I say psychotic encounters with other people, I mean dealing with people that make me question how bad would jail be if I was to commit murder. That’s not to say I haven’t had good times with people, I just mean I've had more bad times than good.
Now as for my entire childhood being on a computer, I’m pretty literal when I say that. Growing up I didn't have many friends and I wound up playing old strategy games like “Age of Empires” and general video games instead of going to a friend’s house or something. From this I gained a love of computer science, hence why the word “wires” is in the title. However having the few friends that I did and being sent off to a school an hour away, didn't exactly give me much or really any social time with friends.
Soon enough, the few friends I did have turned on me and I was alone. I entered a state of depression and it got to the point where I attempted suicide. However to keep this concise, I won’t go into that. I will however say that I sort of half recovered and became what I am today, one part lost and the other found. I still think about what I went through and what I thought was right and wrong. Looking back I seemed more like a bird without wings that had to learn to fly again. To bring us back to the main idea of who I am. I unfortunately still don’t really know who I am. Whether I find out or not doesn't really matter to me, I've come to terms that whatever I will be is something I will accept. All I can ever really be now and all I think I have ever been is just myself, I just don’t know myself. So wish me luck I guess.
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