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Identity: The Disorder Destroyer



Joined: 9/1/2014
Posts: 6
blackwingbutterflies
There is a time in everyone’s life when they realize they are going to die. There is no avoiding it: we are all going to die at some point. Some realize this in the middle of taking a shower, some when they blow out the candles of their 40th birthday cake. My epiphany came after an extremely rough day at school; my bulimic tendencies had been full force, my social anxiety was rearing its monstrous head, and my confidence was at an all-time low. I was sitting on my couch, trying to resist the urge to upchuck the meal I had just finished. Between disordered thoughts and suicidal wishes, a thought came. You’re going to die one day. That thought snapped me out of the stupor I had been in the past two years.I realized how many problems I was generating for myself: the probability of dying from esophageal cancer increased with every thrown-up meal. All because I was doing this evil deed to myself. It was that day that I decided the purging had to stop. I am still in shock of how much that one though has changed my life, and how I identify myself.

Before, my eating disorder had full ownership of my identity. I was bulimic. I was depressed. I was suicidal. I was not Alexa. As time went on from my jolting epiphany, I was brought down from the stormy clouds I had been living on for the past two years. It was as if a clear path had been carved into my brain and told me how to live. I was genuinely happy. I found that I could laugh more. People actually wanted to be around me, because I didn’t bring the mood of the conversation down. The frequency of my anxiety attacks became less and less, until they evaporated into nothingness. The caring, confident, boisterous girl I had lost so many years ago had found her way back into my heart. I defied death, for the time being. If I had not stopped using my destructive behaviors, no one can be sure I would still be here. Instead, I am able to help out in my community. I can take challenging classes. I can enjoy times with friends and family. Instead of venomous hate, joy now radiates through my veins. My epiphany helped me live: it helped me find my true self. Now, I am successfully stripped of my past scars: the disorders no longer hold ownership of my personality. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am Alexa now.
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Comment by thiegsr


Joined: 11/6/2008
Posts: 702
On behalf of the entire StageofLife.com editorial board, I would like to congratulate you for your Identity essay being selected as one of our top 10 essays for the September 2014 writing contest. Our editors are still voting on the winning essay, and if your essay is selected, we will contact you directly via your registration email and we will post a comment on your essay.

To view all the results of our September 2014 contest, please check our winners page on or after October 30th:
http://www.stageoflife.com/Writing_Contests/WritingContestWinners.aspx

Thanks for adding your voice to our mission “Changing the World . . . One Story at a Time” and feel free to share your accomplishment with the world.

Sincerely,
Rebecca Thiegs
StageofLife.com Co-Founder and Education Consultant
Posted: Tuesday, October 14, 2014 3:30:30 PM
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Comment by thiegsr


Joined: 11/6/2008
Posts: 702
I would like to congratulate you for your Identity essay being selected as a Runner Up Teen Essay for September 2014.

To view all the results of our September 2014 contest, please check our winners page on or after October 30th:
http://www.stageoflife.com/Writing_Contests/WritingContestWinners.aspx


Thanks for adding your voice to our mission “Changing the World . . . One Story at a Time” and feel free to share your accomplishment with the world.

Sincerely,
Rebecca Thiegs
StageofLife.com Co-Founder and Education Consultant
Posted: Tuesday, October 21, 2014 8:19:20 PM
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