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I am scared of losing

Joined: 10/27/2013
Posts: 2
54-41. The score lit dimly on the old score board in the poorly lit gym. That was it. I hoped maybe we could pull just one win out, but the final horn sounded, and the referee took the basketball, extinguishing any hope of victory. 0-21. The amount of times I would hear that record repeated back to me in the following year would be too high to tally. Zero wins and 21 losses. I was scared we might never win another game. I was scared we would be the laughing stock of the entire school.
No one expected it. Classmates would jeer, "How did you guys not win a SINGLE game?!" Because we sucked was the easy answer, but I knew it was deeper than that. Being only a sophomore on the varsity basketball team, I was in no role to lead, even though I started nearly every game. I truly believe the season’s results all came down to the lack of leadership on the team.
My freshman year I was taken aback by our monstrous senior captains. They were tall, strong, and fast. They led with poise and patience. The seniors this year were a shadow of the previous ones. One of them was forced into the captain role, one with no passion or drive. Coach said do four laps, the leaders did two. Coach said do 25 push-ups, they did 18, maybe. I was only a sophomore, so they wouldn't listen to me when I told them not to cut corners. Words cannot describe the feeling of resentment that overcomes me after every jaunt from students about our season. I should have taken things into my own hands, but I was scared no one would listen to a lowly sophomore.
I couldn't keep waiting for someone to take charge. Although it was great to see real leaders showing the way freshman year, I believe it stuck me in a rut. I thought there would always be upperclassmen to lead the way. I think our record answered enough that I was wrong. Sometimes the best way to get things done is by believing in oneself.
I tried this the following year, and we won a league championship, the first in our school history. I now try to live my life by this. Don't always expect someone else to do what you can do yourself. Although my 2012, 0-21 season may have killed my spirits, making me even question if I still wanted to play the sport I was destined to play, I think the losses helped me solidify what really matters. The fear of never winning again and being scared of what others would think of me disappeared when I learned to believe in myself and work hard. I realized that when you do your best there is nothing to be scared of anymore.
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