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I am scared of the Human Nature.



Joined: 10/21/2013
Posts: 4
anusha
Dark, dangerous and sinful, the shadow of a man’s personality bangs at the door, while I sit in torturous solitude, in a dimly lit box of shredded dreams, vaporised aspirations and crushed desires. In the damp and cold room, is a mirror, hanging from the ceiling, scratched and shattered at places, but even in the deteriorated state of what was once a beautiful glass, our nature wouldn’t allow us to accept defeat and gaze into itself, to have the opportunity to face what one has become, to confirm inherent fears, to replay the few moments when one could laugh without a care, to stare at God and have questions answered. All you can do is lock yourself in the dark room, clutching your knees as you rock back and forth, waiting for the day you would be permitted to look at where you started from what and you had become. And all the while, the mirror hangs from the ceiling, patiently standing askew as it waits for the day it knows will never come.
Human nature is a chaotic façade of something which is always struggling with itself, beating on its inside, destroying everything which consists of humanity, pulling apart each loose end till it couldn’t even claim it had some threads to talk about. In the end, all that’s left is a broken spirit, mangled soul and a strangled heart, while the mind continues to plan its devious and decadent plans, aiming the destruction, unknowingly, towards itself.
And yet, it is my human nature that I talk about, talk to, arguing every second of the day, pleading and begging till my throat is parched, and still wouldn’t receive relief.
No one has ever blinked in God’s face, and as I wander in that cramped space, I wonder and ponder the possibility of the unthinkable being achieved by me. To challenge our apparent maker, to look into his eyes and see my reflection gaze back at me, as I had always been told that God resides in oneself, and yet I wanted to confirm the truth.
Endlessly, I loiter about in my own mind, strolling in and out of its depths, hoping to somehow catch a glimpse of myself, of Him. But my nature would shake its head at me, denying me the right to gather courage to face myself, and it traps me in that room, making me realize that I will always have a choice and as I look up at the back of the mirror, the blackness smiles kindly at me, the ever present pain of never having been used reflected in its every etching. I finally bow my head in my folded arms, resting them on my curled up legs; defeated, for it is me stopping myself from facing reality, a crumbling jigsaw puzzle that had been scrambled and put together an umpteen number of times to form fantasy, perhaps destined forever to conceal the truth within me, from me.
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