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I Am Scared of Failure



Joined: 8/30/2013
Posts: 4
Jlee
On a Thursday evening in the summer I stared at my SAT prep book with no interest of learning new vocabulary words that I knew I wasn’t going to use in real life. No matter how many times I told myself that I needed to study for this exam, I just couldn’t get excited about studying. Whenever I looked at the book, I just wanted to take a nap. As much as I knew how important this exam would be, I just couldn’t make myself do it. With my head resting on the palm of my hand and my eyes wandering around the room, I saw my phone from the corner of my eye, luring me to check my text messages.


“Oh what the heck,” I said aloud deciding to take a “quick” break from studying. Just as I picked up the phone, it began ringing. My sister who had just settled into college her new college a week before was called me. “So, how was your first day in college?” I excitedly asked my sister.


“Eh...it was okay,” she mumbled.


“What do you mean ‘just okay?’” I said. She let out a big sigh before responding.


“I just wish I studied harder in high school. If I had, I probably would have gotten into a better college,” she said after a moment.


I involuntarily looked down at my SAT practice workbook sitting untouched at the corner of my desk.


“You know, you’re probably Mom and Dad’s last hope,” she said. “I already blew it.” We both let out one of those fake laughs.


“Okay, bye. I’ll text you later,” I said quickly. We hung up, but I heard the words in my mind, “Mom and Dad’s last hope.”


I realized that I hadn’t been working hard. Everyone was preparing for the SAT and I had practically wasted my summer staring at just one math problem in my workbook. In a way, it felt like everyone was a step ahead of me and I was getting further behind. I began to feel afraid. What if I failed? What if I became a loser? What if all of the money my parents spent on my prep classes was wasted? What if all of the late nights my Dad spent working to provide money for me to go to college were for nothing?


Over the next few days, every time I tried to relax I kept remembering the conversation I had with my sister. My mom began asking why I looked so tired in the mornings.

Now, even when I have spare time after finishing my homework, I don't lay in bed checking Facebook. Instead, I always feel guilty as though there’s no time to waste, and I need to be working. My parents are glad to see that I am studying much more than I used to. But what they don’t know is that I am not studying to become successful. I’m studying because I’m afraid to fail.
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Comment by thiegsr


Joined: 11/6/2008
Posts: 702
On behalf of the entire StageofLife.com editorial board, I would like to congratulate you for your FEAR essay being chosen as 1 of our 10 essays in the running for 1st place in this month’s writing competition. This is a huge accomplishment since we received over 160 essays this month. Please feel free to share your “runner up” status with the world.

We are in the process of selecting our top three winners. If you are selected as the winner of this month’s competition, we will contact you directly via the email you used for registration.

In the meantime, you can view all the results by clicking on this link: http://www.stageoflife.com/StageHighSchool/WhatScaresTeens.aspx

Thanks for adding your voice to our mission “Changing the World, One Story at a Time”

Sincerely,
Rebecca Thiegs
StageofLife.com Co-Founder and Education Consultant
Posted: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 3:51:32 PM
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