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I am Scared of Being Forgotten

Joined: 2/17/2013
Posts: 8
I used to think I was afraid of loneliness. As a child, I was a claustrophobic thing and feared being left alone on elevators. The prospect of being separated from my family in a dusty elevator terrified me-- I suppose that I thought it a permanent state. And as the elevator pulled upwards, my hands would clench and my heart fall out my my mouth whenever it seemed to lag. But now that I'm older, I realize that I never feared that rickety old elevator. Its enclosed space actually seemed comforting, at times. Like an old friend.

No, what I'm afraid of is being forgotten-- little wonder for so long I misdiagnosed it as loneliness. But it's not quite so; loneliness is but a symptom of the cause. I worry that one day, I'll bump into an old friend at the store. I'll greet her. She'll give me a quick look-through, frown, and say, "Now, where have I seen your face before?"

It's not an egocentric thing, but an emotional one. Relationships are important to me, and people influence me profoundly. I look up to many in my life, and hope that maybe they feel positively about be, too-- that I'm loved.

It's no fun to be unloved, unrequited, but to me... it's worse to slip from someone's memory. For the first, at least the fellow has to feel something. Hatred, as they say, is the evil sister of love. But to forget someone entirely, they're marked as not even important enough to hate. I want to be remembered by those I remember.

When I die-- whether it be in ninety years or less-- I fear that nobody will come to my funeral. That my grandchildren won't say, "Here's looking at that woman." That nobody will put flowers on my graves.

I fear most that when I die, it will be as if I never lived at all.
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Comment by thiegsr

Joined: 11/6/2008
Posts: 702
On behalf of the entire editorial board, I would like to congratulate you for your FEAR essay being chosen as 1 of our 10 essays in the running for 1st place in this month’s writing competition. This is a huge accomplishment since we received over 160 essays this month. Please feel free to share your “runner up” status with the world.

We are in the process of selecting our top three winners. If you are selected as the winner of this month’s competition, we will contact you directly via the email you used for registration.

In the meantime, you can view all the results by clicking on this link:

Thanks for adding your voice to our mission “Changing the World, One Story at a Time”

Rebecca Thiegs Co-Founder and Education Consultant
Posted: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 3:54:47 PM
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