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I am Scared of Failing Myself



Joined: 2/15/2013
Posts: 4
Chocolatebunny
Now that I've opened up a new chapter of “Not Hitting Pedestrians”,otherwise known as driving, a confusing matter has come to my attention. Carefully backing up from the driveway while my dad edgily tells me to put my right hand on the passenger’s headrest, I noticed a small brown figure, no bigger than a shoe box, darting across the back of my car to the safety of our dying grass. Because it was only a momentary glimpse, I assumed the small creature to be a figment of my imagination. I completed my reversal out of the driveway, something that took me much longer than necessary, and shifted into drive. As I pulled ahead, the small daredevil decided to cross in front of my path, yet again. Now, of course, I noticed that this stupid little creature was, in fact, a squirrel. Naturally, most of my attention was focused on driving, and, as mentioned before, not hitting pedestrians. But there was a corner of my mind that found a contradiction, in the case of the squirrel, to what most people seem to believe is simply erratic movement. In fact, most squirrels seem to pop out at the very climax of great danger. Out of all the seconds that the squirrel had, why did he take the great leap of chance when luck was at its shortest?

But isn't that what we do? Doesn't the rather not so esoteric group of people called “procrastinators” understand my point? At this very moment I have not done any of my homework. Like the squirrel, I have an exigent and inevitable task I’ll need to face sooner or later. But my task would be less foreboding, because once it is started completion is not a necessity. But technicalities set aside; at this moment I imagine I am one with the squirrel. Our hearts beat fast with the incoming stress as the car approaches slowly, then faster. This squirrel, oh this poor soul, all he needs is a small push, perhaps a kick if necessary. I imagine the squirrel sees a nut on the other side of the road. This nut looks him in the eye, opens its nonexistent mouth and softly whispers, “Darling I’m here”. And that squirrel, despite the cars close proximity, jumps out of the underbrush, the adrenaline coursing through his veins, and he momentarily slows time with the will of his tiny mind for a significant nanosecond. It is just enough to avoid getting nicked by my tires.

This is the part where I tell you that I’m not only like the squirrel, but I am the squirrel. I fear disappointing myself, of missing my opportunity to do something great. I fear my standards are too high and I’ll aim, shoot, and miss, landing among the rubble instead of the fantastic stars. I am afraid that I’ll never reach my nut and end up frozen in the middle of the road.
But every squirrel who makes it says I will live.
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