STAGE OF LIFE       Share Your Story       Coupons       Education Resources
Sign Up Now!

"I Am Scared of the Person I've Become"



Joined: 10/13/2013
Posts: 16
Kemara Night
I awake in the morning dreading the feeling derived from leaving the security of my bed sheets. I wrap myself in them as if I am a California roll because it is the safest place for me. It is not the world I fear, but my presence in it. You see, when you live an existence versus a life, yourself becomes the worst enemy. What scares me most in life is myself. I fear my actions, my thoughts, my mentalities, and my features. Yet above all, I fear my hands. They are the catalyst to all my wrongdoing. There are nights when I have to keep them folded in prayer, just to stop them from strangling myself. One of my favorite colors is Timberwolf (a shade of grey introduced to the crafty and childlike courtesy of the Crayola Company). However, I am not to think of its metallic silvery sheen because if I do, my mind will wander to the glitter of blades, causing my hands to desire the chance to caress and ultimately utilize them.

Nobody understands how hard it is to arrive home at the end of a stressful day only to spend each night sleeping with your bully. Even bathing is a hassle. It is as if some invisible entity swoops in to the wash basin with me, wishing to drag me under. I am scared of me because my hands are demons that refuse to detach themselves from my cursed (and cut) wrists. My hands even yearn to lie about their purity when they acquiesce to doing such chores as this, typing their secrets onto virtual paper, but my plagued mind still maintains control of some things.

Suffering from major depressive disorder has made me apprehensive of the one person I know better than anyone else. Or at least, the individual that I used to know because once enshrouded by its darkened veils, depression causes you to lose all of who you were. Even worse, when you recapture glimpses of yourself, you must sit in agony and watch them slowly shatter under the pressure of your own mind frame. I fear my hands because they are the puppet to this disease and I cannot curb them.

I accede to the fact that I may sound morbidly daffy, or even “mental”. I don’t doubt that I am either. Maybe I am positively mad to fear a body part, but you try living with ideologies beyond your control. I am my own Freddy Krueger, a nightmare that walks in reality. My past mocks me so with its unsolicited innocence, when all I have now is a ragged present with bruises on my forearm to show for it. The only peace that comes is with sleep. Yet even then, thoughts may make me stir from slumber. I have no need to dread ghouls, or to indulge in the fancies of Halloween scares and macabre merriment. I am my own frightening spectacle, 365 days a year.
Rate this:

About StageofLife.comAbout Us:  StageofLife.com is a free blogging and writing community for high school students that allows teens the opportunity to share their personal stories and essays in an online life journal via their free Stage of Life account.  Check out our national Teen Trend Reports, and make sure to explore the writing contests for high school students, inspirational videos for teens, statistics about students, quotes about high school, and other resources about High School here on StageofLife.com.  Register to start your free writing profile, share an essay about your life, and help us change the world, one story at a time.  If you are a teacher - review our Language Arts Teaching Resources.

Writing Contest Archive - Students

Writing Contests and Teen Trend Reports

StageofLife.com Student Writing Contests

Below you will find all of the monthly writing contests and teen trend reports from the last five years hosted by StageofLife.com.  Our dedication to digital literacy efforts have reached over 1,000,000 students and teachers in the last half decade, received mention on TIME.com, and features in the news.  Feel free to click through and read the top essay submissions from any given month.  StageofLife.com is honored to be one of the most-visited writing contests for students in the world.  We love working with you as we celebrate the journey as life-long readers and writers...

2016 Writing Contests

Writing Contest for High School Students

2015 Writing Contests


2014 Writing Contests

 2013 Writing Contests





2012 Writing Contests

2011 Writing Contests

 2010 Writing Contests


Stage of Life Mission Statement

Find Us on Facebook      Follow Us on Twitter     Read our Founder's Blog

StageofLife.com was launched in 2009 as the premier destination for people of all ages to find information, coupons, and stories about one of ten key stage of life transitions:  high school, college, on my own, wedding, married without children, having a baby, home ownership, parenting, grand parenting, and empty nest/retirement.  Nearly 1 million visitors come to the site each year to find information about their stage of life.  Stage of Life users (teens, college students, Millennials, Gen Y, Gen X, and Baby Boomers) can also share and archive their life stories via their Stage of Life profile page.  Specialized content includes statistics, quotes, videos, financial tips, coupons, news, writing contests, and more tailored to each of the 10 life stages featured.  My Life Rewards® is the free discount program for all Stage of Life users, readers and writers dedicated to providing printable coupons and coupon codes tailored towards each stage of life.

Terms of Service and Privacy