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I'm Scared of...My Mind



Joined: 10/3/2013
Posts: 1
rh.auna86
I am afraid of the deep recesses in my mind, where sanity goes to spend its dying days and from whence the dark shadows flee. Are these shapeless blobs relaxing on the edge of my peripheral visible for all to see, or are they merely the falling scraps of my deteriorating mind? Perhaps this fear is unfounded in one so young, so seemingly inexperienced in the world’s doings, yet I have spent the majority of this life seeking escapes from this relentless pressure. Twice I have been locked in a ward for all the children like me, and forever more the chains hold me inside of myself, along with the anxiety that is impervious to medication.
I am afraid of what my future will bring, if I am never able to soothe my racing, obsessive thoughts. Will I fall apart from sleep deprivation alone, or will one of the mental disorders that fascinate me so end up to already be rooted inside me? My memories disappear almost as soon as they are created, and my harried dreams jump at the opportunity to fill the gaps with their bizarre ramblings. I see the others around me, firmly engrossed in their lives and unaware that the so-called reality enveloping us in the same bag fails to reach me. I am free-floating; mind and body existing as separate entities, and this thing called myself lost somewhere in between.
I am afraid of the voice that my unconscious has engineered to whisper so delicately to me, as it demands more, more, more, more. It speaks each time I fail to meet to its desires-how can I when it needs more than I have? So much time I have sacrificed to its chasms, so many relationships have crumbled to appease its incessant clawing.
I am afraid of going insane, and afraid of realizing that I already am.
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