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What is the best solution when your 36 year old son does not spend holidays with you?



Joined: 5/9/2016
Posts: 1
Carolina
I moved a year ago from California to North Carolina to be near my only son who is 36 year old. He and his girlfriend have lived together for nine years now. His girlfriend has a daughter
14 and a son 10. I thought when I moved closer that I would be spending most major holidays
with them however that has not been the case. I have spent every holiday alone and most
times not even a phone call. I know they are busy and I understand how difficult it can be
raising young children. Yesterday was my second Mother's Day here and my son called me
at 6:30 pm that evening to wish me a happy Mother's. I naturally was very hurt but I felt that
It would be best not to be emotional and I thanked him for calling and he told me they spent
the day visiting his girlfriend's mother and grandmother.
My thoughts are obviously that he really doesn't care to spend time with me or care to
include me. I have never been a demanding parent and I have always had a close relationship
with my son. I feel it is because of his girlfriend that he has become distant. This is such
a delicate situation that I have difficulty in how to go about the proper way to either accept his
behavior or to let him know that his actions have deeply hurt me.
I have noticed that they have no problem asking for money and to borrow my car, which is a
ongoing situation. I am really not comfortable with lending out my car and really do not have
the income to always be helping them out with car insurance and other things. I have also
noticed my son will call and he will talk for several hours about what they are doing and how
the kids are. He only calls when his girlfriend is working and the kids are in school. I noticed
he never ask how I am and I can hardly say a word because he does all the talking.
I feel that I should just not expect him to ever include me and to do as I have been, doing things with my new friends and moving on with my own life. Should he ever show up on a holiday then that would be great ! I'm a firm believer that you can't change people, and people always do really what they want to do. I think if I made a drama out of this that it would be worse and I have never wanted people to do something if there heart wasn't in it. I feel the most difficult part of all this is I raised a very responsible and respectful man and I just don't understand his actions. I would appreciate some insight into how to go about in a loving way to mend some
of this pain. Thanks for your time and support.
Carolinia

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