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How do I stay neutral?



Joined: 5/6/2015
Posts: 1
nanastarre
I am a 53 year old single woman . I have 2 sons one has a son and a daughter that is not his biological daughter . I moved here from the east coast when I knew my son and girlfriend were not being responsible with the kids. They are not drug addicts , but they were lazy , and let utilities get shut of and s forth . My ex husband who never paid child support for his own children, went to court in Ar, and got guardianship of the kids , they promised me that they would always let the parents be involved , and that they would never keep me from seeing my Grandkids. When I moved here they knew I would have to buy a car and find a place to live while I lived with my oldest son . I now have a place to live . but any way as soon as they got custody they started saying all these horrible things about my son . they made visitations so difficult for Mom that it was nearly impossible for her to see her kids . I finally snapped the day My ex called my son and told him that he was a worthless looser, He clearly hates my son and so does his wife . he told my then 5 year old grand daughter that her Mom and my son smoke pot and thats why she is living with them . My son has been on the road for 5 months now and got an apartment a car a great lawyer .but he clearly does not want them to see, or get there own kids back . He has screamed at my grand daughters mother in front her calling her f***ing irresponsible. I was present for that phone call and many others where he would belittle the mother in front of my grand daughter . she was ordered to take drug screens which all came back negative , they were not satisfied with that , so they hired a private agency for a hair follicle test , that also came back negative . I have never seen such abuse of power in my life . now I am being pushed away too . because they want me to hate my son ...they are trying so hard to get it together . they were so exploited just because they did not have proper legal representation . I just don't understand how a father can hate his own son so much . he pretends to want what is best for the kids , but i think he enjoys having control over our lives ..I have been depressed because all I wanted to do is help ..I uprooted myself to a state that I don't like and I feel like I stepped into a nightmare ..I love my son and grandchildren so much ..any advice would be sO appreciated . The lawyer is trying to serve them papers to back to court but they keep ignoring the court server
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Comment by etiquette


Joined: 11/5/2013
Posts: 38
You jumped off a cliff into a mess that is not any of your doing or responsibility. Why you made this choice is worth considering. I know you say your intentions were for the safety of the children, but that is neither your responsibility, nor is it even possible at this point. Perhaps you were looking to connect or maybe even control the situation. Whatever happened, your goals were clearly missed. My advice to you is to move right back from where you came. Child custody should be involved, and because this has been through the court system, there should be a case worker assigned. If you are concerned, speak with you son. If he wants your assistance, offer it where you can. If he doesn’t, leave it alone. I hope this helps.

- Jay Remer
The Etiquette Guy
website: http://www.etiquetteguy.com
blog:http://todaysetiquette.blogspot.com
Twitter @etiquetteguy
Posted: Thursday, May 28, 2015 8:57:21 PM
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