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The Secret of Happiness: You Create it Yourself!

Joined: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1
The first few years of marriage is the hardest. Add in a baby or two and hard is a serious understatement. Looking back, getting married and starting a family in my early 20’s was not the best decision. At that time, I thought I knew everything and could handle any curve ball thrown my way. As a typical oldest child, I was mature, confident, tenacious, and ‘in it to win it.’ Life I mean….. There was no challenge too high.

What I quickly realized is that being married when you are little more than a child yourself is hard. In my early 20’s I did not have the ability yet to reflect critically on my actions and choices, nor did I use meta-cognitive processes to make changes, alter my choices and frankly, fix my faults.

I came from a somewhat loving family, as did my husband, with parents who were still married (rare now days). The role models in our life did nothing if not prompt us to do better when it was our turn. Wanting to ‘do better’ involved lots of compromise (not a natural ability of a first born child). Add in the fact that my husband is also an oldest child and it is a miracle we did not start world war three.

A few years into my marriage I would hear myself frequently say to my husband, “I am not happy,” and “you don’t make me happy.” To which his response was always the same, “It is not my job to make you happy, you have to do that for yourself.”

After resenting him for more than a year I began to slowly realize, he was right. I had thrown myself, body and soul, into trying to be an exceptional wife and mother. My husband’s uniform was always ironed, our son well dressed and happy, our house immaculate, all while finishing my bachelor’s degree and maintaining a 3.9 GPA.

I was at my breaking point. I spent so much time trying to keep all the balls in the air that slowly I realized that I was sinking. I had stopped doing things that made me happy. Going out with friends, enjoying a romance novel, playing tennis. I was doing so much for everyone else, for fear of failure and the shame tag that comes with it, that I stopped focusing on my own needs.

This constant pressure put a negative strain on my relationship with my husband, son, friends and family. I needed to find me. I needed to think about what I wanted, put myself first some days, and make time for ME. Without me being the best that I can be, everything else I touched in my life would suffer.

There is no secret to happiness, no magic spell or prayer. Do you want to know what makes you happy: YOU DO.
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Comment by lindarose11

Joined: 5/13/2019
Posts: 13
great article, I was very impressed about it, wish you would have stayed next share

red ball
Posted: Monday, October 28, 2019 3:36:22 AM
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