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Scar: Wish Upon a Scar

Joined: 3/2/2014
Posts: 2
When my son was two and a half years old, he had such perfectly smooth skin, free of scars. One ultrasound changed that forever. One ultrasound showed a tumor in his abdomen. He was diagnosed with high risk stage four neuroblastoma. His little body was cut open from one side to the other. And then it was cut open from one side to the other three more times after that during the next year. His little body had a central line in place for over a year. His little body went through six rounds of chemo, a stem cell transplant, radiation, and antibody treatments. He endured countless pokes and dressing changes.

His little body had so many scars. He also had the scar of fear from everything he had been through. He was afraid of going new places for fear of having something done to him. He was afraid of new people for fear that they were going to do something to him. He was afraid of me being on the phone for fear that it meant he had to go to the hospital. He was afraid of Wednesday because he had dressing changes on that day. He was afraid of driving on the freeway because he thought that meant he was on his way to the hospital. He was afraid of so many simple things.

Even with everything he was going through, he was still a little kid. He was a very curious little kid who was learning new words and asking lots of questions. He had heard me talk with family, friends, nurses, and doctors. He heard words and tried to say them as best he could. And he had asked me one day, “this is my star?” as he pointed to his abdomen. Over time he learned how to say it correctly, but I still like his first try at it better.

I too ended up with a scar of fear. I hate the fear of the unknown and the lack of control I have over this. I see his scars many times throughout the day. Each time I catch a glimpse of one I make a wish that he will never relapse. I make a wish that he will never have to experience that sort of pain ever again. I make a wish that he will always know how strong and brave he is. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.
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