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Family Members Staying Too Long for Comfort

Joined: 6/30/2015
Posts: 2
I was hoping i could get someones opinion or even better answers how to cut and unwanted unannounced family guest's lenth of stay.I am 41 years old have three boys 10,8,3 I recently just got back from a weeks vacation havent even settled in yet and my wifes aunt calls and tells her that she her daughter and child will be visiting and staying with us for 12 days.they dont clean up after themsleves,they dont provide food and worst of all her aunt sleeps in my front room on my chair so nobody can even watch tv or get a late night snack as our living room is open to kitchen.They do this every year and i dont think i could possibly been any ruder there last biggest issue is these visit are causing serious problems within my marriage, i love my wife very much and dont want to see her feeling hurt and she wont even talk or look at me since i told her they have one week and i will be telling them they have to get a hotel or leave,it bothers my wife and she agrees the lenth of stay is to long but she doesnt know how to tell them.I told my father in law about how it bothered me and i was told to suck it up and its his family,he cannot stand them so he doesnt allow them to stay with him but thinks its funny and laughs that they stay at my house.never once in the last 14 years of these great visits have they treated us to dinner they dont even come to see us they go see all there friends and makes plans by themselves )and basically use our house as a hotel come and go when they please. please help!!!!!!!!!
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Comment by Hello

Joined: 7/9/2015
Posts: 2
Hi Louv,

I've been going through the same thing with my Parents-in-law. They come to visit twice a year whenever they feel like. This year my husband was busy with work and could not take day off to spend time with his parents, his mother said she was coming to visit us no matter what, so they arrived on Thursday and left on Sunday, Thank God! They usually stay two weeks which bothers me a lot and on top of that they are very disrespectful towards me. They say mean things when my husband is not around. Just to give you an example, my Mother-in-law told to my daughter of 1 Year Old that I didn't want her and I was in front of her when she said this mean thing to my daughter, my Mother-in-law picked my daughter up and she did not want to be picked up then she put my daughter down and my daughter run to hug me then she said this mean thing. I confronted her later and she said I misunderstood. I told her that this is emotional abuse! They don't came here when my husband can't take day off and I make sure to don't make them feel welcome. I don't cook, I don't do nothing to them so my husband has to do .So I know how you feel! They live 17 hours away from us and my Mother-in-law told me last month that they are planning to buy a house 5 hours away from us so she can spend more time in our house and stay longer when gets too hot in her new future location. I'm already having anxiety. Here what I'm going to do and maybe will help you. I'm waiting until I found out their decision is final to make the move then I'll have a conversation to my husband that I don't want them in our house often only on vacation when we are on vacation. In my case is a little bit more complicated because they are my husband's parents but I'm not going to put up with. In your situation, they are your wife's aunt and you don't have to put up. Tell your wife if she is not comfortable talking to them that you will. It's your house, they are bringing a lot of stress to your marriage. You should tell them from now on they will stay in a hotel because they are taking away your privacy and your peace. Be firm and don't care what they think. Your marriage comes first. I hope this help.
Posted: Monday, July 20, 2015 9:41:28 PM
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Comment by LOUV

Joined: 6/30/2015
Posts: 2
Thanks for the reply and advice,I already said my piece of mind to her aunt that she will be not able to stay at my house any longer than a week because that invades my privacy.Her aunt was appalled and said but were family and my reply was my family is my three sons and my wife,she stormed off and stated she will no longer be coming up to chicago wich put a huge smile on my face it took me 14 years to say something and i feel like a big wieght has been taken off my relationship with my wife hasnt been the same since i voiced my opinion but i thought of how many times i told her how i felt and she still let it happen,in the end it was all worth it hopefully i can get oue relationship back to normal.once again thanks for your reply and i feel for your situation,stand up for yourself if your husband loves you then he should side with the mother of his child.
Posted: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 12:55:54 AM
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Comment by etiquette

Joined: 11/5/2013
Posts: 38
Your home is your castle. You and your wife must make the rules together. Your father-in-law has no say. Your wife’s aunt has no right inviting herself. She needs to ask. This sounds like a situation that has gone unchecked for many years. It’s time to end this. But you and your wife must come to an agreement - not an argument. Old family relationships are hard to change. Make some house rules. Limit the amount of time guests can come and make sure they know it and that they must not trash your house. If these rules cannot be honoured, they are no longer welcome in your home. It’s simple. It may not be easy, but keep it uncomplicated. I hope this helps.
- Jay Remer
The Etiquette Guy
Twitter @etiquetteguy
Posted: Thursday, August 6, 2015 9:12:10 PM
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