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Then & Now: From a cocoon to a butterfly



Joined: 10/21/2011
Posts: 56
privytrifles
Marriage-The word itself creates a dreamy image of prolonged celebrations with family& friends amidst joy and laughter. My first closest association with marriage was when I was ten years old. I had got my doll married to my friend’s male doll with a lot of pomp and show. But when the moment came for bidaai [“Bidaai” is an Indian ritual of sending away the daughter to her in-laws after marriage. It is like a farewell which follows most Indian marriages.], I freaked. I remember fighting with my friend as she wanted to take away my doll with her. After a lot of arguments she finally relented and walked away with her doll in a hug. Though she didn’t speak to me for two days after that, few days later everything was normal.

Till few years back marriage for me was predominantly about romance, finest jewellery and choicest clothes. It was an occasion to have fun, dance around, get all decked up and be the centre of attention. Like all teenagers I grew up dreaming about a tall, dark and handsome knight going on his knees to propose me, wooing me with roses and sweeping me off my feet on his horse to live happily ever after. Back then if you ask me I could not define marriage in any other terms than love. For me it was feeling giddy, confessing undying love, willing to do anything for each other, cannot stay apart and all those terms you find in typical candy floss romantic books. Little did I know all this was fit only for books and not for the real world?

In my growing up years I happened to meet quite a few people who claimed to be in love with me. In the beginning everything seemed very exciting but once after the initial euphoria died, it lost all its charm. The only reason I could feel was because it wasn’t love, it was only attraction. On a lighter note I have had my own share of dreamy nights spent counting the stars and happy-one-moment-sad-the-other-w/o-any-reason days.

With the passage of time having seen and experienced relationships very closely I finally concluded that marriage is not all about love. It is only one component, while the other components like trust, respect, care and understanding are equally important. It is not about undying love, it’s about love which matures with time. It is not a giddy feeling; it is feeling giddy but knowing that you will be held before you fall. By the time this realization dawned upon me I was 25 years old, which by Indian standards is a perfect marriageable age.

Today when I look forward to my marriage I know what to expect from my partner and as it is rightly said,

“Marriage is not about finding the right person; it’s also about being the right person.”

I understand mutual trust and admiration combined with respect will take us a long way. I appreciate the fact that relationships mature with time and the bond only gets stronger. I have learnt it’s not only about loving each other; it’s about living each other. It’s about developing a deeper understanding where you can complete each other’s sentences, and you understand even the unspoken. It’s about a time when on your 50th anniversary when you look into your partner’s eyes you know nothing has changed. The love and respect is consistent as years pass by and it has only grown by leaps and bounds.

Simply put, before I was like a cocoon living in a shell, which nothing could break. Knowing all this has helped me shed my inhibitions, break some of the shackles and evolve into a free spirit who knows the way forward. Before I always had a feeling of being lost but today I can see my destination clearly. Being through a painful process which involved hurt, disappointment, rejection, heartbreaks and failures at present I have turned into a colourful butterfly ready to spread my wings and touch the sky.

On this note I would like to share two very beautiful messages I came across on the net. I don’t know who the authors for these are, but reading them each time makes me smile as it denotes my journey till here:

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone but I can tell you what it is for me- Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love it trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
&

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep, wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, who holds your hand in front of his friends, wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you, wait for the one who turns to his friends and says ’That’s her’!!”


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Comment by privytrifles


Joined: 10/21/2011
Posts: 56
Marriage-The word itself creates a dreamy image of prolonged celebrations with family& friends amidst joy and laughter. My first closest association with marriage was when I was ten years old. I had got my doll married to my friend’s male doll with a lot of pomp and show. But when the moment came for bidaai [“Bidaai” is an Indian ritual of sending away the daughter to her in-laws after marriage. It is like a farewell which follows most Indian marriages.], I freaked. I remember fighting with my friend as she wanted to take away my doll with her. After a lot of arguments she finally relented and walked away with her doll in a hug. Though she didn’t speak to me for two days after that, few days later everything was normal.

Till few years back marriage for me was predominantly about romance, finest jewellery and choicest clothes. It was an occasion to have fun, dance around, get all decked up and be the centre of attention. Like all teenagers I grew up dreaming about a tall, dark and handsome knight going on his knees to propose me, wooing me with roses and sweeping me off my feet on his horse to live happily ever after. Back then if you ask me I could not define marriage in any other terms than love. For me it was feeling giddy, confessing undying love, willing to do anything for each other, cannot stay apart and all those terms you find in typical candy floss romantic books. Little did I know all this was fit only for books and not for the real world?

In my growing up years I happened to meet quite a few people who claimed to be in love with me. In the beginning everything seemed very exciting but once after the initial euphoria died, it lost all its charm. The only reason I could feel was because it wasn’t love, it was only attraction. On a lighter note I have had my own share of dreamy nights spent counting the stars and happy-one-moment-sad-the-other-w/o-any-reason days.

With the passage of time having seen and experienced relationships very closely I finally concluded that marriage is not all about love. It is only one component, while the other components like trust, respect, care and understanding are equally important. It is not about undying love, it’s about love which matures with time. It is not a giddy feeling; it is feeling giddy but knowing that you will be held before you fall. By the time this realization dawned upon me I was 25 years old, which by Indian standards is a perfect marriageable age.

Today when I look forward to my marriage I know what to expect from my partner and as it is rightly said,

“Marriage is not about finding the right person; it’s also about being the right person.”

I understand mutual trust and admiration combined with respect will take us a long way. I appreciate the fact that relationships mature with time and the bond only gets stronger. I have learnt it’s not only about loving each other; it’s about living each other. It’s about developing a deeper understanding where you can complete each other’s sentences, and you understand even the unspoken. It’s about a time when on your 50th anniversary when you look into your partner’s eyes you know nothing has changed. The love and respect is consistent as years pass by and it has only grown by leaps and bounds.

Simply put, before I was like a cocoon living in a shell, which nothing could break. Knowing all this has helped me shed my inhibitions, break some of the shackles and evolve into a free spirit who knows the way forward. Before I always had a feeling of being lost but today I can see my destination clearly. Being through a painful process which involved hurt, disappointment, rejection, heartbreaks and failures at present I have turned into a colourful butterfly ready to spread my wings and touch the sky.

On this note I would like to share two very beautiful messages I came across on the net. I don’t know who the authors for these are, but reading them each time makes me smile as it denotes my journey till here:

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone but I can tell you what it is for me- Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love it trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
&

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep, wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, who holds your hand in front of his friends, wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you, wait for the one who turns to his friends and says ’That’s her’!!”


Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 5:38:13 AM
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