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Coveting My Daughter's Room

Joined: 1/2/2012
Posts: 118
My daughter will graduate college in May and be off to law school for another three years, so I’m thinking – enough is enough. I have maintained her space as if she would be returning home at any minute for almost four years and I think it is time to reclaim it. The possibilities are endless – a craft room sewing room, reading room, guest room that reflects my style and not hers.

But, what message will that send? You’re out and the sewing machine has taken your place. This is a decision that takes courage and I’m not sure I’m up for it. I am ready for her to be her own person and have a life separate from us, but at the same time she is still my little girl. I want her to feel like she can return to familiar things and enjoy the warmth and security of her room any time she chooses. Unfortunately, sometimes when she is home she reverts to “being a child” instead of an emerging, capable adult. Changing the room may make her feel like a guest in her own home. And, although I don’t want her to feel like a guest, I do want her to be responsible when she visits and not have unrealistic expectations of us. Our lives don’t revolve around her as they once did. And our priorities have changed with the arrival of this new stage of life.

So, I am torn as I ponder the concept of house versus home and the evolving relationship of parent and child. Our house provides a function and serves our requirements, but it is also home to us and to her and that is something entirely different. Does convenience override sentiment? What do you think? Is it time to convert her room into something useful or cherish the relic it is quickly becoming?
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Comment by DarkStar49

Joined: 5/28/2009
Posts: 332
My opinion would be the possibilty of converting that space to fit your needs may be a good way of helping her to be that emerging adult! Sometimes we have to pull away that safety blankie to encourage some subtle separation. She can still feel at home while both learning to accept the evolution of growth and change! This move will also help you to learn to accept the inevidable. Picture it all as not the end of a stage but rather the blossoming of a new era and understanding of personal needs...for both of you! And it's all something that mom and daughter will be able to experience together!
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2012 7:12:24 AM
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Comment by Suzanne

Joined: 1/2/2012
Posts: 118
Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I feel a "summer project" coming on.
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2012 1:20:06 PM
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Comment by warren

Joined: 6/22/2011
Posts: 293
Oh life is tough. Too many difficult choices. We gave our son's bedroom to his cat, who was evicted when our son changed apartments. They share when our son visits. Good luck and good blog post!
Posted: Sunday, April 8, 2012 3:58:58 PM
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Comment by mcoly618

Joined: 5/2/2009
Posts: 472
I wanted to let you know that we featured your essay on the Stage of Life Facebook page today. If you would like to check it, out go to Feel free to share the news with your friends and family. You're famous! :)
Posted: Friday, April 20, 2012 2:10:11 PM
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