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What Every Woman should Know about Their Man After Having a Baby

Joined: 11/24/2010
Posts: 51
A while back I wrote a similar post about what every woman should know about their man during pregnancy, and so I thought it would be interesting to put together a similar piece about after the pregnancy.

My wife and I welcomed our daughter into our lives back in February. She is now nearing seven months and there are a lot of things I've discovered being a father in that time.

1. My wife had a c-section. And I think that changed a lot of things that I thought would have happened if she had delivered otherwise. What I mean to say is, I think I would have taken on less responsibility because I wouldn't have felt as sorry for her because giving birth to a child is a relatively normal human experience, and if she had delivered our daughter vaginally, I really think I would have let her do more of the diapers and feedings and putting the baby down to sleep and all that good stuff. But that's not what happened. My wife had a c-section, and for anyone who thinks that's not a difficult thing; well, it is. It's painful to move, to sit, to lay down, to bend over and pick up a baby, which you're not even supposed to do really if you're trying to allow your incision to heal. And so not only did I go back to school the week after our daughter was born, but I had to do my school assignments and I had to try to work some hours and I had to do as much as I could and all the while doing more than my fair share of taking care of the baby. So with all of that in mind, women, you need to know that if your man is at all sensible, and you have a c-section, he will, or at least he should, carry more of the weight.

2. I don't care how nice of a couple you might be, or how good you are to each other; there is something about having a baby that changes that. What I mean by that is, you do a lot of comparing. You compare how much you did for the baby each day and you say to your partner " well, I changed all the diapers today." and usually it's the woman that says that. And the man will respond, "No! I changed like three of them." And so it goes even more, "Well, yeah but I also did most of the feedings. Yeah, I know you did like three of them.." This is what happens, and I'm not sure that there is any avoiding it. I think, if I may say so bluntly, ladies, you should be happy if your man changes at least three diapers, or feeds the baby three times for that matter. But that's just me. And I say that jokingly.

3. Men don't seem to worry as much as women. At least that's been my impression. I have no problem tossing a baby in the air, trusting that I'll catch them every time. Plus, it makes them laugh. Well... some of them. But it's always the women that seem to freak out when men do this and I know that it's gotta be the mother's love and instinct you all have. It's not a bad thing, but I just feel that it's my duty to let you know that your man is not going to have the same instincts as you, he's not going to feel the same nurturing feeling that you will feel when it comes to the safety of your baby. Not all men, but I'd bet to say that most are like me in that we don't freak out over the little stuff, and we're not afraid to throw are babies in the air.

4. This one is a big one, are you ready? When the two of you finally sit down to eat dinner, and when you think that your baby is not hungry and that they won't be hungry any time soon, at least not while you are eating, the baby is going to start crying to be fed. And deep down, your man is hoping that you will be the one to get up and take care of it. But don't let him fool you, he's all about being on your good side. So, do what my wife does, don't get up and stare your man down until he does the manly thing and let's his family eat before he does. Hey, I say this one honestly because I am a man, and I'd like to think that I do the manly thing of putting my family before myself.

5. I'll make this one the last one for this post. Your man is going to want to have sex with you again. And it would be great if all women were on the same agenda as men in this domain, but for some reason, it doesn't always register in our minds that you've carried a baby in your belly for 9 months, and you went through the trouble of pushing it out--or having it cut out of you-- and you went through the slow process of allowing your body to recover. The truth is, we're just as horny (mind my language) as we were when we made the baby, and we don't know how to express our impatience to you. So please, bear with your man, tell him you love him and you wish that you could fulfill his need. And just break it to him as gently as you can that he's going to have to wait. But realistically, it doesn't happen too often that your man will beg you for sex when the two of you aren't getting sleep and you're raising a newborn.

That's all I have for now, let me know in the comments if you want more. I'd be happy to add more to the list.
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Comment by LisaGraf

Joined: 12/21/2010
Posts: 35
Very interesting to read the man's point of view. I myself have carried 5 babies and birthed 4 and am not in the process of raising 4 children 5 years old and younger. My marriage has been through this a few times over. What has been most helpful in my marriage has been to do everything possible to keep the lines of communication open - even if that's the "i changed ALL the diapers" kind of communication!

Also, check your expectations. As a new stay at home mom, I expected my husband to pick up the parenting slack the second he got home from work and that we'd split responsibilities down the middle. Then reality happened and I quickly realized that although my husband does want to help and does a great job helping, it's completely unrealistic to expect parenting (or even marriage for that matter) to be completely 50/50. It's a 100/100 thing!

Like your #5 point, even after 4 births this is a struggle. I can only chalk it up to the fact that moms have another little human constantly touching them, needing them & as sad as it is by the end of the day we just want to be not touched! I hear this issue gets better with time ... our youngest is 6 months old so I think we have a road ahead of us!

Congratulations on becoming a father, blessings as you continue to support your growing family and be the best husband & father you can!
Posted: Friday, September 2, 2011 7:07:22 PM
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Comment by jasoncaleb

Joined: 11/24/2010
Posts: 51
Thanks for commenting. Yeah, I like that you pointed out that as long as their IS communication. I can't imagine there not being any communication, then we wouldn't have a clue how the other person felt. Have fun with your kids. I think we're gonna stick with the one for now, and as far as we're looking, one might be all we wish to have. I personally grew up in a family of 8 kids, so I think I could handle more than one. I like to think. Ha
Posted: Friday, September 2, 2011 8:09:28 PM
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Comment by mcoly618

Joined: 5/2/2009
Posts: 472
I just wanted to let you know that we featured your essay on the Stage of Life Facebook page today. If you would like to check it, out go to

Feel free to share the news with your friends and family. You're famous! :)
Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:42:42 PM
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