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Be the Change: Mortgage Payments, Mourning, and Immortality

Joined: 12/29/2015
Posts: 1
Gandhi said, “If we could change ourselves, the world would also change.” I see this fitting into my life as a 30-year-old homeowner, and educator, boldly believing in a better than 2015, 2016.

2016 has to be better. Life isn’t meant to be consisted of mortgage payments and mourning.

2015 was extremely difficult. I left my apartment and teaching position abroad in Abu Dhabi, because I missed my house in the United States. I didn’t want to sell it when I was offered the two-year contract overseas, so I went and I was still paying my mortgage.

I survived 12 months of mortgage payments on a 10-month salary, and an adjunct evening position. I survived 2015, but unfortunately my brother, “Future” did not. 2015 marks the year of mortgage payments and mourning. Life took my 32-year-old brother without any explanation, justification, or good reason.

I responded to this loss in my own twisted version of the waving grief cycle.

Denial: The doctors said my brother has no brain function, but I believe in miracles. He will make a full recovery.

Anger: How dare God end my brother’s life so soon? How could the creator take a father away from his four children?

Bargaining: If I could just communicate with my brother in the afterlife, I will find peace by knowing he’s found peace. If I live my life like a faultless Christian, I will go to heaven when I die and I’ll see him again.

Depression: How am I supposed to continue living when he cannot? I will never smile again. I cannot teach today. Laughter from anybody is an insult to my current state of melancholy. I don’t want anyone around me. This was the month of wretchedness that I forgot to pay my mortgage.

Repeated Denial: Maybe he’s still alive and this is just a nightmare. I’ll text him and comment on his old Facebook posts. No responses from him led to more hopelessness, waterworks, insomnia, and morning US. Bank Home Mortgage e-mails.

I came to acceptance through change. I started meditation, yoga to go, and writing. I changed my own nature. I reminded myself that I am a teacher. It’s not what I do; it’s who I am. I took control of every wish for the pain to go away and replaced it with the intention to work for it. The world around me released signs, tasks, learning opportunities, teachable moments, and creative ideas. Opportunities prepared themselves for me when I decided to be my own change agent. I mentored. I saw breakthroughs. I got confirmation of inspiration and daily gratitude. I change the world today by seizing every treasured moment of my life.

“Future” lives in me, and we will live forever. This is possible because I am an educator. I’ve touched the lives of 6-12th graders in the UAE, and 7-12th graders, as well as college freshman, in the USA.

Mortgage payments and mourning, led me to immortality.
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Comment by annbaby11

Joined: 5/15/2016
Posts: 5
Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at ([email protected]), for more information about me.
because i have some important thing i will like to discuss with you privately.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Posted: Sunday, May 15, 2016 5:03:17 AM
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Comment by christine92

Joined: 3/16/2018
Posts: 8
Great article, I like it very much) Where did you get it?
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2018 8:31:04 AM
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