What a loaded phrase. I heard that from all of my family and friends back a few months ago.

I was having more and more problems with my fiance, and I had to make a decision. I had to do what was best for me, what made me happy. My fiance had stopped working on our relationship. I was trying so hard to keep us together and he seemed to never care. He had even stopped showing me physical affection. No hugs, no kisses, no touching really at all. We were seeing each other on the weekends but fighting that whole time and even fighting throughout the whole week on the phone. Only after two and a half years of being together, I saw his father in him, and I knew I did not want the relationship his parents had. When did the ball start rolling? He told me a month before I made the decision that if I got another tattoo he "wouldn't love me anymore." He would stay with me, but be dead inside. What a wake up call.

I took to him all of the things I couldn't stand about our relationship. I had over ten things on my list, ranging from the fact that he wouldn't help me with wedding planning or paying for anything to how he used control over me to get me to do what he wanted. I told him all of these things, and told him I needed time to think. But ultimately, I needed to make the decision about whether or not he could change, and if he couldn't, if I could live with who he was right at that moment.

I decided I couldn't. I broke off the engagement and the relationship.

Since then, my life has been a whirlwind of good and bad all mixed together. I cried many nights before the break up, but once I made that decision, I knew there was no remorse, no breaking. I was strong and have moved on with my life. It's been almost two months, and it was the best decision I've ever made. Though he is a nice person, he just wasn't right for me. I didn't want to get married to just be divorced. What a waste of life! He however had a much harder time with the breakup. Crying, obsessively calling me (32 missed calls in 2.5 hours) and still obviously hurting even though he is now "in a relationship" with someone who I'm pretty sure has no idea about what has recently gone on in his life. He even still owes me $1,000 dollars from cancellations of wedding things. (If anyone knows how I can get him to give me that money, please let me know!!)

And after all of this, I still believe in love. I still believe in marriage. I believe that there is one person out there who will truly make me the happiest girl alive for the rest of my life. I believe there are two people in the world who meet and will grow together until they die. These two people must be themselves, and must be perfect for each other. I just realized it wasn't He and I.

I believe that those people who are reading this and are truly in love will understand how it must feel and be absolutely grateful for the love they have in their lives. To you, congratulations. I have seen many relationships and marriages work and stay together with true love and hard work. I also though, want this to be for the people out there who are unhappy in their relationships, engagements, or married lives. You need to do what makes you happy. This decision was not easy for me in the least bit. It took hard work. I had to figure out what my life would be like NOT having a plan. I was so isolated from all of my friends before, I worried about being alone, never getting my friends back and never getting back to the life I wanted to live, back to who I really was.

Did I love him? Yes, I loved who he used to be. He unfortunately is no longer that person anymore. We didn't change at the same pace. Weddings and marriage are for those people who are perfect for each other and who will work it out, stick with each other, thick or thin. They don't say "til death do us part" for no reason in the wedding vows. I do believe that when I marry it will be until death do I part. I will one day find (Yes I know, cheesy) my 'Soul mate' and until then I will remember that I need to live life to the fullest and not be afraid to love again.