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How can I tell my stepdaughter that I don't want any role in her upcoming wedding?

Joined: 3/21/2015
Posts: 1
My husband and I have been married 20 years and we have a 17 year old son. We have always been active in his daughters life but she never lived with us. She and her mom and I have always been cordial but never close. I have always supported a relationship between her and my husband and her little brother(my son). She is now 30 and planning her wedding. There has always been uncomfortableness at family gatherings because I was seen as the reason hubby and ex never reunited(they were never married) but I have always just smiled through it and avoided when I could. Now I am dreading the wedding as I don't really want any "role" in the occasion. I would rather support my husband quietly and remain in the background. She has not asked anything of me yet, but has accused me of overstepping my boundaries by offering my help if there is anything she needs. So I just want to support hubby and son. How do I voice my feelings without starting trouble if she should try, out of some sense of obligation, to include me in any "role at the wedding?
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Comment by etiquette

Joined: 11/5/2013
Posts: 38
A: My advice to you is not anticipate anything. I seriously doubt, from what you’ve said, that you’ll be asked to do anything at all. If you are asked, simply decline. Follow your plan of being supportive of your husband and son, realizing that much of the time your role will be that of a bystander. Keep smiling. These ‘dreaded’ occasions go by very fast. I hope this helps.

Jay Remer
The Etiquette Guy
email: [email protected]
Twitter @etiquetteguy
Posted: Tuesday, April 7, 2015 8:27:40 PM
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Joined: 11/6/2019
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