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Retirement Editor's Welcome: May 9th-15th, 2012
Summer's Here and the Time is Right!
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Summer is on its way and what a great time to start a project! Be it an outdoor remodel, landscaping the yard, or maybe working on the inside to accomplish maybe… say, transforming that space that once was occupied by your young one before they flew the nest?! Yes, true, preserving it as a shrine in their memory is an option... but it is time to let it go now and turn it into that space you have secretly desired but maybe been too apprehensive to approach!
There are those who will contend with empty nest syndrome and the emotions which are real, will create an obstacle for moving forward in their lives, and still those who have or are learning to move along with their lives, yet, just can’t seem to allow this sacred space that once housed one of the single most occupation of your time, to be turned into anything but. But to hang on to it for what it was will not necessarily bring it back! In fact, maybe a good way to learn to let go is to do just that….let go!
Maybe your reasoning is, that they will ‘return for visits and will want to feel like it is still their home’. And what a better way than to let them retro back to their old abode; their old place of residence….their room, their bathroom…their digs! Truth is, while they are always welcomed and in fact they should know this, they have moved on to a new chapter in their own life and hopefully they realize this as well. Realistically they are now guests in your home, and while they are still able to feel like they are home, it is on the terms of the ‘now’. ‘The now’ being that the parents have moved along with their lives absent the kid(s) and the kid(s) have created their own lives absent the parent. But there is always room to meet in the middle and live and enjoy the time for what it is.
After we moved into our current house, one sacrifice my wife and I made was a space of our own to relax, dwell, create and enjoy our ‘selves’. We had always had a separate room from our own, to read, listen to or play music, share our innermost desires and dreams….a place to separate ourselves from the rest of the house, or world as it was. But we had to let it go since our new home just didn’t allow this template. When our son made the decision to move out on his own, we made sure that he knew and was sure about what he was doing and that this is what he wanted. The caveat was that once he was gone, he may not have a room to come back to…”are you sure of this?” we asked once more. Now, some of you may be in shock and horror and others grinning of what happened next! Two days after his exodus….that room was demolished and stripped from ceiling to floor. Walls came out, oversized and excessive closets were decimated to open up the room and create more space. There was now going to be a separate entrance into the bathroom so it could truly be a “guest” bathroom, which made way to a small hallway and the pantry my wife never really had before. It took many weekends, days off and nights after work, but after a month and a half his old room was transformed into our new den.
Now within this new safe haven is a room of good chi where we can vibrate to crystals and stones, read, sit and chat with each other, play or all out “jam” on the guitar, listen to the stereo….it’s the den! And let me tell you it was all very liberating! It was a good release for us both, took our minds off of the “loss” we had incurred and brought us together doing a project we planned, came up with ideas as we went and eventually accomplished, together. And even our son enjoys the new status of his old quarters.
Just my story!
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. It doesn’t matter if you have made that ultimate remodel or are thinking about it. Even if it has nothing to do with a son or daughter leaving the nest, we all have those ultimate projects, and surely a story or two to share!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: May 1st-8th, 2012
The Spring Has Sprung
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
For most of us spring has sprung nationwide…. not without the rouge storm or two of course! Depending on where you are located, spring can take on many different faces and bring to heart a myriad of feelings. While wildflowers are blooming, birds are abound, and Grey whales making their annual migration along the west coast, the villages on the Tenana River are experiencing record flooding from ice damning and the backed up water. While the sheer lack of snow in some areas of the U.S. have brought about early yard clean up, the planting of vegetable gardens and turning of beds, the rapidly receding snow which pummeled much of Alaska from early fall up to April is giving way to a bleak, yet common sight, of a dead and dormant moonscape. The destruction of this past fall’s horrendous winds is becoming apparent as the sheath of white which rapidly camouflaged and covered it early on, begins to fade, revealing it‘s toll.
Yes, depending on where you are, determines the emotion you hold while feeling spring in the air.
For most of us here, to feel the sun, even if the highs are still in the 40’s by day, is utter divinity. With the sun rising near 5:00AM and it not setting until 11:00PM, it is easy to forget the harsh and brutal winter we experienced, and the long dark days which will almost always affect you in one way or the other. All eyes and hearts are on the beginning of the spectacular summers that we enjoy here. The ultimate sacrifice we make is enduring the long, cold and dark winters to be able to ‘live‘ for these summers. Almost as soon as the snow will melt, it is followed by the birth of some form of fauna, grass, buds, the arrival of all types of bird and water fowl, hatching of eggs, and the dropping of life! Much rebirth, which will soon overtake the current starkness and lackluster which we are watching unfold in the wake of break-up.
The first sea gulls arrived two weeks or so ago and the snow geese can be heard overhead in their splendorous flocks so tightly formed. It won’t be long before the ice turns on the many lakes and ponds and the tundra swans and trumpeter swans will come in for their splash downs. The loons will soon arrive with their joyous and familiar cries late into the sunlit nights. Although not always the most welcomed sight, nonetheless, the grizzly and black bears are pulling up from the winter lairs, hungry and on the prowl. One unfortunate sight that we are experiencing, a result from the hard winter we had, is the unfortunate death and malnourishment to the moose population. Many were lost from starvation due to the deep and difficult to navigate snow and lack of edible vegetation buried within the deep white. And so will the evidence of such continue as May will see the dropping of undernourished moose calves. Many will fall prey to the larger animals hungrily seeking food and still others will not survive their weakened and sad state of birth.
Good and bad, we take it all here. This is what we signed on to. This is what all Alaskans sign on to! You hold ground and make due through the bad; celebrate and relish the good! Life here is a series of projects in the name of survival and comfort. Although our springs are short and not as spectacular as maybe in some areas, we live for the few divine summer months we get. There is nothing like wading arse high in river glacier melt off running past your extremities, under the midnight sun, fishing sockeye salmon to stock your freezer for the winter. Coming out of the river and pulling in to catch a few hours of sleep at 200AM, which is the crack of dawn actually…. night never really falls in the summer…. before waking at 5:30 to start a new day, is a feeling that cannot be accurately described until you experience it for yourself. Or not…but at least try it once!
How is your springtime coming along? The many seasons of each of us within this spectacular springtime is vast and unique to each individual. Share with us your spring thoughts…. we would love to hear your story! Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: April 23rd-30th, 2012
Where Does the Time Go?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Born of a time when media was evolving, social changes were rampant, and the ideals of earlier times were being challenged, many baby boomers, ironically, are witnessing the same dynamics in modern times. Oh sure, maybe on a different scale. Actually, many of the advancements in technology and media then, have led us to where we are, now. One thing that seems to continually slip away forever in the tide of change is the simplicity of time.
Time, was something that many of us had the opportunity of experiencing , once. Nowadays it seems that along with communication as noted in last weeks Editors piece, ‘time’ is slowly becoming a dieing concept, simply because most of us just don’t seem to have any time for it anymore! Say that 5 times fast, backwards. Ok, maybe…just maybe, I am being a little too hard on that whole idea. After all, with the birth of appointment books & organizers and more recently calendar & organizer ‘widgets’ for hand held devices, there is some hope for the revival of time. More and more people are taking advantage of such to make time more readily available. Prioritizing and trade off’s have made time management something that more and more of us are taking advantage of.
One interesting phenomenon is that the shifts in technology that many baby boomers have witnessed and experienced over time, were to supposed to have made ‘time’ more of a tangible commodity, by the saving of it. Personally, I can’t help but observe the progression and ask myself if this theory has proven itself worthy? The obtaining of everything we need in the way of information, networking and communication are all at most of our fingertips these days, which in theory should allow us the convenience of more time. Although in some senses it truly does, it seems that now, the expansion into doing ‘more’ and having ‘faster’ have become an invisible obsession to many people. The time they may have saved is not being re-invested into true meaning within their lives.
One example of the catatonic suspension of time is what my wife recently did. She took the regular ‘pump’ type kitchen sink soap dispenser…you know, the one that allows you to soap a sponge, your hands, and dishwater at lightning speed to “save time”….. She switched it out for a ceramic piece with a pour spout in it, for the soap. Now, although it looks a lot nicer on the sinks edge….it takes too long to do any kind of washing! But, right there is the irony in it all. By sacrificing an object which was strategically developed to save time, being ’the pump’, a more time consuming manual device has now made it possible to appreciate ‘a little more time‘! Now, I have bought 15 seconds more of time that I didn’t have each time before, every time I wash my hands or the dishes in the sink!! Woo-hoo!
Although a small step, it has allowed us to slow down enough to enjoy some of the things we were missing, such as: The 10 feet of snow outside the front of the house all winter. Usually, it was an effort just to get through it to get in the front door! Seldom did we ever have any time to really appreciate it….like we do now while washing our hands! Just think what it will be like to enjoy the view, with this saved time, once summer finally arrives! Then, there is the sacred act of thought; personally, there really isn’t much I can ponder in 10 to 15 seconds. But seriously, I do have the leisure of re-gathering my mind each time and as a whole, I suppose it has made some kind of small impact.
The point is, simply, by taking a step backwards and defying the whole “in the name of convenience” theory, we actually made time to appreciate a few brief moments of time we otherwise didn’t have. Seems silly enough, but it actually is enlightening when you think about it and find ways to expand on it. One thing I have always been adamant about is the absence of clocks or any other type of time device in places of enjoyment at our home, like, the music room, reading areas or my pottery studio for instance. These are places that are sacred ‘timeless’ sanctuaries.
I have to admit that I, like many, am guilty of not making the time I should to do the important things in life like relax, meet or talk with family and friends more consistently and make time for the things that ‘I‘ truly need. But possibly, the simple act of becoming more aware and taking small steps towards a better definition of what ‘time’ really is, will help to make more of it in my future. One can only hope to find the time, as we all ask where has time gone!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: April 17th-21st, 2012
Communication
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
My recent transformation into the age of technology brought to mind thought on a subject which I have watched evolve over recent years. My choice to upgrade to a smart phone was primarily based on the ability I would have to communicate easier. To be able to spontaneously correspond with emails, have access to the web in real time when I needed to and a myriad of other abilities it would allow me, all helped me to decide that was a good business tool. Then, realization set in.
In the age before the modern technological boom, many of us had to rely on smoke signals, messenger service by horseback, paper airplanes, or the good old cups and a string, Today, we can be in touch with anyone anywhere in the world at any given moment! The ability to respond and correspond with one another has never in the history of man been so convenient and ever so present. Be it business or pleasure, we all have the ability to communicate in some form or on some level with people, within seconds of any given time or day. We receive emails, tweets and feeds on handheld devices, net books, home computers, cell phones and most of us have the opportunity to respond to such at our fingertips. Yet, the art of communication is somehow being lost in our days, which have seemingly become so much busier, oddly, in lieu of the same technology that is supposed to have made our lives easier!
If your reading this, chances are you are at an age where you can remember the days when someone would call you and you would answer. It just came natural! The age of the answering machine made it easier to pass the call if your were busy at the moment but you would always call them back. If you were contacting a business and a recording told you someone would call you back, you would typically get just that…..a call back! When email was a pioneering experience most of us couldn’t wait to get home so we could check our emails and correspond to friends and family. It wasn’t too long ago that you would text someone and actually get a text back at some point! So I sit and wonder, where has the common respect, courtesy and business ethic gone?
I personally won’t even leave messages anymore when a business suggests such, in order for me to receive a call back and am reluctant when a live person indicates the same. Primarily because it typically will never happen! Someone who is working for you such as, say, an insurance agent, says they will get back to you and almost every time it will be ’you’ who has to eventually call them and remind them that they never did get back to you! I can’t count the times I have sent an email to someone and no matter how urgent or important it is, I never hear boo back or it takes an eternity or two more reminder emails for a response. I even went so far recently to have the bank mail me an important document via snail mail and actually made a bet with my wife that I wouldn’t get it…..I won! Even simple networking has become somewhat of an impossible task anymore as people just will not recognize you if they are too busy or feel that you just aren’t important to their daily agendas. I just cannot describe how frustrated I get when a person or business just doesn’t respond!
Where has simple communication gone?
We are all experiencing a time when simple and mutual correspondence is becoming a lost and forgotten form. I wonder just how bad it will get? How far will we continue to allow simple communication to dissipate into a foggy form, such as that of the smoke signals that we one time so often used?
One interesting fact to observe is that the younger generations have grown into a period in time where lack of communication is a norm, or, the only form of communication they know has evolved into the form of social networking. They have never really been around long enough to know better or to have experienced a time when people actually did respond and really did return a form of summons! It is those of us who dwell in the present and have been around for the past, that see and experience the utter disappointment of being ‘dissed’ or just forgotten about! We are the ones that are becoming a lost generation and most certainly will be looked upon one day as the same kind of relic as the past devices of communication itself.
Now more than ever there is technically no reason for the lack of interaction. Yet, now more than ever before it seems we are losing the simple ethics and morals of finding the time in our busy lives to simply return a call, email or text. It truly makes me wonder where the future of communication will go and I wish there was someone I could call or email to ask this question. But even if there was…chances are they just wont get back to me!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: April 9th-15th, 2012
How Smart Is 'Smart'?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Who would have ever thought that technology would be where it is today?! All of us have been in that space in time when the 8 track player in your car or truck was all the craze. Forget about the birth of cassette tapes! What about when a mobile phone was the size of a shoe box, or, you could walk around the house with a cordless phone…remember when we even had home phones?! The size of the first ‘personal’ computers…they seemed like they had their own weather systems! But now, today, almost everyone has the world quite literally in the palm of their hands.
Name one place where you can go nowadays where you won’t see people of all ages walking around or sitting about with their latest form of entertainment, information or communication at their fingertips. It seems that Iphones, Androids and Blackberry’s have become such a common spot in most peoples lives and are here to stay.
Last month, I personally broke down and joined the ranks. I bought my first smart phone. But, my ‘smart’ phone has me questioning the intelligence of such! How smart, is smart?
I suppose I should start by saying that I chose to upgrade to a smart phone because I was finding more and more in my businesses and working endeavors that the flexibility and availability of email, communication and information on the go and on the road could be beneficial to me. I resisted for a long time believing that I honestly didn't really need such a thing…but made the decision and finally caved. Now, 3 weeks into the deal, I don’t regret it, however, I have lately found myself asking where is the ‘smart’ in this daggummed gadget, anyway?
First off, my simple flip phone was far easier when it came to making a simple old fashioned phone call. Flip it open and press a button…your talking! Now, with this phone…which is smart…there is a procedure or criteria that has to be made in order to place that same call. Minutes later, after unlocking the screen, finding the dialer icon, browsing my favorites or contacts, and getting my big fingertip to hit the right name…I am lucky if I have my call happening. Hmmm…just seems a little excessive at times! But then again, maybe I should read the directions…wait…what are ‘directions’?! There is a ’Help’ App for that! I figure what really convinced me, was when my smart phone decided entirely on it’s own to actually dial someone on my contact list without my consent or knowledge. Really!?! Good thing I wasn’t saying anything incriminating while someone else was lying on the counter listening to my conversation in the kitchen with my wife, completely unknowing to either of us! It’s going to be an ongoing learning curb and practice of patience.
At the end of the day, I have found more than once that in fact the advantages of this device are worth crying “uncle”. I see why I resisted for so long though, and haven’t since uttered the thought from my lips, “why didn’t I do this sooner?” Upon the recommendation of a friend I downloaded an…App…that gives me access to thousands of ring tones and wallpapers. To my amazement, but not to my surprise, I found little interest in most of it. Although I admit downloading that twisted in nature,“whistle” from “Kill Bill” for a ring tone, why would I want to hear my phone fart every time someone is emailing me?? I also believe that my own pics that I can take and download as my own custom wallpaper, would be a more sufficient form of satisfaction to my eyes than say, a computer generated and somewhat perfect and flawless image referred to as “Psychedelic Groovy”, which really had no ‘groovy’ properties to it at all!
I doubt I will be too interested in the ‘Sims'…real life is quite enough…and ‘Angry Birds’ came and went with my temporary addiction to it, to which I still scratch my head in disbelief at, on my wife’s Iphone, sitting in front of the warm fires on this past winters’ cold nights! Like most things, I guess it all comes down to individual taste and need. Personally I am satisfied with my choice, but really don’t feel any smarter about it all.
At least now, when I am amongst other humans out in some public place, I won’t feel so stupid standing around actually enjoying my surroundings, while everyone else has their heads peering down in their hands, tasking on their ‘smart’ devices. I guess, now, I can pretend that I feel smart too!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: April 1st-8th, 2012
Time for a Road Trip
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
Time For A Road Trip
Whether you are married or a single parent, a recent empty nester or about to experience this stage of life for the first time, it is essential to make some realistic plans to offset the blues and bring excitement to the empty nest. Sure, there are hobbies to explore, maybe the home renovations that you have put off for
so long can finally be considered. But beyond that, the empty nest is the perfect time to tend to something that has been quite possibly put off for far too long.
Right now is the perfect time for you and your spouse to make plans to get away, with each other, and explore life in a different light. How many years have you dedicated to sports schedules, homework, entertaining or taxi parent? It’s all part of raising the family, but during these years there may be something that occurs in a relationship which can create distance with a couple. Planning time to
get away alone, together, is a great opportunity to re-connect with each other and one another’s needs. It is a time to begin re-initiating communication that may have been broken, a time to fortify or re-kindle that loving bond or connection.
A single parent may well have put their personal needs on hold for all of these years as they raise their kids. Although you may have created ways to pull the weight of two parents, by yourself, now you can comfortably begin to learn how to begin putting yourself first. Personal needs or emotions that may have been subdued while raising your kid(s) can now be brought to the front of your life and explored to better fit your current needs. Once again, that dream trip by yourself or with a friend is the opportune time to find some serenity and time to reacquaint yourself, with…yourself! I recently spoke with someone who is far from the complete ‘empty nest’ scenario, who is ready to jump ship for a two week secluded vacation exploring the beaches of Costa Rica or Belize, just to find some much needed peace, quiet and personal time to pull together her life and personal needs!
No matter, married or single, there is so much that now needs to be re-built within yourself or a relationship to begin the rest of ‘your’ life! Putting this kind of time off is not always recommended. It is just too easy to allow the emotions that ‘miss those kids‘ to continue to occupy your time. Soon complacency may lead way to further putting off the importance of re-exploring your relationships and/or ‘self’. Nowadays we are a society that is constantly on the go and relaxation too often is not on top of our social lives or list of chores. Oddly, we will still allow time to grieve the absence of our kids but put ourselves and ‘our‘ needs at bay?!
So many people before us have confirmed what we are learning now as empty nesters. That is; it isn’t easy to convert form raising a family to a quiet and empty house! We miss the attention, the demands and needs of our every fiber as a parent. The feeling of “being important” is now gone! It is all real and most of us will experience it all in some form, at one time or another.
But consider this: What if, for example, your husband was feeling a similar emptiness in the absence, say, of his son….his buddy? He may not feel comfortable, as a male or a strong figure in the family structure, to express his feelings, thus dealing with it quietly and possibly painfully on his own. The need to be able to
join as spouses and work through all of this is so important to the continued strength and survival of your relationship. On the flip side, how will you as a single parent ever find the comfort of companionship with the opposite sex that maybe you have put off for so long while raising your child, if you yourself are so
wrapped up in post parent fatigue and empty nest blues, that you fail to see or hear the voice of the one now vying for your attention?!
Now is the opportune time to get away!
With summer coming around the corner, those dream destinations are waiting eagerly to pamper you, intrigue or delight the senses and make space for you to rejuvenate yourself or the love of one another that may have taken some kind of backseat for so many years.
Where would your desire find you vacationing in the coming months of the empty nest? Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: March 23rd-31st, 2012
Retirement of a Different Breed
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
Often times we have somewhat of a preconceived notion of the typical retirement. Last day of work… forever… co-workers throwing a party to send one off, time to do whatever and go wherever the wind blows. Taking up those hobbies you put off for so many years, visiting old friends, road trips. We associate retirement with age, status and other symbolism's that constitute this life changing ritual.
This is a short story of a retiree of a different sort.
A dedication, if you would, to the hard work of one that has served himself well and has been accomplished in everything that he has done and experienced in life. Unlike badges of honor, he has earned himself rank in file in the way of nicknames, such as: The beach bastard. The campsite creation. The trail-side terror. One couple, somewhere out there, is actually under the impression that he served honorably with Homeland Security’s Airport Bomb detail…another story for another day, but believe me, the experience is no doubt a conversation piece at many a table with guests! All of these, badges, in the name of protecting what he believed in, holding his ground and giving in to nobody. He never wavered and seldom “settled”. Many nights were spent sleeping with the knowledge that somewhere out there, he was on the guard and constant watch.
He would always be there as a friend and confidante, whenever he sensed a problem he would handle it or let it be known to others that assistance was needed. He listened diligently, never argued, always had patience and would forgive anything that was said out of line or in haste. On occasion, like many of us, he let his hair down and pulled knuckle headed antics, or a complete lack of respect for rule and authority. But then again, this is what made him who he was…and still is…an animal! Then, there was love. This side of him was absolutely amazing. With the nicknames he earned, who would ever imagine he could be such a lovey dovey dude, a total Romeo?! But he was. Another nickname properly earned; the love whore!
Everyone who met him would flip head over heels. He has always been a very distinguished and handsome guy, always in good shape and fine in fit & form. Very good looking…if I do say so myself!
But those days of youth and his wild side have shifted and nowadays, he finds himself in…well, retirement! His characteristics may have matured and mellowed but make no mistake, he still periodically feels his oats and will let it be known! However, he has chosen to enjoy the finer things of life, and you would never know now how he lived out all those earlier mentioned nicknames. Now, most days are spent in his private retirement community, fondly known as ‘Boca del Vista’.
During the cold and frigid months of winter you will find him hanging out inside where it is warm; the cold is no longer as appealing to him as was in his younger years. Summer will find him lazing around in the sun or serving as an informal referee for impromptu rugby games amongst his constituents. He has been referred to as a freeloader; as he doesn’t have to work for his meals anymore and does nothing really but enjoy resting, hanging out, and periodically creating some kind of drama…just because he can! On days when he doesn’t want to come out to the dining room…his meals are served to him in bed. In fact, he now has a permanent big fluffy pillow next to my bed. Hmmm, you ask….??
He is my buddy. He has never let me down and now, after all those years he looked after me, it is I who watches his back and make sure he is safe. Of our three, Cherokee would be our ‘retired’ dog.
A beautiful Alaskan Malamute/wolf mix, he is enjoying his older years taking life in stride and leaving the hard work to his sisters, the other two dogs, and looking to his humans for comfort and support and love; “freeloading”, as my wife so jokingly refers! It is fun for us to coax the jokes and reminisce all we have done through the years with him! He has been and continues to be a loyal and true companion to our family.
I guess it goes to say, we “all” will retire some day. Even if we have four paws, a long bushy tail and a thick soft coat! Who says retirement isn’t for the dogs?! Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: March 16th-22nd, 2012
Time To Think About Tomorrow
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
The other day, somebody said something about graduation. I realized that in fact graduations were a bit of a way off for most! Mind you, I was catching a conversation between two people in the store. Eavesdropping you say? Quite possibly so, but then again I was interested at the angle of the conversation. On the one hand, somebody was terrified that their daughter was close to graduation and nearing flight of the nest to spread her wings out on her own and away to college. The other side of the chat was somebody who had lost her son to ‘independence’ some years ago.
To the veteran empty nester, it seemed there was complete peace and joy in the fact that the house has been remodeled, there is quiet in the evenings which allowed her to think in depth of her wants and desires and here husband and her have grown closer. Then, there was the woman who was sounding like life as she knew it was going down the tubes. Her entire life evolved around her daughter. Now, the thought of the coming quiet nights seemed like a death sentence to her, and she commented how she would feel useless and would no longer feel needed. She was definitely not fond of the months that were nearing, and way too soon, according to her.
News flash: You will still be needed!
Speaking primarily from experience, and from the experience of those before me the flight of your young adult does not mean that you are going to be mothballed. On the contrary, you are just going to have to make adjustments to the fact that your young adult is going to require a different roll from you. Today, just months to go before graduation, it may be the perfect time to begin looking at your son and/or daughter in a different light.
Offering them the chance to have the space they need for their future plans will open the door for them to feel comfort. Whether or not they have always been close to you and open about things; come to you for advice or problem solving, now is the time to allow that space for them. In the long run they will feel a little more comfort. They may even feel a little scared being?! But this is where you will still be needed for this transition, only with allowing them to have more of a peek into the world they are about to enter. Being there for them as an advisor in those scary moments or issues of uncertainty.
As time transitions, this effort you are sewing now, will keep the door ever-opening as time progresses. You will find an actual appreciation for what they are doing with their lives. Witnessing them succeed as a result of their own decisions and actions. This in turn will keep them at ease and comfortable for coming to you with needs or concerns they may have about their new lives as young independent adults. It’s a circle that will continue to expand and evolve into a beautiful relationship on a whole new level! At the same time, you yourself will find that the transition wasn’t as hard as you may have feared!
Although it seems like a scenario that is unbearable, the empty nest is a doable thing. It takes an open mind and a transitional attitude, positive thinking, and, some prayer never hurts! The good thing is that you are not going through a pioneering experience, rather exploring the path that so many before you have walked. Reaching out to friends and family, specialists, or even resource material is a great way to open this new world to you.
We will always miss the rituals and memories of raising them. However, there is a whole new life ahead for both you and your young adults!
How ready are you for the jump into the empty nest stage of life? Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
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Editor's Welcome: March 9th-15th, 2012
Hold On To Your Dreams
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
Where I come from is simple 'old school' principles. Work hard, be honest, dream big, save your money and when that golden day of retirement comes, live out your dreams! Ok, well..... maybe some of these principles aren't so simple anymore. In fact, they are getting down right difficult to follow. Sure, honesty is a given, and 'work hard' is engrained in me. But save for retirement....? So I won't talk about me today but rather someone from that 'old school' I speak of.
I saw pictures the other day of a dream that has been in the making for the past 48 years or so. Wait. Let me step back a few decades.
I have vivid pictures in my head of that ‘dream’ covered in dust, in many different pieces, buried amongst clutter and what not. This is the picture I can recall for a good part of that 48 years I mentioned. But the other day, I saw what is becoming quite clearly the end result of those many years. Those many years of hard work, patience and holding on to that dream are finally paying off.
Life can be about putting away your endeavors, your hobbies, the thing that drove you the most, quite literally, when you were young and had the world by the unspeakables. Starting a family and spending the next several decades or better with your priorities in sight knowing that one day you will be able to retire so you can once again pick up where those earlier years that helped to make you who you are, left off. Thus, the dream.
The pictures I received on the smart phone the other day brought it all full circle for me, personally. To see my dad's 32 Ford coupe that he has hung onto since he was a teenager, finally in the beginning stages of it's new found glory, in his newly built 'mega' shop. It brought about emotion that I have yet to be able to put into words. Ok, so it was a pile of an unrecognizable dust ball for nearly half of a century. I mean, touching and smelling dust from 1964....hmmm! But look at it now!
He has finally finished refurbishing and re-building the frame and brought home the body the other day. After cold fitting the body for measurements he took some pictures and sat in it for the first time in nearly 48 years. Mind you, it is far from "done", but to actually see this day that up until now has just been a dream. But a dream that never wavered and never died. It just brought it all home for me.
The man dreamed of this day far before it's time. He knew that one day all his hard work and determination throughout his life would some day make way for his dream to come true. Way to go dad! You never gave up and set your goals to come to this. You are an inspiration to our family, and all of this is too exciting to see unfold! Your example has taught us all, to hold on to our dreams!
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Editor's Welcome: March 1st-8th, 2012
Watch Out for Those Piles, Mr. Tax Man!
By NancyMyMoves, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
I’ll be honest; I don’t fear The Tax Man. Maybe I should, but I pride myself on my superior organizational skills, especially the ones that I’ve adapted for tax-related documents. So if Tax Man comes in the night to audit me, I’ll be ready. I’ll just need to straighten those piles. Are you still cringing because I said “tax man”? Sorry! I’ll give you a bit of background and share my secret tax organization system so you’ll never need fear that figurative knock on the door.
Self-Employment
I’m getting closer to retirement age, but am resolved in the idea that I’ll never really get there. But I do love my work and self-employment does bring with it several positives – freedom from idiot bosses, escape from interminable meetings and the flexibility of making your own schedule. The downsides are – no benefits unless you buy them, unpredictability of your income and the bizarre tax structure for the self-employed. I won’t go into it here so you don’t hyperventilate.
Self-employment does force you to be really obsessive about your tax records. Not long ago, the self-employed and small business owners seemed to be targeted more frequently for audits. Why, because we’re all secretly hoarding stashes of cash from cheating on our taxes? No one I know has any cash, period. So that’s another reason I try to keep track of tax stuff.
Now, of course I’m not an expert or claim to know anything about taxes, but here are some of my tips:
• Get a good accountant – Yes, of course you can use Roto-Tax and do your own online or visit the Block people. But I’ve found that finding a skilled accountant whom you trust is the key to sleeping at night “on or before April 15th.”
• Know the basics – Please don’t try to read and understand tax forms. You’ll develop an aneurysm. But do some research online, especially if you’re looking for deductions. Did you know that some moving expenses can be deducted? I didn’t. Don’t get too creative, though. Your new ‘do is NOT a job-search expense.
• Keep records – Duh, everybody knows that. I use piles, I mean neat folders. I admit I do just stuff the documents and receipts in there and don’t take the time to do it right. But at least sometime in March, I can put my hands on the folders.
Confession: Sometimes I open the door to the extra bedroom, which is now my “remote office” because it’s down the hall from my “main office,” and just throw paper through the door, close the door and then run. Well, I don’t run, but you get the point.
• Spreadsheets – Just yesterday I admitted to a friend that Excel scares me. I don’t know why because I do sort of know how to use it. But in my spreadsheet avoidance, I constructed my own form to record my income/expenses, etc. My accountant even said it was cool.
Okay, that’s all I got. But hopefully your tax season-induced anxiety is a little better. If not, I’d suggest a nice Malbec…
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
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