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|  | Retirement Editor's Welcome: May 9th-15th, 2012
Summer's Here and the Time is Right!
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Summer is on its way and what a great time to start a project! Be it an outdoor remodel, landscaping the yard, or maybe working on the inside to accomplish maybe… say, transforming that space that once was occupied by your young one before they flew the nest?! Yes, true, preserving it as a shrine in their memory is an option... but it is time to let it go now and turn it into that space you have secretly desired but maybe been too apprehensive to approach!
There are those who will contend with empty nest syndrome and the emotions which are real, will create an obstacle for moving forward in their lives, and still those who have or are learning to move along with their lives, yet, just can’t seem to allow this sacred space that once housed one of the single most occupation of your time, to be turned into anything but. But to hang on to it for what it was will not necessarily bring it back! In fact, maybe a good way to learn to let go is to do just that….let go!
Maybe your reasoning is, that they will ‘return for visits and will want to feel like it is still their home’. And what a better way than to let them retro back to their old abode; their old place of residence….their room, their bathroom…their digs! Truth is, while they are always welcomed and in fact they should know this, they have moved on to a new chapter in their own life and hopefully they realize this as well. Realistically they are now guests in your home, and while they are still able to feel like they are home, it is on the terms of the ‘now’. ‘The now’ being that the parents have moved along with their lives absent the kid(s) and the kid(s) have created their own lives absent the parent. But there is always room to meet in the middle and live and enjoy the time for what it is.
After we moved into our current house, one sacrifice my wife and I made was a space of our own to relax, dwell, create and enjoy our ‘selves’. We had always had a separate room from our own, to read, listen to or play music, share our innermost desires and dreams….a place to separate ourselves from the rest of the house, or world as it was. But we had to let it go since our new home just didn’t allow this template. When our son made the decision to move out on his own, we made sure that he knew and was sure about what he was doing and that this is what he wanted. The caveat was that once he was gone, he may not have a room to come back to…”are you sure of this?” we asked once more. Now, some of you may be in shock and horror and others grinning of what happened next! Two days after his exodus….that room was demolished and stripped from ceiling to floor. Walls came out, oversized and excessive closets were decimated to open up the room and create more space. There was now going to be a separate entrance into the bathroom so it could truly be a “guest” bathroom, which made way to a small hallway and the pantry my wife never really had before. It took many weekends, days off and nights after work, but after a month and a half his old room was transformed into our new den.
Now within this new safe haven is a room of good chi where we can vibrate to crystals and stones, read, sit and chat with each other, play or all out “jam” on the guitar, listen to the stereo….it’s the den! And let me tell you it was all very liberating! It was a good release for us both, took our minds off of the “loss” we had incurred and brought us together doing a project we planned, came up with ideas as we went and eventually accomplished, together. And even our son enjoys the new status of his old quarters.
Just my story!
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. It doesn’t matter if you have made that ultimate remodel or are thinking about it. Even if it has nothing to do with a son or daughter leaving the nest, we all have those ultimate projects, and surely a story or two to share!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: May 1st-8th, 2012
The Spring Has Sprung
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
For most of us spring has sprung nationwide…. not without the rouge storm or two of course! Depending on where you are located, spring can take on many different faces and bring to heart a myriad of feelings. While wildflowers are blooming, birds are abound, and Grey whales making their annual migration along the west coast, the villages on the Tenana River are experiencing record flooding from ice damning and the backed up water. While the sheer lack of snow in some areas of the U.S. have brought about early yard clean up, the planting of vegetable gardens and turning of beds, the rapidly receding snow which pummeled much of Alaska from early fall up to April is giving way to a bleak, yet common sight, of a dead and dormant moonscape. The destruction of this past fall’s horrendous winds is becoming apparent as the sheath of white which rapidly camouflaged and covered it early on, begins to fade, revealing it‘s toll.
Yes, depending on where you are, determines the emotion you hold while feeling spring in the air.
For most of us here, to feel the sun, even if the highs are still in the 40’s by day, is utter divinity. With the sun rising near 5:00AM and it not setting until 11:00PM, it is easy to forget the harsh and brutal winter we experienced, and the long dark days which will almost always affect you in one way or the other. All eyes and hearts are on the beginning of the spectacular summers that we enjoy here. The ultimate sacrifice we make is enduring the long, cold and dark winters to be able to ‘live‘ for these summers. Almost as soon as the snow will melt, it is followed by the birth of some form of fauna, grass, buds, the arrival of all types of bird and water fowl, hatching of eggs, and the dropping of life! Much rebirth, which will soon overtake the current starkness and lackluster which we are watching unfold in the wake of break-up.
The first sea gulls arrived two weeks or so ago and the snow geese can be heard overhead in their splendorous flocks so tightly formed. It won’t be long before the ice turns on the many lakes and ponds and the tundra swans and trumpeter swans will come in for their splash downs. The loons will soon arrive with their joyous and familiar cries late into the sunlit nights. Although not always the most welcomed sight, nonetheless, the grizzly and black bears are pulling up from the winter lairs, hungry and on the prowl. One unfortunate sight that we are experiencing, a result from the hard winter we had, is the unfortunate death and malnourishment to the moose population. Many were lost from starvation due to the deep and difficult to navigate snow and lack of edible vegetation buried within the deep white. And so will the evidence of such continue as May will see the dropping of undernourished moose calves. Many will fall prey to the larger animals hungrily seeking food and still others will not survive their weakened and sad state of birth.
Good and bad, we take it all here. This is what we signed on to. This is what all Alaskans sign on to! You hold ground and make due through the bad; celebrate and relish the good! Life here is a series of projects in the name of survival and comfort. Although our springs are short and not as spectacular as maybe in some areas, we live for the few divine summer months we get. There is nothing like wading arse high in river glacier melt off running past your extremities, under the midnight sun, fishing sockeye salmon to stock your freezer for the winter. Coming out of the river and pulling in to catch a few hours of sleep at 200AM, which is the crack of dawn actually…. night never really falls in the summer…. before waking at 5:30 to start a new day, is a feeling that cannot be accurately described until you experience it for yourself. Or not…but at least try it once!
How is your springtime coming along? The many seasons of each of us within this spectacular springtime is vast and unique to each individual. Share with us your spring thoughts…. we would love to hear your story! Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: April 23rd-30th, 2012
Where Does the Time Go?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Born of a time when media was evolving, social changes were rampant, and the ideals of earlier times were being challenged, many baby boomers, ironically, are witnessing the same dynamics in modern times. Oh sure, maybe on a different scale. Actually, many of the advancements in technology and media then, have led us to where we are, now. One thing that seems to continually slip away forever in the tide of change is the simplicity of time.
Time, was something that many of us had the opportunity of experiencing , once. Nowadays it seems that along with communication as noted in last weeks Editors piece, ‘time’ is slowly becoming a dieing concept, simply because most of us just don’t seem to have any time for it anymore! Say that 5 times fast, backwards. Ok, maybe…just maybe, I am being a little too hard on that whole idea. After all, with the birth of appointment books & organizers and more recently calendar & organizer ‘widgets’ for hand held devices, there is some hope for the revival of time. More and more people are taking advantage of such to make time more readily available. Prioritizing and trade off’s have made time management something that more and more of us are taking advantage of.
One interesting phenomenon is that the shifts in technology that many baby boomers have witnessed and experienced over time, were to supposed to have made ‘time’ more of a tangible commodity, by the saving of it. Personally, I can’t help but observe the progression and ask myself if this theory has proven itself worthy? The obtaining of everything we need in the way of information, networking and communication are all at most of our fingertips these days, which in theory should allow us the convenience of more time. Although in some senses it truly does, it seems that now, the expansion into doing ‘more’ and having ‘faster’ have become an invisible obsession to many people. The time they may have saved is not being re-invested into true meaning within their lives.
One example of the catatonic suspension of time is what my wife recently did. She took the regular ‘pump’ type kitchen sink soap dispenser…you know, the one that allows you to soap a sponge, your hands, and dishwater at lightning speed to “save time”….. She switched it out for a ceramic piece with a pour spout in it, for the soap. Now, although it looks a lot nicer on the sinks edge….it takes too long to do any kind of washing! But, right there is the irony in it all. By sacrificing an object which was strategically developed to save time, being ’the pump’, a more time consuming manual device has now made it possible to appreciate ‘a little more time‘! Now, I have bought 15 seconds more of time that I didn’t have each time before, every time I wash my hands or the dishes in the sink!! Woo-hoo!
Although a small step, it has allowed us to slow down enough to enjoy some of the things we were missing, such as: The 10 feet of snow outside the front of the house all winter. Usually, it was an effort just to get through it to get in the front door! Seldom did we ever have any time to really appreciate it….like we do now while washing our hands! Just think what it will be like to enjoy the view, with this saved time, once summer finally arrives! Then, there is the sacred act of thought; personally, there really isn’t much I can ponder in 10 to 15 seconds. But seriously, I do have the leisure of re-gathering my mind each time and as a whole, I suppose it has made some kind of small impact.
The point is, simply, by taking a step backwards and defying the whole “in the name of convenience” theory, we actually made time to appreciate a few brief moments of time we otherwise didn’t have. Seems silly enough, but it actually is enlightening when you think about it and find ways to expand on it. One thing I have always been adamant about is the absence of clocks or any other type of time device in places of enjoyment at our home, like, the music room, reading areas or my pottery studio for instance. These are places that are sacred ‘timeless’ sanctuaries.
I have to admit that I, like many, am guilty of not making the time I should to do the important things in life like relax, meet or talk with family and friends more consistently and make time for the things that ‘I‘ truly need. But possibly, the simple act of becoming more aware and taking small steps towards a better definition of what ‘time’ really is, will help to make more of it in my future. One can only hope to find the time, as we all ask where has time gone!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: April 17th-21st, 2012
Communication
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
My recent transformation into the age of technology brought to mind thought on a subject which I have watched evolve over recent years. My choice to upgrade to a smart phone was primarily based on the ability I would have to communicate easier. To be able to spontaneously correspond with emails, have access to the web in real time when I needed to and a myriad of other abilities it would allow me, all helped me to decide that was a good business tool. Then, realization set in.
In the age before the modern technological boom, many of us had to rely on smoke signals, messenger service by horseback, paper airplanes, or the good old cups and a string, Today, we can be in touch with anyone anywhere in the world at any given moment! The ability to respond and correspond with one another has never in the history of man been so convenient and ever so present. Be it business or pleasure, we all have the ability to communicate in some form or on some level with people, within seconds of any given time or day. We receive emails, tweets and feeds on handheld devices, net books, home computers, cell phones and most of us have the opportunity to respond to such at our fingertips. Yet, the art of communication is somehow being lost in our days, which have seemingly become so much busier, oddly, in lieu of the same technology that is supposed to have made our lives easier!
If your reading this, chances are you are at an age where you can remember the days when someone would call you and you would answer. It just came natural! The age of the answering machine made it easier to pass the call if your were busy at the moment but you would always call them back. If you were contacting a business and a recording told you someone would call you back, you would typically get just that…..a call back! When email was a pioneering experience most of us couldn’t wait to get home so we could check our emails and correspond to friends and family. It wasn’t too long ago that you would text someone and actually get a text back at some point! So I sit and wonder, where has the common respect, courtesy and business ethic gone?
I personally won’t even leave messages anymore when a business suggests such, in order for me to receive a call back and am reluctant when a live person indicates the same. Primarily because it typically will never happen! Someone who is working for you such as, say, an insurance agent, says they will get back to you and almost every time it will be ’you’ who has to eventually call them and remind them that they never did get back to you! I can’t count the times I have sent an email to someone and no matter how urgent or important it is, I never hear boo back or it takes an eternity or two more reminder emails for a response. I even went so far recently to have the bank mail me an important document via snail mail and actually made a bet with my wife that I wouldn’t get it…..I won! Even simple networking has become somewhat of an impossible task anymore as people just will not recognize you if they are too busy or feel that you just aren’t important to their daily agendas. I just cannot describe how frustrated I get when a person or business just doesn’t respond!
Where has simple communication gone?
We are all experiencing a time when simple and mutual correspondence is becoming a lost and forgotten form. I wonder just how bad it will get? How far will we continue to allow simple communication to dissipate into a foggy form, such as that of the smoke signals that we one time so often used?
One interesting fact to observe is that the younger generations have grown into a period in time where lack of communication is a norm, or, the only form of communication they know has evolved into the form of social networking. They have never really been around long enough to know better or to have experienced a time when people actually did respond and really did return a form of summons! It is those of us who dwell in the present and have been around for the past, that see and experience the utter disappointment of being ‘dissed’ or just forgotten about! We are the ones that are becoming a lost generation and most certainly will be looked upon one day as the same kind of relic as the past devices of communication itself.
Now more than ever there is technically no reason for the lack of interaction. Yet, now more than ever before it seems we are losing the simple ethics and morals of finding the time in our busy lives to simply return a call, email or text. It truly makes me wonder where the future of communication will go and I wish there was someone I could call or email to ask this question. But even if there was…chances are they just wont get back to me!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: April 9th-15th, 2012
How Smart Is 'Smart'?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Who would have ever thought that technology would be where it is today?! All of us have been in that space in time when the 8 track player in your car or truck was all the craze. Forget about the birth of cassette tapes! What about when a mobile phone was the size of a shoe box, or, you could walk around the house with a cordless phone…remember when we even had home phones?! The size of the first ‘personal’ computers…they seemed like they had their own weather systems! But now, today, almost everyone has the world quite literally in the palm of their hands.
Name one place where you can go nowadays where you won’t see people of all ages walking around or sitting about with their latest form of entertainment, information or communication at their fingertips. It seems that Iphones, Androids and Blackberry’s have become such a common spot in most peoples lives and are here to stay.
Last month, I personally broke down and joined the ranks. I bought my first smart phone. But, my ‘smart’ phone has me questioning the intelligence of such! How smart, is smart?
I suppose I should start by saying that I chose to upgrade to a smart phone because I was finding more and more in my businesses and working endeavors that the flexibility and availability of email, communication and information on the go and on the road could be beneficial to me. I resisted for a long time believing that I honestly didn't really need such a thing…but made the decision and finally caved. Now, 3 weeks into the deal, I don’t regret it, however, I have lately found myself asking where is the ‘smart’ in this daggummed gadget, anyway?
First off, my simple flip phone was far easier when it came to making a simple old fashioned phone call. Flip it open and press a button…your talking! Now, with this phone…which is smart…there is a procedure or criteria that has to be made in order to place that same call. Minutes later, after unlocking the screen, finding the dialer icon, browsing my favorites or contacts, and getting my big fingertip to hit the right name…I am lucky if I have my call happening. Hmmm…just seems a little excessive at times! But then again, maybe I should read the directions…wait…what are ‘directions’?! There is a ’Help’ App for that! I figure what really convinced me, was when my smart phone decided entirely on it’s own to actually dial someone on my contact list without my consent or knowledge. Really!?! Good thing I wasn’t saying anything incriminating while someone else was lying on the counter listening to my conversation in the kitchen with my wife, completely unknowing to either of us! It’s going to be an ongoing learning curb and practice of patience.
At the end of the day, I have found more than once that in fact the advantages of this device are worth crying “uncle”. I see why I resisted for so long though, and haven’t since uttered the thought from my lips, “why didn’t I do this sooner?” Upon the recommendation of a friend I downloaded an…App…that gives me access to thousands of ring tones and wallpapers. To my amazement, but not to my surprise, I found little interest in most of it. Although I admit downloading that twisted in nature,“whistle” from “Kill Bill” for a ring tone, why would I want to hear my phone fart every time someone is emailing me?? I also believe that my own pics that I can take and download as my own custom wallpaper, would be a more sufficient form of satisfaction to my eyes than say, a computer generated and somewhat perfect and flawless image referred to as “Psychedelic Groovy”, which really had no ‘groovy’ properties to it at all!
I doubt I will be too interested in the ‘Sims'…real life is quite enough…and ‘Angry Birds’ came and went with my temporary addiction to it, to which I still scratch my head in disbelief at, on my wife’s Iphone, sitting in front of the warm fires on this past winters’ cold nights! Like most things, I guess it all comes down to individual taste and need. Personally I am satisfied with my choice, but really don’t feel any smarter about it all.
At least now, when I am amongst other humans out in some public place, I won’t feel so stupid standing around actually enjoying my surroundings, while everyone else has their heads peering down in their hands, tasking on their ‘smart’ devices. I guess, now, I can pretend that I feel smart too!
Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: April 1st-8th, 2012
Time for a Road Trip
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
Time For A Road Trip
Whether you are married or a single parent, a recent empty nester or about to experience this stage of life for the first time, it is essential to make some realistic plans to offset the blues and bring excitement to the empty nest. Sure, there are hobbies to explore, maybe the home renovations that you have put off for
so long can finally be considered. But beyond that, the empty nest is the perfect time to tend to something that has been quite possibly put off for far too long.
Right now is the perfect time for you and your spouse to make plans to get away, with each other, and explore life in a different light. How many years have you dedicated to sports schedules, homework, entertaining or taxi parent? It’s all part of raising the family, but during these years there may be something that occurs in a relationship which can create distance with a couple. Planning time to
get away alone, together, is a great opportunity to re-connect with each other and one another’s needs. It is a time to begin re-initiating communication that may have been broken, a time to fortify or re-kindle that loving bond or connection.
A single parent may well have put their personal needs on hold for all of these years as they raise their kids. Although you may have created ways to pull the weight of two parents, by yourself, now you can comfortably begin to learn how to begin putting yourself first. Personal needs or emotions that may have been subdued while raising your kid(s) can now be brought to the front of your life and explored to better fit your current needs. Once again, that dream trip by yourself or with a friend is the opportune time to find some serenity and time to reacquaint yourself, with…yourself! I recently spoke with someone who is far from the complete ‘empty nest’ scenario, who is ready to jump ship for a two week secluded vacation exploring the beaches of Costa Rica or Belize, just to find some much needed peace, quiet and personal time to pull together her life and personal needs!
No matter, married or single, there is so much that now needs to be re-built within yourself or a relationship to begin the rest of ‘your’ life! Putting this kind of time off is not always recommended. It is just too easy to allow the emotions that ‘miss those kids‘ to continue to occupy your time. Soon complacency may lead way to further putting off the importance of re-exploring your relationships and/or ‘self’. Nowadays we are a society that is constantly on the go and relaxation too often is not on top of our social lives or list of chores. Oddly, we will still allow time to grieve the absence of our kids but put ourselves and ‘our‘ needs at bay?!
So many people before us have confirmed what we are learning now as empty nesters. That is; it isn’t easy to convert form raising a family to a quiet and empty house! We miss the attention, the demands and needs of our every fiber as a parent. The feeling of “being important” is now gone! It is all real and most of us will experience it all in some form, at one time or another.
But consider this: What if, for example, your husband was feeling a similar emptiness in the absence, say, of his son….his buddy? He may not feel comfortable, as a male or a strong figure in the family structure, to express his feelings, thus dealing with it quietly and possibly painfully on his own. The need to be able to
join as spouses and work through all of this is so important to the continued strength and survival of your relationship. On the flip side, how will you as a single parent ever find the comfort of companionship with the opposite sex that maybe you have put off for so long while raising your child, if you yourself are so
wrapped up in post parent fatigue and empty nest blues, that you fail to see or hear the voice of the one now vying for your attention?!
Now is the opportune time to get away!
With summer coming around the corner, those dream destinations are waiting eagerly to pamper you, intrigue or delight the senses and make space for you to rejuvenate yourself or the love of one another that may have taken some kind of backseat for so many years.
Where would your desire find you vacationing in the coming months of the empty nest? Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: March 23rd-31st, 2012
Retirement of a Different Breed
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
Often times we have somewhat of a preconceived notion of the typical retirement. Last day of work… forever… co-workers throwing a party to send one off, time to do whatever and go wherever the wind blows. Taking up those hobbies you put off for so many years, visiting old friends, road trips. We associate retirement with age, status and other symbolism's that constitute this life changing ritual.
This is a short story of a retiree of a different sort.
A dedication, if you would, to the hard work of one that has served himself well and has been accomplished in everything that he has done and experienced in life. Unlike badges of honor, he has earned himself rank in file in the way of nicknames, such as: The beach bastard. The campsite creation. The trail-side terror. One couple, somewhere out there, is actually under the impression that he served honorably with Homeland Security’s Airport Bomb detail…another story for another day, but believe me, the experience is no doubt a conversation piece at many a table with guests! All of these, badges, in the name of protecting what he believed in, holding his ground and giving in to nobody. He never wavered and seldom “settled”. Many nights were spent sleeping with the knowledge that somewhere out there, he was on the guard and constant watch.
He would always be there as a friend and confidante, whenever he sensed a problem he would handle it or let it be known to others that assistance was needed. He listened diligently, never argued, always had patience and would forgive anything that was said out of line or in haste. On occasion, like many of us, he let his hair down and pulled knuckle headed antics, or a complete lack of respect for rule and authority. But then again, this is what made him who he was…and still is…an animal! Then, there was love. This side of him was absolutely amazing. With the nicknames he earned, who would ever imagine he could be such a lovey dovey dude, a total Romeo?! But he was. Another nickname properly earned; the love whore!
Everyone who met him would flip head over heels. He has always been a very distinguished and handsome guy, always in good shape and fine in fit & form. Very good looking…if I do say so myself!
But those days of youth and his wild side have shifted and nowadays, he finds himself in…well, retirement! His characteristics may have matured and mellowed but make no mistake, he still periodically feels his oats and will let it be known! However, he has chosen to enjoy the finer things of life, and you would never know now how he lived out all those earlier mentioned nicknames. Now, most days are spent in his private retirement community, fondly known as ‘Boca del Vista’.
During the cold and frigid months of winter you will find him hanging out inside where it is warm; the cold is no longer as appealing to him as was in his younger years. Summer will find him lazing around in the sun or serving as an informal referee for impromptu rugby games amongst his constituents. He has been referred to as a freeloader; as he doesn’t have to work for his meals anymore and does nothing really but enjoy resting, hanging out, and periodically creating some kind of drama…just because he can! On days when he doesn’t want to come out to the dining room…his meals are served to him in bed. In fact, he now has a permanent big fluffy pillow next to my bed. Hmmm, you ask….??
He is my buddy. He has never let me down and now, after all those years he looked after me, it is I who watches his back and make sure he is safe. Of our three, Cherokee would be our ‘retired’ dog.
A beautiful Alaskan Malamute/wolf mix, he is enjoying his older years taking life in stride and leaving the hard work to his sisters, the other two dogs, and looking to his humans for comfort and support and love; “freeloading”, as my wife so jokingly refers! It is fun for us to coax the jokes and reminisce all we have done through the years with him! He has been and continues to be a loyal and true companion to our family.
I guess it goes to say, we “all” will retire some day. Even if we have four paws, a long bushy tail and a thick soft coat! Who says retirement isn’t for the dogs?! Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: March 16th-22nd, 2012
Time To Think About Tomorrow
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
The other day, somebody said something about graduation. I realized that in fact graduations were a bit of a way off for most! Mind you, I was catching a conversation between two people in the store. Eavesdropping you say? Quite possibly so, but then again I was interested at the angle of the conversation. On the one hand, somebody was terrified that their daughter was close to graduation and nearing flight of the nest to spread her wings out on her own and away to college. The other side of the chat was somebody who had lost her son to ‘independence’ some years ago.
To the veteran empty nester, it seemed there was complete peace and joy in the fact that the house has been remodeled, there is quiet in the evenings which allowed her to think in depth of her wants and desires and here husband and her have grown closer. Then, there was the woman who was sounding like life as she knew it was going down the tubes. Her entire life evolved around her daughter. Now, the thought of the coming quiet nights seemed like a death sentence to her, and she commented how she would feel useless and would no longer feel needed. She was definitely not fond of the months that were nearing, and way too soon, according to her.
News flash: You will still be needed!
Speaking primarily from experience, and from the experience of those before me the flight of your young adult does not mean that you are going to be mothballed. On the contrary, you are just going to have to make adjustments to the fact that your young adult is going to require a different roll from you. Today, just months to go before graduation, it may be the perfect time to begin looking at your son and/or daughter in a different light.
Offering them the chance to have the space they need for their future plans will open the door for them to feel comfort. Whether or not they have always been close to you and open about things; come to you for advice or problem solving, now is the time to allow that space for them. In the long run they will feel a little more comfort. They may even feel a little scared being?! But this is where you will still be needed for this transition, only with allowing them to have more of a peek into the world they are about to enter. Being there for them as an advisor in those scary moments or issues of uncertainty.
As time transitions, this effort you are sewing now, will keep the door ever-opening as time progresses. You will find an actual appreciation for what they are doing with their lives. Witnessing them succeed as a result of their own decisions and actions. This in turn will keep them at ease and comfortable for coming to you with needs or concerns they may have about their new lives as young independent adults. It’s a circle that will continue to expand and evolve into a beautiful relationship on a whole new level! At the same time, you yourself will find that the transition wasn’t as hard as you may have feared!
Although it seems like a scenario that is unbearable, the empty nest is a doable thing. It takes an open mind and a transitional attitude, positive thinking, and, some prayer never hurts! The good thing is that you are not going through a pioneering experience, rather exploring the path that so many before you have walked. Reaching out to friends and family, specialists, or even resource material is a great way to open this new world to you.
We will always miss the rituals and memories of raising them. However, there is a whole new life ahead for both you and your young adults!
How ready are you for the jump into the empty nest stage of life? Make sure to check out this month's essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: March 9th-15th, 2012
Hold On To Your Dreams
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
Where I come from is simple 'old school' principles. Work hard, be honest, dream big, save your money and when that golden day of retirement comes, live out your dreams! Ok, well..... maybe some of these principles aren't so simple anymore. In fact, they are getting down right difficult to follow. Sure, honesty is a given, and 'work hard' is engrained in me. But save for retirement....? So I won't talk about me today but rather someone from that 'old school' I speak of.
I saw pictures the other day of a dream that has been in the making for the past 48 years or so. Wait. Let me step back a few decades.
I have vivid pictures in my head of that ‘dream’ covered in dust, in many different pieces, buried amongst clutter and what not. This is the picture I can recall for a good part of that 48 years I mentioned. But the other day, I saw what is becoming quite clearly the end result of those many years. Those many years of hard work, patience and holding on to that dream are finally paying off.
Life can be about putting away your endeavors, your hobbies, the thing that drove you the most, quite literally, when you were young and had the world by the unspeakables. Starting a family and spending the next several decades or better with your priorities in sight knowing that one day you will be able to retire so you can once again pick up where those earlier years that helped to make you who you are, left off. Thus, the dream.
The pictures I received on the smart phone the other day brought it all full circle for me, personally. To see my dad's 32 Ford coupe that he has hung onto since he was a teenager, finally in the beginning stages of it's new found glory, in his newly built 'mega' shop. It brought about emotion that I have yet to be able to put into words. Ok, so it was a pile of an unrecognizable dust ball for nearly half of a century. I mean, touching and smelling dust from 1964....hmmm! But look at it now!
He has finally finished refurbishing and re-building the frame and brought home the body the other day. After cold fitting the body for measurements he took some pictures and sat in it for the first time in nearly 48 years. Mind you, it is far from "done", but to actually see this day that up until now has just been a dream. But a dream that never wavered and never died. It just brought it all home for me.
The man dreamed of this day far before it's time. He knew that one day all his hard work and determination throughout his life would some day make way for his dream to come true. Way to go dad! You never gave up and set your goals to come to this. You are an inspiration to our family, and all of this is too exciting to see unfold! Your example has taught us all, to hold on to our dreams!
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
 | Editor's Welcome: March 1st-8th, 2012
Watch Out for Those Piles, Mr. Tax Man!
By NancyMyMoves, Empty Nest & Retirement Guest Writer
I’ll be honest; I don’t fear The Tax Man. Maybe I should, but I pride myself on my superior organizational skills, especially the ones that I’ve adapted for tax-related documents. So if Tax Man comes in the night to audit me, I’ll be ready. I’ll just need to straighten those piles. Are you still cringing because I said “tax man”? Sorry! I’ll give you a bit of background and share my secret tax organization system so you’ll never need fear that figurative knock on the door.
Self-Employment
I’m getting closer to retirement age, but am resolved in the idea that I’ll never really get there. But I do love my work and self-employment does bring with it several positives – freedom from idiot bosses, escape from interminable meetings and the flexibility of making your own schedule. The downsides are – no benefits unless you buy them, unpredictability of your income and the bizarre tax structure for the self-employed. I won’t go into it here so you don’t hyperventilate.
Self-employment does force you to be really obsessive about your tax records. Not long ago, the self-employed and small business owners seemed to be targeted more frequently for audits. Why, because we’re all secretly hoarding stashes of cash from cheating on our taxes? No one I know has any cash, period. So that’s another reason I try to keep track of tax stuff.
Now, of course I’m not an expert or claim to know anything about taxes, but here are some of my tips:
• Get a good accountant – Yes, of course you can use Roto-Tax and do your own online or visit the Block people. But I’ve found that finding a skilled accountant whom you trust is the key to sleeping at night “on or before April 15th.”
• Know the basics – Please don’t try to read and understand tax forms. You’ll develop an aneurysm. But do some research online, especially if you’re looking for deductions. Did you know that some moving expenses can be deducted? I didn’t. Don’t get too creative, though. Your new ‘do is NOT a job-search expense.
• Keep records – Duh, everybody knows that. I use piles, I mean neat folders. I admit I do just stuff the documents and receipts in there and don’t take the time to do it right. But at least sometime in March, I can put my hands on the folders.
Confession: Sometimes I open the door to the extra bedroom, which is now my “remote office” because it’s down the hall from my “main office,” and just throw paper through the door, close the door and then run. Well, I don’t run, but you get the point.
• Spreadsheets – Just yesterday I admitted to a friend that Excel scares me. I don’t know why because I do sort of know how to use it. But in my spreadsheet avoidance, I constructed my own form to record my income/expenses, etc. My accountant even said it was cool.
Okay, that’s all I got. But hopefully your tax season-induced anxiety is a little better. If not, I’d suggest a nice Malbec…
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: February 22nd-29th, 2012
The Art Of Nuthin
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
It’s been so long since I have had nothing to do, that I almost forgot what it was like to do nothing! Oh, I have spent some time on the road in the past 6 months both in state and down in the lower 48, but it always seems that there is “something to do” or the company I keep can’t stand to sit still long enough to do nothing. Primarily due in course that my wife’s livelihood requires her to sit a lot where as mine has me constantly on the move both physically and mentally!
So when the snow stopped flying for 36 hours, which seems like it hasn’t done since the beginning of winter back in October, it just seemed appropriate to jump off and go to a super secret location where I/we could do just that….nothing! Because where we ‘were’, it just never seems like there is ‘nuthin’ to do but too much of ‘always sumthin‘! This is when I realized, while sitting on the most comfortable sofa couch I can recall sitting on in some time, starring out the window overlooking the snow capped mountains that open up the bay into the Gulf Of Alaska… listening to Phish…that indeed, ‘nuthin’ or to the those who prefer correctness in the English language, “nothing” is in fact an art form. I mean think about it….how difficult, in today’s world, is it to do, nothing!?
I need not dictate that with social media on everybody’s mind and in everyone’s hands these days, work demanding 120% of ‘you’, the demands of the kids and on and on the story goes….when does anyone have the time to do nothing?
A better and possibly more suited question is, why would anyone want to do nothing?
What was ever accomplished with ‘nothing’ and how does ‘nothing’ get you anywhere in life anyhow? Very deep and controversial questions indeed. And as I sit here on this sofa couch, doing nothing and trying to quite frankly think of nothing…..nuthin comes to mind as far as any answers go! And that is the beauty in it! Relaxation, time to ponder and contemplate, a place for the mind and soul to dwell in serenity. This will be short lived though, as ‘nothing’ will soon be left behind and I will be back up to something, but at least with a re-charged system!
So where has nuthin got me?
Nothing worth sharing! Other than a chance to take a breath from a very busy and exhausting winter….and winter isn’t over by a stretch, yet… However, I do have to say in observance of such stages as an empty nest or retirement, for instance, it is amazing how one thinks that since the hubbub of work or the kids has passed, that one will now have more time to vegetate and do, nothing. In some senses the absolute lack of ‘nothing’ helps to pass the time, quells boredom and keeps the mind in focus. Still, there are times that we all wish, want, try and desire to do nuthin at all. But, it’s always something!
What’s your stance on nothing? What’s your favorite place to do nothing? If you have nothing to say about it then maybe it’s time you consider taking some time too yourself and find nothing to do for a while! It sure gives a diferent perspective on nuthin at all!
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
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| Editor's Welcome: February 16th-21st, 2012
A Traditional 401K Or Roth 401K?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
If you’re in the season of thinking about the future of your retirement, have you considered two possibilities you can take advantage of, now, while you are still actively employed? The traditional 401K retirement account or the Roth account are two to consider. The distinct difference between these two options are whether you will pay taxes on the money now or later on down the line, and with this decision comes a few things to consider.
As pointed out in this article from the Morning Star, several factors can help you to gauge which retirement option may benefit you the most. One of these considerations is how your current tax rate may compare to your tax rate later as you get older. A higher tax rate in your future may deem the Roth account to be a better option, since you will pay less in tax on the money now, as opposed to later when your tax rate sits higher. Mind you, this may take some weighing and thought since it is sometimes difficult to know the right answer to this simple principal.
Another factor to consider is what the state of financial affairs may be in the future. Although this is considered an unknown to most, a look at the current situation with our federal debt, as well as the stability on a local level. The federal debt is currently as large as the entire US economy. While not exempt from financial instability, many cities and states are facing budget problems as well, which could affect rates down the line.
Each individual is unique and carries different circumstances which will determine the best way to save. The long term scenarios that are relative to each individual’s needs or situation are never certain. I recommend that you check out this informative article and read up on both of these retirement accounts to help you consider which will be the most beneficial to your retirement.
As we age we all would like the comfort of knowing our hard earned money will work for us in the coming years of our retirement. Now is the time to act and find the best way that suits you to save for your future. Which of these tow retirement accounts do you prefer, or recommend to those who are not sure?
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: February 9th-15th, 2012
The Good We Did
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
How much thought do you give to your son and/or daughter after they have moved out on their own? Most of us can adequately say, “a lot“! What kind of thoughts do you invest in them? Worry and concern, planning and considering what you feel is best for them, pride and contentment, the latest news from the family front? At some period or another, this all is a point of thought for us where our kids are concerned, and I am sure I probably missed about 100 more common thoughts!
But, how many of us give time to think about where we have been with our kids through life?
I don’t mean how many times you took them to Disneyland or where you went on road trips. I mean, the little things….or big; like the lessons, the sharing, growing and learning together. All of the things, thoughts, efforts and love you instilled into them throughout their childhood, to better prepare them for this day; the time when they are out on their own, making a life for themselves, carving out a piece of ground and sometimes struggling to fit into this big and often times shaky world we live in.
I don’t know about you, but it is these thoughts that often times help me through my days when I am wrapped up in my own fiasco’s or have trouble finding balance within my own hemispheres. Sure, there are those times when I give thought to what I feel I didn’t do enough of or wished I had done differently or spent more time with. How many times do we tend to beat ourselves up for what didn’t happen with raising the kids or what we didn‘t do and wished we had? Reality dictates that it is the past and cannot be taken back. Yes, reality dictates that what we wished we would have done differently is no longer worth worrying about.
So lets focus on those things that we succeeded with. I am at the stage of the empty nest where I have found my comfort zone in life. I can sit back now and watch all of the investment of love, care and lesson I nourished into my sons life, flourish, as he makes his way through his own now. I also get to sometimes think quietly to myself, things like ‘he is being a knucklehead’ or ‘he didn’t learn that from me’! But what is the school of hard knocks all about anyways? It’s all about learning from your mistakes, another thing I believe we did well with teaching him. Being honest with yourself and making things right. So even when he stumbles, I can giggle and watch him rectify issues with logic and common sense. We tried to gear him up for these times because we knew there would be many.
Where did all of this thought and question come from you ask? I think it is always there, whether I realize it or not. But sometimes in life, out of the strangest of places, you get reminded of all of the things that matter. One of these greatest things for me is how successfully we raised our son which is evident in how he handles his own life. All of the good times, hard times, sharing, learning, losses and lessons we all experienced growing together for 18 years as a family, is what brought us all here to this day. And just as important, is being able to be included and partake in the ever evolving course of his life. Looking for a day possibly not too far off, when we may see a grandkid or two. At least that is my hope.
Now that you have more time to yourself to sit and actually hear yourself think in your quiet abode, this may be as good of a time as any to reflect on all that you achieved while raising those kids of yours. After all, when you think about it, you obviously did something right to be able to sit in a quiet house in the first place! Think about it….
Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: February 1st-8th, 2012
The 'Y'
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
This is what I am starting to feel like this week, is the YMCA! We have been going through a heavy cold snap as of late, with temps well below zero for some time now.
When this happens, things begin to stop working! And what happens when a water line freezes over at your kids’ place? They start to come over to shower at your house, they do their wash…. at your house….stay for dinner, at your house! Pretty soon the family room has the atmosphere and ambiance of Barnes & Noble, as everyone is lounging in front of the wood stove reading and/or clicking about their smart phones or ‘pads’. What is wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing! It’s beautiful really.
We love when our son and his girlfriend hang out here. In fact, my wife is a different person when they come around. You can see and feel the happiness which she glows with, having time not just our son, but our future daughter in law. There is just something about the visits that make her day. Me, you ask? I’ll just say that their presence means I have to wear clothes… =) But I love having them around. We have both learned to adapt to our empty nest, and so far have been fortunate to be able to have him schooling/training and working locally. Of course, things could well be a whole lot different for us if he lived farther away.
I may find myself yearning to wear clothes that be the case!
I have said it many times before, and that is that we all have our own emotional thresholds and handle the empty nest differently. And it is all good, really! I have always believed that a biggie for most is all of a sudden not having someone to care for, share those loving things and moments that come with raising kids. No more homework, no more open hearted conversations late at night. A big house that is not near as full anymore. In my case, not having the extra hands to help out around the house or on the property. It took some adjusting to….not just the lack of physical presence but more so the camaraderie. He was my buddy….the one I always could depend on!
I found this great article, on Hub Pages, that delves into this subject matter. There are some really good and time proven ideas about how to deal with the aftermath of the kids’ departure. As with everything, it takes time to adjust, some positive effort, support from your spouse, family or maybe a best friend; someone perhaps who has already been down this road before you.
Make sure to take a look and give the subject some thought! After all, life doesn’t end with the empty nest…it’s just begun! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: January 24th-31st, 2012
Stages And Phases
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
How many of us have ever given thought to the many different stages and phases of our lives? It seems that in every stage of life, we experience different seasons or phases. Accordingly, we find our wants, desires and mind sets to change as we move through these stages and phases.
According to a columnist who writes for Tribune Media Services, these same principles are found in retirement. She explains, in her article titled “Phases Of Retirement”, that there are three different phases of retirement. Each phase represents the point in our life, or stage of retirement, and reflects our needs and priorities of that period. As time moves on, our needs change and the circumstances that we base our desires and wants on, change as well, causing us to re-evaluate where we are and what we want to do.
What may suit a person at age 65 will well quite possibly change say at age 75. Things such as geography or climate, financial standing, and all the way down to the ages and stages of the grandchildren, will all play a part in how we look at our retirement, the places we want to be and the things we desire to do.
For some this is no real new news, as they are probably already well on board. But for those of us who have not quite found ourselves at the mercy of the final 5 o clock bell, it is something to consider. As most of us have learned, we all think of things in a different light as we roll through the stages of life and grow older & wiser. Just when we might have thought that retirement would be the ‘end all’ of the complicated decisions and choices that surrounded us during our earlier years;
this, in fact, is hardly the end of it at all!
Make sure to check out this article, “Phases Of Retirement” and decide for yourself how you might fare when the time comes to set the stage for your retired years!
Make sure to check out our new ‘Generations’ pages and see what memories or déjà vu you may find! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: January 16th-23rd, 2012
Investing In Memories
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The other night, my wife and I had dinner at our favorite restaurant, in town. After dinner while paying at the register, we began to have a conversation with our waitress in regards to, of all things, our kids. She was asking about our son, since she had seen him there with us back before Christmas. We filled in the blanks for her, that he moved out several years ago and she began to look sad.
You see, we had the conversation with her that one night several weeks back, about taking the time to be with her daughter during her 11th birthday, but she was not going to be able to spend the time she wanted since she had to work that day. I just plain out quietly blurted to her, “call in sick”! “You see”, I explained, “the one thing that we learned from raising our son, is how important it is to be there and do the best you can to spend quality time with your kids. It’s the memories made that will count when they have moved out and on their own”. Mind you, ‘work’ is an inevitable problematic reason that we cant always spend that time we would sometimes like to with our kids, and since we all need money to raise and support our families, it is a fine line to have to traverse at times!
I just know from first hand experience, that we tried to plan as many family trips as possible. Be it, for example, a simple day trip or a week long excursion to Disneyland. Even the simple little barbeques down at the river after work where we could fish, read, or do whatever together. It all made the difference when he finally moved out on his own. We had the satisfaction of knowing that we gave him the best of both worlds, teaching him the benefits of hard work and diligence, as well as making ample time for fun & play! It was a difficult balance at times but we feel that the time we invested with him growing up, made many memories for him to remember and share some day with his family, and for us to hold on to when the house became really quiet, like it is today. But I have to say, running around naked is grand!
Not sure how we impacted her, the waitress, that night talking. But I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was listening and applying what she was hearing to her own life with her daughter. It was obvious that she loved her daughter and at the moment couldn’t conceive how in the near future she would be able to carry on without her at home. But that was part of the whole point to our conversation! Don’t count away the years, but never take for granted the time. Making the days
count, realizing early on that some day it will all change.
As empty nesters, it is important to be happy for them and their accomplishments on their own. How many memories can you look back on and know that the time spent making those memories was a good investment? Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: January 9th-15th, 2012
A Resolution To Live By
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
With the beginning of 2012 will no less come all of the resolutions that will typically come with the beginning of a new year! New year…new start! Makes sense; sometimes they are empty promises with others being something that changes everything in an individuals life.
Me, personally, I have never been a real big ‘resolution’ guy. My feeling is that if you can commit to change for the better on the first of the new year, why not be able to do it anytime through the year? I can see where the new year is somewhat of a landmark and I suppose there is some kind of psychological tie to this that makes it all more realistic. I heard something on the radio the other day, a regular segment that they do each day, and it grabbed me.
There was just something about this segment on this particular day that sounded right to me. So much so that I contacted the radio station and was able to get the number of the Pastor who presented it. After contacting him and explaining that this is actually something that coincides with much that I have been giving thought to and has been a point of discussion lately, he was gracious enough to send me a copy of the segment through the good ol’ fashioned, financially strapped, often unreliable U.S. Postal Service! It was a real change getting a document via snail mail!
My desire was to be able to have a tangible, readable hard copy of this. Something I could hang on the door or mirror; something I could see everyday and constantly be reminded and motivated to adhere to. These simple and truthful principles; a chance to make this year and potentially every other day after a better and more positively driven experience. So, I wanted to share this. Take a look:
- Travel light. Shed excess baggage, such as failures, disappointments, worries, grief’s and resentments of the past. Stop opening old sores and bad memories.
- Live one day at a time. The woman/man of faith refuses to shove into the unknown future the decisions that should be made today. Present responsibility comes first.
- If you cannot change your circumstances, change your attitude. Sometimes you feel you could do a better job with your life if you could start over. Rather than a new environment, what you need is a new inner life. You do not need a new job but the insight to see new opportunities in the old work.
- The secret of relaxation is essential to health. Stress endangers our dispositions. Our emotions are frayed and irritation clouds the air about us. Inner quietness must be cultivated.
- Resolve to trust God or the deity of your belief for the future. This higher power supplies strength to carry our load, wisdom to deal with our problems, and grace to enrich every experience. ~ By Dale Foster and recited by Pastor Ray Arno
To me, this is a perfect example of something that can be followed to change oneself and their perspective on life for the complete better and for the long haul. The fact that it came to me in the beginning of 2012, and altered my otherwise lack of interest in the whole New Years Resolution gig is something to be considered. Some may say it is just ironic… I believe there is more to it, personally! Whatever the case, I hope that maybe this might grab the attention of just one person as it did me, and put things into better perspective for them.
To quote the late Jerry Garcia, “Once in a while you can get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right.” Seems I have been here before!
May your 2012, and any resolutions that will change your life for the better in some profound way, be the guiding light for a better year to come! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: January 1st-8th, 2012
Gasoline Will Drop To 1955 Prices In 2012
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
I never really have been one to dwell upon or absorb the full gamut of numbers. I never really cared for math….go figure. But simple logic dictates that there is something wrong with numbers of today. With the coming of 2012, I am hopeful yet quite doubtful that this somewhat sordid state of affairs will change with the new year. But one can hope!
Has anyone noticed the price of gas….of food….of everything, lately? Not that this is any news flash but goods, products and services are outrageous….if you compare them to what they averaged, say, 50 or 60 years ago! How is this some kind of sudden revelation to me, you ask? This past couple of weeks, I have been working on a project here at Stage of Life called ‘Generations’, and in my studies was reminded, constantly, as I sifted through web pages of days past, how cheap a pork
roast was for instance. 45 cents a pound?! Try and find a deal like that these days for the “other white meat“. A Sealy mattress only $38?! Now that is something to ‘sleep on a cloud’ about! Try Ritz crackers at a mere 32 cents….“mmm, good cracker“! And, then, let us not forget as I was just reminded by a recent post in this stage; a time when Ethyl was like 25 cents a gallon . Gasp!
Now I realize that prices and wages are relevant, and both are quite different in comparison between now and then , but when you really sit down, look at the numbers and give it thought, it is just staggering. But, we accept it and life goes on….what else can you do! This whole issue is not exclusive to the retired or baby boomers who were witness to a time when you could buy a Ford 2 door Hardtop Mustang for almost the same price that some young people are paying for their mortgage! However, they are the ones who have been on the front lines for the past 45 years
and better, and have seen and experienced it all. As the recent generation observes, paying a high price is what they have been born into. They don’t necessarily have to like it, but know little of what it’s like to be able to get "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a
sesame-seed bun" for only 49 cents! Of course, it is a wonder we all survived as long as we have with the calorie content of a Big Mac!
When it is all done and said, I am sure that the Editor for this stage of life, some 40 years from now, will more than likely echo the same sentiment as I am now in regards to the high cost of living. But for the time being, I guess it’s time to zap back to present reality and quit dreaming of a time that is past, gone and is only a memory. I wonder if the Mayans had any clue or incite to the prices of 2012? Doubtful, since they apparently didn’t have enough resource or foresight to continue their calendar past 2012!
Thankfully, it is still a small price to pay, to be able to reach so many people around the world, and to thank you for all of your support to this site, your contributions that has made Stage Of Life the tremendous success it has been, to extend thanks to all of the staff and founders of Stage Of Life, and to wish you all a Happy New Year and the best of your dreams to come true in 2012! Keep the
posts coming and make sure to check out our new Baby Boomer Generations page!
Oh, and don’t hold your breath in regards to this Editors piece title…it was only a dream! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: December 27th-31st, 2011
Time
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
How many times have you heard recently, "it's hard to believe the year is almost over"? Well, your going to hear it again...."it's hard to believe that the year is almost over"! I think I say this every year the day after Christmas. There is just something that is awkward with the week after Christmas and before the new year arrives. It seems that so many businesses are closed and the other half open and good luck figuring out which is what! I always dreamed of becoming a dentist, so I could take the week before Christmas off, the week during Christmas off and the week after New Years Day off. They really do this,you know! I know this because I always seem to have some kind of toothily crisis within this period and out of the 4 dentists I have seen through the years, they all seem to take their 3 week vacations right in this time frame! Whatever the case, there is something about the last week of the old year that seems so surreal and ever so present for me. I believe this comes into play to the fact that time s ever moving forward and this is very apparent the week before the year ends.
How well did you spend the time in 2011?
We all have moments of regret that we didn't have time to do more than we wished we would have and what we thought we would have time to do. We all would love to experience a sense of being satisfied with all we were able to accomplish; to look back on it all is a triumphant moment...when it occurs! But so soften we never seem to have the time.
Whether you are retired, nearing retirement, experiencing an empty nest or looking to this new year as the year they will fly the coupe, the one thing that plays into all of this is 'time'. How you spend this time can make or break that last week of 2012, the week of reflection on the year past.
Spending that time with your family, making that one last family vacation or hoorah before the kid(s) are too old or on their own is an investment in time that will someday be looked upon as priceless. Taking more time to 'check in' on your independent young adult, taking time to listen to their stories of being in college or on their own, or even making trip plans to visit or a lunch date with them can be an incredibly enlightening moment for both parent and child and held within their hearts for many years to come.
It has always seemed important to me in life, not to wish away the years by waiting for a landmark date to arrive, such as retirement for instance. How many times have we heard, "I can't wait to retire!" Life is flying past us fast enough. What kind of time can you take to enjoy these last years before you hang work up? As tumultuous as work is, life is precious and should never be left in second place.
Take more time to look at all that is around you.....before it has passed you up and moved on. And, to the one who has already achieved that place in the clubhouse of eternal relaxation, how is it, now, more than ever, you who is retired never seems to have 'the time'? Hopefully, you are too busy to have time because you are taking the time to do all that you have worked up to this point in life to do! And if not....it's time to reassess it all!
As a society, we could all use some time to reflect upon what we have accomplished this past year, where we need to further our endeavors or improve for the coming year, and how we can manage to spend more time doing the things that mean more to us than we may realize.
What are some ways to find the time and spend it wisely,
as 2011 comes to an end and 2012 reins in another 12 months....of 'time'? Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: December 20th-27th, 2011
Holiday Awareness
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
In general, Christmas time means many things to many people. It comes not only in many celebratory forms according to culture, but also different personal ways and traditions to celebrate. There are the shoppers, the decorators, the neighborhood lighting competition. There are the ones who give themselves selflessly to the needs of others, the ones who go all out to make the holiday memories for their kids, the ones who bake cookies for days on end, just to spread their joy to friends and family. The church goers, the carolers, the ghosts of Christmas past and of Christmas present. The reasoning and ways of celebrating goes on.
What happens to the season when the kids have grown up and moved out? What happens to the celebration when we find ourselves at a sudden loss from the passing of a loved one or spouse? When we have retired and have more time on our hands than we may know what to do with….or become so busy we have no time?
We each hold a special memory or two of what we remember Christmas standing for in our younger years, or what the best part of Christmas was to us. And for the most part we have all tried to carry on traditions and make the holiday season something memorable for our kids; as spouses, for each other and as large families a time to share and love with each other.
Whether the house is quiet for the first time this year or not, we all will find some kind of way to make this season memorable. Some of us will be entertaining our family in our apartment for the first time ever! Others will make time to volunteer themselves at the food kitchen or homeless shelter for those who are less fortunate or have nobody to celebrate with. Some will be far away from ‘home’ in the name of visiting family they seldom get to see due to the distance.
I suppose the point to this is that this time of year will affect us all in some way, will be celebrated in our own ways of choice, and will serve as different meanings to everyone. But one thing that should be universal is that we all need to recognize the real reason for the season. To not allow ourselves to get carried away in the stress to make things perfect, the rush to buy those perfect gifts, and forgetting the neighbor who maybe just lost their home and more to a fire. Or the woman who has spent a good many years alone during Christmas because her husband is not here anymore. Let us not forget the many people who have lost their jobs or homes due to an upset economy. And the list goes on.
No matter how you celebrate or what you will do, lets all find a little time to be mindful of those around us. Lets all take a moment to offer thanks and be grateful for all that we have. I’ll never forget the woman in line at the box store one Christmas season, who had a conniption over someone taking her rightful place in line because she stepped away briefly. At first reaction I was shocked and it simply added to the reasons that I was growing tired of all of the commercialism of Christmas.
It was the beginning of a change in the way I did things which echo’s into today. But looking back on it now, I realize that she, like many, was just doing the best she could with whatever she had going on in her life at the time. And I will never know just what kind of burden she may have been carrying to make her the way she was. But it brought out a shift in thought and the way I carried out the holidays for what I feel is the better for me.
We should all try to make everyday a day to give, to share, to have spirit. Technically, there is only one day out of the year that will always be the real reason for the season, but if only we could all make each day count towards the spirit of giving, togetherness and compassion.
Whatever your beliefs or celebration, may this holiday season find you mindful, thankful and aware of all and everyone which is around you! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: December 14th- 20th, 2011
Dinner At Six
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Having dinner with friends who are retired can be a lot of fun….and an incredible lesson in patience! There is something about defining time, perception, and reality that is altered when you enter retirement. It’s like entering a rift in the space time continuum; where what you did a half hour ago will have no impact on what will happen in a half hour, because the action required to initiate the future state never took place as it was intended….or like you thought it did, because the future never really occurred due to how the past was altered...
And so, you, as a guest for dinner, one who appreciates the experience of excellent cuisine quite like that you will always get from this wonderful host, find yourself in a pickle upon walking through the door. The greetings are given, the chat ensues, and your stomach rumbles. You didn’t want to squelch the appetite you have worked up anticipating the delights soon to lay upon your pallet, so you didn't snack before you left home….your mistake. Yes, you have virtually starved yourself for this moment, this night of friends, food, and the after dinner movie.
But then it hits you. The words that flow out of your hosts mouth strike panic and the hunger you have kept tethered up to this point becomes restless, like a beast pent up, planning his exodus from captivity.
Your host: “Oh dear, the time seemed to escape me! I thought I had everything prepped and ready, but didn’t realize where the time went and still have to peel and boil the potatoes, make the pie and….” All of a sudden reality kicks in. You were on time for “dinner at 6:00” and dinner is not to be! I mean….seriously late!
With no hor devours in sight and no contingency in place but a piece of hard candy out on the truck dashboard, you find yourself spiraling downward as the words you have just heard absorb.
This scenario sound familiar? If not, consider yourself lucky. If so….better to eat a snack next time!
Don’t get me wrong; it happens! Things go wrong, timing is an art that we all flounder with, and it isn’t always about the food. Thankfully, good friends and the good company they provide make up for the time warp that can put dinner behind.
In the past whenever we have entertained dinner guests, I typically get reminded by my wife that I am going overboard on the pre-dinner menu. It’s too much food, she says. But I have always appreciated good food, guests to share it with and making sure that nobody walks away hungry….or arrives starved! A trait handed down no less from an Italian upbringing!
Typically, dinner guests are forgiving. But having contingencies in place for these moments that time slips away from you can help! Something as simple as chips and dip, or French bread slices to dip in some balsamic vinegar and olive oil can help to quell the hunger or anxiety which may accompany a late dinner. Some people have health issues such as hypoglycemia or diabetes that require them to have a timely meal, especially when they are counting on a specific time frame for dinner.
Keep in mind that certain lifestyles may require people to be home at a certain time for whatever their reason, and dinner that is running hours late may impact a persons time line or limits. We all like to enjoy each other for a while after dinner, but a late dinner may create a time snafu for some, that makes it necessary for them to leave following dinner, and as hosts, we have to appreciate this, especially if it’s a late dinner.
Retired or not, with holiday feasts coming up, we will all be entertaining in some form. It is important as a host to be mindful of providing an experience that will keep them all coming back for more.
What are some of your stories, plans for simple or delicious hor devours, or experiences with dinner at 6:00? Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: December 6th-13th, 2011
The Meaning Of Traditions
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
As the holiday season is buzzing around us, most of us will soon find ourselves immersed in our own ways of celebrating the holiday season The one tradition that exists this time of year for all of us is that it is a time that we give to others, share with each other, and gather together.
It is a time when families gather and the distance that typically separates us is put at bay, as family and friends find themselves together sharing time, food, stories and gifts. We tend to invest in the spirit of giving to those around us which may be less fortunate. And whether or not we realize it, we all share those time honored traditions that have been learned, earned, taught and handed down throughout our lives.
As we go through life, we will add a little of ‘this’ take out a little of ‘that’…tailor what we learned as youth from our parents, to fit the lifestyles of our own families or current situations. As the kids grow up and move out on their own, they too will soon enough find themselves doing the same with their perspective or up and coming families. As parents new to an empty house, we will begin to make new traditions for ourselves, or may decide that no tradition at all is acceptable! Enter the grand kids and the evolution continues, and you can only imagine how the cycle will continue as life and all that it stands for changes year to year.
It’s funny, when I was younger I never gave much thought to it all. Christmas had it’s traditions, and it seemed like every year I always had this to look forward to. In fact, as I went through life and my own family gave way to the shifting and incorporation of our own traditions it all just seemed natural to me. I suppose it was a year or two after our son moved out on his own that the whole concept of what holiday traditions are and what they mean to me, actually drew my attention.
The important thing is that we have some kind of traditions to hold, to look forward to no matter how small or big they may be….to be able to pass on to our kids so that they will someday be able to share the same with their families. It is also important to subtly shift into our own unique traditions as life around us changes. We will all experience the many emotions and changes that the many stages of life will present us as time moves forward. Whether it means ‘shaking it up a little’ or just having something to look forward to in this season. Make sure to keep the tradition of ‘traditions’ alive and well! It is the one thing that all of us will have to hold on to as the Christmas time of year arrives!
Give some thought to the reason for the season this year and make sure to share your most sacred and time honored traditions! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: December 1st- 6th, 2011
Boomerangers
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
When I recently heard the term, ‘boomerangers’, I thought that the boomerang finally made it in to the Olympics as a competitive sport! Was I so wrong. In fact it is a term for an increasingly common trend which reflects the current times. It seems more and more that when young adults finish college, and/or loose a job that they are gravitating back home, into the nest with their folks.
With this becoming more of a trend, a few things came to my mind almost instantly. The first was….cripes! Miss him, love him, but…. Bearing witness and falling victim to some of the bad habits our son brings back for extended visits, like house sitting while we‘re gone….and the newly developed ones…?! This is where my favorite term to practice comes in; time to “set limits“!
While we are quick to want to help out our kids who may be experiencing hard times as a result of the economy, it is not requiring to much of them for us to set limits, and draw clear expectations of their temporary situation, back at home. While even temporary, this scenario can be an enriching experience for all involved if we abide and adhere to each others needs and expectations. Here are a few that I would feel to be pretty important:
- Household contribution: While money may be tight and times hard, there are ways for them to contribute financially and otherwise. Chores for instance to help carry the load. They make trash and eat and live in the household again, it doesn’t hurt to help keep it up. Maybe volunteer to make dinner a few nights a week for the household to give mom and dad a break.
- Privacy: Now there is a biggie! For instance, after experiencing 4 years of unlimited privacy while they were away at college, it would be a necessity to have that privacy respected. And to respect theirs, on the flip side! Parties are a definite “no no“, but maybe giving them some time to have a friend or two over, would offset the need for them, to maybe bail a few nights a week, to give you and your significant other the time you two need and have earned.
- Bars may close at 2:00AM, but we close at 10:00PM: I remember a story of a friend who’s son came home for Christmas vacation. The absolute annoyance, for the first few nights back home, at him rolling in at 1:00AM, rattling through the refridge and channel surfing with the surround sound on. They may be temporarily out of work, but the folks are not! Somewhere in there a concise reality has to be met with revolving schedules.
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Expectations and goals: We raised them to set goals and accountability, and although they are young adults, they did come back home for a reason. It should be fine for them to have realistic goals to get on their feet and back out on their own. It is improtant to both child and parent(s) for them not to become a fixture in the household. Remember to make an agreement and understanding that this is a temporary set up and don’t forget the sacred proverb….guests are like fish, they tend to smell after too long!
In our quest to aid in their adversity, we mustn’t allow our personal feelings of missing them control the reality. The reality is, they have learned to be independent and there are serious life advantages to continually pursue this, and set themselves up for a future of success! Although this set up may be a little awkward for both parties, clear and open communication will help to keep lines open, and prevent any misunderstandings that could tarnish relationships.
So, even though the Australian Boomerang team still has a way to go to be recognized internationally, there may just be a ‘boomeranger’ coming to a neighborhood near you! Remember to ‘duck’ and be mindful of a pending predicament that nobody asked for, but rather, is an unfortunate sign of the times.
We would love to hear input or personal experience on this up and coming subject…maybe some sound suggestions! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: November 15th-30th, 2011
Bringing Down The House
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Just when you thought you had it figured out…pay off the mortgage by retirement and you will skate free… now experts are suggesting we rethink this strategy. The plan has been that if you have the mortgage paid off, then there is that much more cash in your pocket. Think about it, other than medical insurance out of your pocket, your mortgage is the most expensive payment you have every month. Although it seems that groceries and fuel are slowly creeping in for the led!
The suggestion is that people figure on cash flow and returns. Once you pay off your mortgage, you can’t bring it back unless you refinance, and for many retired folks that wouldn’t be too much of an option due to less qualified income. Makes sense! Homeowners approaching retirement must ensure that they have enough cash flow to cover daily expenses and experts suggest paying off the mortgage will jeopardize this.
Other suggestions are to take that money you would use to pay off the mortgage and invest it in a muni fund. The gain will be better than the percentage saved from paying off the mortgage. Another idea that would have an even better gain is invest in a cheap retirement home or vacation property that is available out there.
With uncertainty in the housing market and speculation that prices may continue to fall within the next couple of years, it may be hard to say what the best guaranteed options may be. I think that it comes down to the best possible solution according to an individuals’ needs. My thought has always been to eliminate debt, including mortgage as soon as possible. Maybe take that money and
invest it in something that will bring in a good gain, let it grow and work for you. If I am able to narrow down and/or eliminate as many expenses as possible by or before any thought of retirement, then my cost of living has been significantly brought down to a manageable level. I will always have my hands into something,\ and doubt I will ever be able to actually retire at 65. To me that whole concept is a thing of the past.
Make sure to check out this article from the NY Times and figure for yourselves what may be a viable solution for you.
As you near retirement or are already there, will your goal be or has it been to pay off your mortgage? Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: November 8th-15th, 2011
Drink Up The Love
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The satisfaction granted a parent during a visit with their kids is priceless most especially when the distance is so far apart. The vast miles make it difficult to share the time and love that we hold for our kids. I have said it before, that even though they may be out on their own, living away from home, we will always be parents, and although our positions and rolls may change the love we have for them is a wealthy investment. While true that with social networks and such technologies as Skype help to bridge the distance there is nothing that compares to the closeness of a hug, and a chance to share and be together.
I love surprises, more so giving them, and especially enjoy a good story about a mother receiving an unexpected treasure such as an air miles ticket, and the chance to share the riches of this gift with a daughter attending school what can seem like another world away. That kind of distance has a strong effect on the bond between a mom and her daughter and could only make a surprise scenario such as this
a unique opportunity!
This brings to mind the time of the year when moments like these become more abundant as the holiday season approaches and plans are beginning to take shape for holiday travel.
There is no doubt that as the distance that separates us from our kids may be far, that both parent and child alike will experience emotions such as loneliness, separation; in the case of a parent possibly uselessness or questions of self importance, maybe even helplessness. Whether our kids struggle while away or seem to have life by the horns, stumbling blocks are inevitable. Times like these only increase the desire of a parent to be able to “be there” and is even more so discouraging when this just isn’t possible due to the distance.
This is where a good visit can fill an empty cup. But it’s those surprise moments where a parent can let go of the bounds of distance and give that which parents were born to give…unconditional and limitless love. A moment where a mother can fill her daughters’ cup and and feel comfort as the gem of moms world drinks up the love!
It would be hard to share with us the surprises in store coming near you this coming holiday season….after all, surprises need be kept secrets! But give some thought to this:
There is a timeless bond between a mom and her daughter; sometimes a good surprise is just what one and the other needs when the road is
long and time together too far between!Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: November 1st- 8th, 2011
Pets For All Ages
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Studies have shown it is a proven fact that a variety of pets can provide a myriad of therapy for us humans. I can comfortably say this from pure experience. For 25 years, my fish aquarium always gave me a sense of calm, fascination, and creativity as I would be able to customize colors of gravel, plants, fish, etc, and reap the benefits of watching them swim about their watery kingdom. Our son took it over and found the same senses for many years as his new aquatic adventure thrived..
Then there are the dogs throughout my life. The rough transition of moving at the young age of 10 to a new home hundreds of miles from where I was born and the friends I was raised with, was smoothed and eased out by the new dog that my parents brought into our family. He was my best friend and shared many years with my life! In these later years, as our son left home, our 3 dogs filled in the presence and excitement that was missing in our sons’ absence. They even offer the missing drama! It’s amazing how they knew that things changed around here and took the reins to love and comfort and entertain their humans.
At one point in time when hamsters’ short life spans proved to be a little too heartbreaking, our son got his first guinea pig. This is where mom and dad fell head over heals, and for the next 10 years, we became guinea pig farmers! Talk about intelligence, love and a 3-ring circus! They served as great pets and taught us all a little of life lessons through the years. My wife would correct me….but given the chance I would love to have one or two again!
All the way down to the fish, these guys have personalities, are attentive to detail….know when it’s feeding time like they have their own watch to tell time. These pets always made their presence known….quite like kids do…and added life to our house. Their little bonds with us would always help through the down or lonely times. They even could sense when things where wrong and would react.
I’ll never forget the late night I was working under my truck one summer and needed my wife. I began calling out for her and our male Malamute/Wolf mix came running over to me and crawled under the truck, as if he sensed I was in trouble. I told him to “go get mama” and he crawled out and ran to the sliding glass door, where she was inside on the phone. He began to bark at her, and would run back to me, and to the glass door again several times, barking at her, until she came out to see what his problem was. At that point the ran down to where I was and turned to just stare at her, never leaving my side. Instead of crawling out myself to go get her early on, I decided to lay there and was in complete amazement watching this all unfold. Had I really been in trouble, he would have done his best to get attention to my needs.
There was a friend of mine who battled cancer for many years. She had many cats and loved them all so dearly. Even up to the day she passed, those cats were her world. I sometimes wonder if they are the reason she lived such an active and extended life in the shadow of such a deadly and quite often life robbing disease.
As I write this piece, that same wonderful Malamute/Wolf male of mine is sitting at my left, starring at me. He is telling me to pull down his dish off of the safety of the counter, from the other to chow hounds, so he can finish his dinner. How do I know this? Because as soon as I pulled it down and asked him if he was wanting the rest of dinner….he licked my hand and continued to eat! Oddly, it is simultaneous with me eating my dinner as I sit here and type this piece!
Pets can serve us humans in so many ways. Whether your house is too quiet from the lack of kidlets, your retired and need that little something to keep life on the edge, or you are alone and single and just need someone who will listen, love and be a loyal companion; pets seem to be the ultimate answer to curing those blues…and so much more!
What kind of pets have you had or have in your life that may have filled the void in life? We would love to hear your stories!
What kind of pets have you had or have in your life that may have filled the void in life? We would love to hear your stories! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: October 21st- 31st, 2011
Trying On A New Life That Fits
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Last year, a friend of ours graduated high school, and made the decision to leave her native state where she was born and raised, and ventured off to an east coast state to attend college. This wonderful young lady was beyond her years in wisdom, her handling of herself and her desire to pursue interests. Although we were proud of her and her decision, we did worry a little. When your born and raised in a rural, laid back and slow paced place, jumping into the big city can sometimes be a huge shock. We had every faith that she would dig in, find her niche and adapt successfully.
After a year, she found herself on the move once again, relocating from the east coast to the northwest. This fall she began school there in Washington, and will be starting a new job….a new life.
As parents, we want to see our kids find happiness and success when they move out on their own. But sometimes the best laid plans can hit a wall. Personal needs may change, or it could simply be a case of ‘the grass is always greener’ syndrome which in my observations are often found in youth that were raised in a small or rural community. They feel the need to spread their wings and fly into the big time as soon as they graduate….leave the small town blues. What ever the reason, our young friend was courageous!
She was courageous in two ways. Making a choice to leave her native state; the community that nurtured her personal growth and supported her socially for so many years, to find an education in a busy new and big world, unlike that which she had previously experienced up to this point in her young life. “Settling” for something closer or easier was not an option. If this is not enough of an accomplishment, she gets a new life established, keep in mind relocating in the first place was a new and unique experience for her. But then, after discovering for her own personal reasons that this new accommodation was not working out for her, she picked herself up and did it all again. Not a couple hours away, but to the opposite side of the country….again, and still far from what she knew as ‘home’ all of her life!
How common a thing is this in reality?
What she has done is the first step of conditioning herself to this principle of ‘not settling‘, and creating a future that she will be successful and aggressive towards obtaining. Creating a life that she wants! I personally feel that this had to be a great experience for her and a building block to future comfort within her life! I just feel it is important in any stage of life to avoid becoming too complacent or just ‘settling’ for a present or current situation if you desire better goals for your life.
What’s your advice to your son or daughter on trying on a new life that fits? Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: October 14th- 21st , 2011
Retirement And The Volunteer
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Recently on a trip we met up with a friend of ours who is still very active in the work force and not quite near to any kind of retirement. As of late, due to budget cuts within her company, her job was spared but hours reduced, thus among other things giving her more time to….well, what to do with more time? When we met up with her, she was putting in time at the local community museum as a volunteer, tending the grounds and reviving the neglected gardens!
What was amazing to me was how happy and content she looked! When you think about this for a moment, how crazy is that; happier working as a volunteer not making money, than working a day job?! Don’t get me wrong, the need for money is important to her, and fortunately she is able to financially manage her single life status with the reduced income.
However.
For whatever the reason(s), she found it suited to volunteer and loves it! Her comment was, how great it would be to just retire early and do volunteer work. It is just that fulfilling to her. Regardless if this is only a dream or if she will find a way to become a professional volunteer, it fit’s the need for now. She found a unique way to fill extra time in her life through service back to the community. This has definitely left an impression in my mind. The beautiful thing about this is that there are so many ways to volunteer services to others. I remember my grandmother putting in many hours as a Red Cross volunteer.
One common denominator that I often hear amongst retirees, is that they have time on their hands. Despite this, I think we all find that even with all of this proverbial time, we still never seem to find time…kind of a double edged sword, of sort! In any event, when we think of all of the many ways volunteering could
fulfill our lives and the lives of others, it is something worth thinking about.
If you are currently retired, do you give any of your spare time to volunteering in some way? What are some of the ways you have served as a volunteer and what kind of personal satisfaction did you receive from such service?
We would love to hear your stories on this wonderful kind of selfless service! Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: October 9th-14th , 2011
Dressing Up Never Dies
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
I remember my mom breaking the news to me at the young age of 14, or was it 13…that I was too old to go trick or treating at Halloween. Talk about bummed! But, I got over it and when we had our own son and had to break it to him, like my folks did, we also found new and exciting things to do for a couple of hours on that eve that incorporated a friend of his or two. Then as it turns out years later, it’s funny, how when you get older, in a strange and twisted way, you find yourself dressing up again and pulling out the old tricks….or maybe even a new one?!
It seems more and more that the adults, both boomers, retirees and empty nesters alike are cutting loose and re-discovering the fun of dressing up and going out on Halloween. And why not! Since when is age or social status any reason to stop having fun? All of those earlier years that we loved and lived for helping to design costumes to dress the young ones up, made cookies and cocoa, or sipped apple cider while dishing out candy to the ones who came a knockin, just makes way for knowing how to liven up the later years! If you no longer have an office to party with due to retirement, there are still ways to group together with like minded friends….the ’big’ kids at heart, put on a scary mask or pretend to costume up as someone or something you always wanted to be but never could be, without being looked at funny. With it becoming more of a social norm these days, you can even get away with it!
The point is, that you are never too old to have fun. A night to go out of the ordinary, out of the box, or out of your gourd, is a reasonable way to feel young if your feeling old, look old if your still young, look great if you feel less of it or look like death worn over if you need a change of pace for a change! Some of the popular costume themes for 2011 are:
- Superhero’s
- The Walking Dead or Zombies
- Lady Gaga
- Star Wars
- Harry Potter
….Harry Potter?!? That is the beauty of this hallowed time of year…you can get
away with it all!
If you have a tight budget this year, it may be wise to compare pricing on rental costumes as opposed to say purchasing them. Those with a creative streak or the ability to sew will surely be able to crawl out from the shadows and come up with ingenious ways to roll out the hit home designs! Sometimes finding off the wall ways to dress up with things you already may have laying around can come off with a bang, and really save the bucks. Scanning the aisles at Goodwill, 2nd hand or consignment shops can muster up interesting items that can be utilized for original costume ideas. No matter what you may decide is going to suit your fancy or fit your budget, getting out and letting loose dressing up for the evening will take your mind off of anything you have impeding your mind or the daily grind and gives you a chance to play like an adult for a change!
Where will you find yourself this Halloween, and just what or who may you find yourself liking to be? Make sure to check out this months essay contest. |
| Editor's Welcome: October 1st- 8th, 2011
Bridging The Distance
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
We are all well rehearsed on social media outlets and the communication benefits that such provide for so many people. Generally, they help to keep us connected and up on the latest. These days, it seems that ‘everyone’ is on Facebook, Twitter, and other outlets throughout each day keeping family and friends tied in the loop.
Then there are those of us who seem to be falling behind the latest crazes, have only a handful of tangible friends instead of ‘friending’ 100 and the only ‘tweet’ heard for the past week was that of a fluttering bird in the brisk fall air! Yes, for some, technology and the latest social outlets seem to move faster than they can keep up with or particularly care to.
 Then again, what if you missed a loved one so much that you had to find a cure to the void in your heart and technology could provide such relief?
Yesterday, I read a post here on Stage of Life, that for lack of better words, excited me! The author of the post had a brilliant idea which incorporated ingenuity and technology, to bridge the gap of family, during a weekly family night ritual. Not only did this keep the party hopping for the evening and make it a “real“ experience, but it provided a reasonable and fulfilling compromise to fill the missing presence and the emotional gap that follows, between mother and daughter.
Whether it is Skype, Youtube, a form of social media or another technological advantage; seniors, retirees and empty nesters alike are finding ways to keep up with family and connect with long lost relatives and old friends. For those who engage in such outlets, they are coming up with innovative ways to bring together
time and distance and filling their need to stay in touch and rekindle old friendships! It seems that technology is constantly evolving and forever changing the face of social networking, and communication.
What are some of the ways you use technology to your advantage and bring the ones you enjoy and love, closer to the heart? Make sure to check out this months essay contest and share your thoughts on the evolution and future of retirement. |
| Editor's Welcome: Sept. 22nd-30th , 2011
Touring The Fall Colors
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
This is the time of the year that many kids are returning to school as college freshmen. ‘Back to school’ has taken on a whole new dimension for you! No longer do parents have to worry about taking kids out of regular school time for fall vacations. The trips you may have only dreamed about taking when the kids were at home, now have become the possibility for a reality! Is this sounding enticing to you?
In the past, trying to plan the precise time to make the show could be difficult, since after all, you had to take into consideration school schedules, fall sports, ect. However, with these restrictions no longer an issue, this may be the opportune time and the perfect year to let go and tour the fall colors! A trip together with a spouse, a friend, or just by yourself to gather your hemispheres may be just what the doctor ordered to let go of so many years of the responsibilities of parenting.
 This is also the time of year that in many areas the fall foliage is beginning to turn into vibrant and blazing color spectrums of …well….fall! I remember when I was younger, my folks took a trip back to the east coast in the fall and absolutely drooled over the east coast fall colors. Those of you who live in these areas could probably tell some stories of vibrant falls past.
Although there are more than likely places all over that put on best of show during this season, there are a few places that typically stand out the most. Such as: Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and New York just to name a few.
Fall is the opportune time to find great deals on hotel accommodations and other specials, as it is typically is a down season for vacations as opposed to say, summer. Take some time to plan someplace that will be ideal for viewing pleasure. Although the east coast may take it hands down, there are other shows happening in places such as; parts of Alaska, the Sierra Nevadas in California, and such places can offer additional benefits. Besides the limitless beauty of Alaska in the fall, a trip into the interior can make for a light show of a different and phenomenal kind…the Northern Lights! As well as the spectacular colors of the Sierra’s, there is much to do for the hiker, camper, or nature enthusiast to incorporate into this sight for the senses. Hitting some of the quaint and humble mountain wineries and hanging out in historic Gold Rush country, such as Calaveras County could well be a great way to top off the experience!
Although this is a time of transition for you, there is no better a time to get away and make this period a kick start to a new tradition, and secure some memories for many years to come. Re-connecting with yourself, spouse or a friend who may have taken the back seat to the kids over the years can be an important part of healing any of the hesitation blues that may accompany this period of your life. They say that color therapy can be healing in itself, not to mention being one with nature all around you in her glory! Take this time to plan that tour with the fall colors, that was only a dream up to now!
Where will your fall destination find you as an empty nester? Make sure to check out our essay contest for September and October. |
 | Tips to Filling Your Free Time
Filling The Void Of Time
Stage of Life's Retirement/Empty Nest editor, Greg, suggested this article from Wikihow. This article gives a great perspective and ideas on how to cope with all of this time and emotion and make it a benefit for yourself and/or your spouse in this important time of change and transition.
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| Editor's Welcome: Sept. 15th- 22nd, 2011
What's In A Boomer?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
While this stage is geared towards empty nest, and retirement too, a big part of this all is the baby boomer, which may be in you! In theory, after World War II and the returning of soldiers from the war, the US experienced a huge explosion of babies between the years of 1946 and 1964. During this period, approximately 76 million Americans were born. That is a lot of diapers! Now, today, these booming babies are filing rank as empty nesters, retirees, single women and men over 50 as well as people with some really good stories of life’s experience to tell!
There are many faces and features that make up the baby boomer. Chances are good that you meet or interact with several or more daily in passing! I am fairly sure that there would be no way that I could possibly cover every aspect of the baby boomer or the pulse of their play in American culture.
That is why, here at Stage Of Life, we encourage you, the baby boomer/retiree/empty nester, to share these stories, facts, thoughts, experiences or viewpoints. There are so many aspects involved with this sometimes complex and wide spanning stage of life and within these aspects is the potential to share wisdom, inspire, guide through experience or maybe just entertain us all with some shameless stories or one of those “the things we do” moments!
No matter the age of the stage, or which niche you may think that you fall into, we welcome you to the Empty Nest /Retirement stage. Whether you wear your baby boomer status with pride or prefer to keep it undercover or think the label is just all over rated, you are the voice of this social phenomena! You are part of a generation that has and will continue to play a big role in where we have been and where this country will continue to go in the near future.
To everyone who has posted and commented here at Stage Of Life’s Empty Nest/Retirement, we thank you and encourage your continued participation and sharing. To those who have not yet joined but have maybe considered it, we look forward to spending some time and hearing what you have to say!
What’s in a Boomer, to you? Make sure to check out our essay contest for September and October.
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| Editor's Welcome: Sept. 8th-15th, 2011
Filling The Void Of Time
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Depending on where you are in the world, signs of fall are starting to become apparent all around us. There is an association that comes synonymous with fall every year. For many, they will find their homes quiet and empty as this past springs’ graduates have moved out and on with their new lives away from home.
I never really realized the many faces of this period in a parents life. My wife and I handled our sons independent leap well, and in fact although have missed many aspects of his presence in our home, we started to explore our soon to be new lives as ‘kid-free’ adults in his junior year of high school. So our transition was anticipated and in the making years before it became a reality for us. But it doesn’t always work that way for others. Personal views differ, feelings and emotions run high with some, not so much with others....everyone handles it differently! And although some people will be fine with the free time to be “adults” and take life up on it’s 'responsible free' offers….others are left stymied, hollow and with too much time on their hands.
All this free time and what to do?
As parents we all have invested many years, 18 or more, raising our kids running them around, entertaining the neighborhood brood, helping with love, homework, advice, disciplining....so many things that we as parents serve as. And now, they are all grown up and on their own! Parenting will always be an ongoing task even though, now, it takes on a new and different dynamic. But what is very apparent is the absence of the whole child rearing/kid raising experience, which for many is a deep and profound part of our lives.
It is so important to find ways to fill this new time as an independent adult! There is so much more to life… as much as that may sound obscene to some, it’s true. Life will go on and we need to find ways to go on with it. As suggested in this article from Wikihow, “filling your free time with useful pursuits is a way of increasing your creativity, energy, enthusiasm, and sense of fulfillment from life.” This article gives a great perspective and ideas on how to cope with all of this time and emotion and make it a benefit for yourself and/or your spouse in this important time of change and transition and I encourage you to read it.
This time in our lives is a normal and healthy part of growth as parents and as well for our kids. We owe it to ourselves to ease into this season of our lives with happiness and contentment. How will you enter into this time honored tradition, when your kids move on and your lives as independent adults begin? If you have already experienced this period in your lives, please share with us ways in which you handled the transition and filled the void of time!
Make sure to check out our essay contest for September and October. What do you feel may become the new trend or norm for the future of retirement? |
| Editor's Welcome: Sept. 1st- 8th, 2011
The New Face Of Retirement
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
For years we have all heard it. Much of the younger generations have feared it. No Presidential Administration to present has been able to curb it. And, with a near busted economy, it seems to be upon us possibly sooner than anyone could have imagined.; the end to Social Security benefits! Or will it be the end?! Nobody seems to know for sure, but according to this article from Daily Finance, that day may be here by 2017.
What has always concerned me is how unprepared many of us are for retirement. It seems almost impossible for most folks to even conceive saving these days with the jobless rate up, the cost of goods constantly on the rise, gas prices so high and unstable…. Yet, after so many of the ‘good years’ where the economy was booming and spending was abundant; in the near-sighted joy of living it up, so many people lost sight of reality and just got blind-sided. For now, the near future is uncertain.
Where do we go from here?
For some, it’s not too late to be able to change the course. The prospect of not having Social Security will be a reality for the vast majority of baby boomers soon and empty nesters someday not far off to follow. Not living beyond your means may be a saving grace for generations to come, and other shifts in budgets and saving strategies could still help. If your nest is now empty, you may have some income free and clear, since the kids have moved out and on. The real question is: will we be able to afford retirement at 65, in the sense of taking time to travel, play some rounds of golf, or just veg and enjoy the golden years?
Traditionally, the trend has been to spend a life of hard work while actively saving for retirement. But not everybody will end up being able to afford the golden life and travels abound or abroad. Will there someday soon be a new “normal” as far as saving for and living out retirement? Will most of us even be
able to retire at 65 or will it be necessary to work our golden years away? Maybe, the answer will be the re-defining of what retirement stands for; the new face of retirement.
Make sure to check out our essay contest for September and October. The topic is simple; as an empty nester, retiree or soon to be either, what do you feel may become the new trend or norm for the future of retirement? |
| Editor's Welcome: Aug. 15th - 31st, 2011
3 Days of Peace & Music
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
August 15th 2011, marks the 42nd anniversary of an event that symbolized a generation. What was billed as an Aquarian Exposition, took place in rural Bethel, New York on a local dairy farmer, Max Yasgur‘s, dairy farm. Six hundred acres which he graciously gave up to a music festival that would make history! Woodstock embodied the counterculture of the late 60’s and early 70’s, the hippie era, with the festival slated to be 3 days of peace, love and music which would show the world that “a half a million kids can get together and have 3 days of fun and music, and have nothing but fun and music…” as quoted by Max Yasgur himself.
Thirty-two of the best known musicians and bands of the day, such as: Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, the Jefferson Airplane, Sha Na Na, the Grateful Dead, Blood Sweat & Tears, Santana, Ravi Shankar, Richie Havens and far too many more to mention, performed in front of 500,000 concert goers that flooded the area for the show.
With the help of unofficial officials such as Wavy Gravy, "Chief of the Please Force" and other organizations like the ‘Hog Farm', together, they endured a lack of basic resources such as food and water, bad trips and a sometimes rainy weekend. Conditions that some critics would label as a "disaster area". What started out as a profit making venture soon turned into a free concert after it became obvious that hundreds of thousands more people were showing up than what promoters originally anticipated. The influx of concert goers created major traffic jams on local highways leading into the area, and at one point prevented the first of the performers from even being able to get to the show, much less on stage to perform!
As a result of all of this, the promoters took a huge loss along with their financial backers, with little hope of recouping the losses. But despite it all, the concert would go down in history as one of the biggest events of all time, with little success of any other festival up to now to emulate it.
Many of the performers who are still alive today, look back on this time with differing opinions and memories. Some have chosen to live a less public life and have put it all behind them. Others still perform today, and reflect back on what this concert; this weekend that exemplified a generation and the love that could come out of a weekend of togetherness and music, stood for in the world they lived in and the memories they hold true to what they stood for.
As many of the concert goers fall into the baby boomer generation, and yet many have retired or will soon be, the perspectives and visions of yesterday sometimes seem far off from the reality of today. There was a distinct vision in this period of time. Music, love and togetherness seemed to play a big roll in the contribution of their beliefs and ideals.
Yet, as we look back to that 3 days of the past and try to make sense of it all, what did actually come out of it besides good music, and the time of their lives, held by most in attendance?
Depending on opinion, some would say the vision of a generation failed. Yet, others would insist that it all stood for something, and did add contribution to the world we live in today. As retirees, and/or baby boomers that may have been a part of this time and generation, how do you feel about what it all stood for and where it really led? Whether you were there or wished you had been, share some of your memories, stories, or dreams of this musical moment in time and what it meant to you. I, personally, would love to hear your stories!
Whether you were there or wished you had been, share some of your memories, stories, or dreams of this musical moment in time and what it meant to you. I, personally, would love to hear your stories! |
| Editor's Welcome: Aug. 8th - 15th 2011
When The Best Laid Plans Fall Apart
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Your son or daughter graduated and have been off on their own. They had big plans! Some maybe were thought out to a flawless “T” while others were a fly by night in the seat of the pants operation. No matter the success or potential failure which followed, a parent couldn’t help but feel overjoyed for the accomplished goals, or feel sympathy for a miscalculated ‘oops‘! Some young adults would have too much pride or determination to ask mom and dad for help or the chance to return home to recover or regroup. But as a parent, has this thought of failure or the possible scenario ever crossed your mind? Or better, has it become a reality for you or someone you know?
Hey, “life” happens! From bad break-ups, to unexpected unemployment, or just changes in ones life be it his/her own doing or that of fate and circumstance. We all falter and stumble at one point or another. As a parent, I think that personally, my fear was always out of concern for our son. Maybe I didn’t agree with a decision he was making, or saw potential in how he could have handled something better. I always was afraid of him falling. It took some growth and conditioning as a parent to learn to be able to step back and let him make mistakes, out on his own. Mind you, even today, it still has it’s moments for me. But like anything, it does improve and becomes easier with time and his continued personal growth.
This brings about a good question though. At what point do you offer or insist on giving help in times of adversity, or even offer or allow them, say, to move back home? Some people would insist, that the door is always open no matter what. While this seems only natural for us to say or feel, how can we as parents expect our kids to learn from their mistakes if we all too easily lay down the welcome mat at every stumble or pothole in the journey? Obviously, as always, every situation holds it’s own circumstances and perimeters and what works in one instance for some may not be viable in another for others.
Summer is nearing an end, and within the coming weeks we will bid well to our departing kids off to college, or giving our blessings to their new independent endeavors. I believe it is natural for us to wonder….or worry….at whether we will get that call one day in the near future, that all is not what they thought it would be. I also believe that we have a parental obligation to not allow our feelings or emotions to get in the way of encouraging our youth to fight the good fight, or re-assess their stance in light of their current dilemmas. Ultimately we may end up having to open our door for them to return home, and thankfully they have a place to go and feel safe.
Regardless, the parenting process seldom ends upon their departure….it just changes a bit and requires some altering. To allow acceptance of defeat and a chance to regroup is reasonable. To encourage your kids’ growth and nurture responsible decisions and responses to their stumbling blocks is allowing them the self satisfaction of continued independence and their personal growth in the real world….where things are seldom all of the glory that they may seem!
How much thought have you given to independent flight of your son or daughter and the successes or failure they will incur? We want to hear your story! |
| Editor's Welcome: Aug. 1 - 7, 2011
Personal Growth Through The Changes In Life
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
This past week I have been fortunate enough to witness and be a part of the experience of 3 different stories of 3 different people, all whom are dealing with change, recognition of self and new beginnings.
 The 1st was a woman who had been working for her employer for 7 years, had been loyal, and had given 100% or better for that past 7 years. She recognized the need to make some changes to better herself. I saw her this week in the new office, of her own business!
She told me it was just time to start doing something for herself, and was so glad she took the moves to become self employed! When I saw her she was glowing, had an incredible energy about her and I have the feeling she will be doing well on her own.
The 2nd was somewhat of a humbling experience for a young man who realized some things about himself and his actions….and reactions that they create. He realized that although he is honest, works hard & diligently and has a good reputation as a responsible person, there are some qualities in how he carries himself in the presence of others that could use some honing. The wake-up call was a little harsh, yet necessary apparently. What he takes away with this will help him with future jobs and opportunities that will enhance his future! When I spoke with him the other day he was positively upbeat and came across differently than I have ever heard him in the past. Some revelations will help to guide one throughout his life!
The 3rd is a remarkable story which is way too complicated to convey in such a short piece! It’s about a man in his mid 20’s who has come to terms that his life for the past 11 years has been great, but is going nowhere. He discovered that in order to find the things in life which will motivate him and satisfy his dreams and desires he has to let go of what he has held on to, and recently struggled with, for so long; that sometimes status quo is not always comfortable, slows progress, and that only he has the ability to make the necessary changes…by taking the first step towards momentum and change!
As I watched these events unfold this week I witnessed 3 people go through life changes, enter into a new plateau of their lives, and learn something about themselves in the process that will inevitably aid them in personal growth and aspects of their lives to come. It was beautiful! It prompted me to look back in years of my own life and times when I was immersed, myself, in similar experiences; where I was then and how far I’ve come. Where my mind ’was’ and how I perceive those moments ‘now‘. Kind of like an inventory of emotions through levels of maturity! Wow, intense!
How many of us have had this profound experience in our own lives?!
Whether you are retired, or soon to be; bearing an empty nest or very soon, about to. A baby boomer who has watched so much unfold and the changes that have drawn the lines of generations! All of us will experience personal growth, achieve balance and acquire wisdom during such impactful moments of our lives. Just a little something to give some thought to in a world that is constantly demanding of us and moving at such a lightning speed rapid pace.
How can you relate change to the current place and time in your life? How did the most awkward or difficult decisions help you to get to where you are today? We want to hear your story! |
| Editor's Welcome: July 22th- 31th, 2011
Your Dreams Of Retirement Or The Empty Nest
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Many of us have been there, and still many are looking forward to the day it comes. Two major life changes, that will inevitably affect us all, is the day our kids take flight leaving an empty nest and a new beginning or the day we can finally take a deep sigh of relief as we find ourselves retired. Everyone has their wants, dreams and desires of these sacred and enjoyable times!
This month we here at Stage of Life are searching for the reasons that you, the reader, will look forward to your time of ultimate rest or focus on freedom, in the form of a fun and simple writing contest!
My thought was to enter a story, myself, and cross my fingers that nobody else enters before the deadline of August 31... I would skate with a cool and easy twenty five bucks!
…..Huh?! Not sure that this is what we all had exactly in mind here, but I was hoping the thought
may stir and encourage you to tell us your story in the form of an original essay, no more than 500 words, with clean and appropriate language.
 The cool thing is there is no right or wrong entry! This is a great way for you to express your dreams and share them with the world. I can tell you this: the first thing we did when our home became a 2 people abode, was to completely gut, renovate and slightly expand our sons old room. The reaction from most of our friends and/or family was that we weren’t wasting any time making sure he couldn’t come back home. Far from the real reason, however, it did get us to thinking!
We simply wanted a newly renovated room to relax, play music, work out or just hang out and chat together at the end of a long day. A room that was a ‘dog-free’ zone, where time matters not and clocks don‘t exist. A den we could love up and enjoy together!
Make sure to take some time and check out our Empty Nest/Retirement contest page and enter your essay, today! You have to register with StageofLife.com before you can begin, but that is a free and painless process that will actually give you the chance to take advantage of all kinds of deals and discounts, and to be able to have unlimited freedom to write your stories of life anytime you feel the itch to write! Check it out and we look forward to your entries.
Where will your dreams take you when your kids move out or you find it time to retire? |
| Editor's Welcome: July 15th- 22th, 2011
A Shift In Parenting
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
This summer, the role of parenting will change for many, as their kids prepare for college and a new life of independence. As a result of this up and coming moment in our lives, there are multiple changes that will affect both our kids’ lives and our own as parents. While true that we will always be the parent, the methods of how we parent and the needs of us as parents must make a transition to accommodate the independence and demands which our kids will face in college and/or on their
own.
One thing that experts suggest, for example, is that we try to ‘relate’ our own experiences at that age with our kids and how we handled difficulties, as opposed to ‘stepping in‘ when we see that they have hit roadblocks or stumbling posts, as we may have been so accustomed to doing for them in the past years. Effective problem solving is a life skill no matter the generation, and will be an asset to our kids throughout their lives!
 In this mix of change, we mustn’t forget that we also will be exploring new needs as empty nesters. Even though their needs and demands of us as parents have changed, young adults still look to us as examples and role models, and our own continuing personal growth is important. This simply enforces the theory of learning by example! I personally believe and have experienced that keeping yourself active and busy in the absence of the kids at home, is a vital part of acceptance and a positive part of this transition. It’s good nutrition for our minds and bodies in this new and sometimes confusing time!
Check out this supportive article for some inspirational thoughts and ideas on how to effectively make this shift in you and your child’s life during this time of passage and personal growth.
Also, make sure to visit our ‘Must Visit Websites’ section to discover more articles and advice for parents.
How are you handling the shift of parenting with your newly graduated son or daughter this summer? |
| Editor's Welcome: July 8th- 15th, 2011
Retirement And Vacation Home Investment
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
In the time honored tradition of summer, many families, couples, singles and seniors alike will hit the roads and airways this summer for their vacations to somewhere of their liking. Although gas prices are still high and slowly coming down, the die hard traveler spares no expense to seek relaxation in the name of fun, fun in the name of relaxation! No matter if you decided to travel abroad or stay local, most of us will make plans based on what tailors our unabated quest for the ultimate summer vacation.
 With interest rates and market prices on housing still low, now may be the best time for retirees or those who will soon retire to invest in that vacation property for summer and winter destination getaways. Click here to read an article, that suggests an opportunity to take advantage of the vacation rental industry to offset the cost of ownership and possibly even make this a positive cash flow situation!
Although this type of investment may come with some effort, planning and upkeep or maintenance management, and may not be for some, it is a unique way to provide that perfect getaway for a couple who desires to slow down and enjoy their retirement years. It does offer a unique alternative to retirement communities and planned getaway spots, and, the beauty of it is that you get to pick the place of your fancy! If you have ever considered a second home to getaway from life when retirement time comes, this may be an interesting idea to ponder.
Have you given thought to a dream getaway destination or second home for your retirement years? |
| Editor's Welcome: July 1st- 7th, 2011
The Days Of Summer.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
It's hard to believe that summer is in full swing and half over! It seems like just yesterday that preparations for graduation ceremonies, plans for senior trips and post grad celebrations were the primary focus of most parents. With the dust settled, most are now enjoying the summer days focusing on sunshine and fun.
 For many, this will be the last summer having the kids at home as some will be gearing up for college and travel away from the nest. For others, the kids may be close to home working and out on their own or still, some, may chose to hang out at home and get their ducks in a row! Any of these scenario's are a perfectly normal course of life really.
So too is the mental preparation for a potential major transition that is about to come over many families. I believe that it is a human reaction to put off the inevitable, but it is important to be ready for it as the time nears. Parents may find themselves 'holding on' this summer as if it may be the last time they will
spend with their kids before they move on in their lives. But this perception is far from the truth. It is by no means 'the last time' but rather the beginnings of new and better times!
Now is a time to gather and enjoy the company of the ones we have loved, cared for and brought up in this world and to make sure they know that we will miss them very much, but are also very proud of them and where they are going with their lives. While true, times will change and so will what we have come to be comfortable with as a 'normal' part of life. It is also important to recognize that this doesn't mean the end! It is just a time to re-adjust and adapt to new expectations and family rituals with our young adults.
Take the time to relish in their presence this summer! Maybe take a trip or plan some random day trips to those places you can both enjoy! They are growing up fast and the future is all theirs, but never does that mean that we as parents aren't a part of that future. The days to come although scary to some, will be the new beginnings for both parent and son/daughter.
How are you spending the days of summer with your son or daughter as they prepare to jump off into the big world and their new lives? |
| Editor's Welcome: June 23-30, 2011
Let The Good Times Roll.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
One of the things that sticks in my mind when 'baby boomer' is mentioned or brought up, is the music that came from the 60's generation. In fact, my personal opinion is that some of the greatest music came out of this era and is much of the roots that laid out the base for modern day music. Although, I often times feel that there really isn't anything 'today' that can compete with the music of yesterday! But, someone once said, "let us not forget our roots". Recently, one of our featured writers did a post on an old familiar song from Zager and Evans, and I have not been able to stop humming it in my head since I read her post! But then this is nothing new for me and I am sure I speak for many in this type of regard.
At times, the music from this era of time signified many things to many people. Uncertainty, turbulence, a dawning of a new age....it all stood for something. This generation had a vision to make the world a better place, and part of this vision was conveyed in the music which came out of this time. However you slice it, memories are abound for most when it comes to good music.
I have heard it said before that everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when certain tragic and/or historical events have taken place in the past. I am sure that many of us can relate the same principal to where we were and what we were doing when the newest hit from a group or musician of this time, hit the airwaves or the TV shows that showcased much of the music of the time. My wife is reminisent of the many Saturday mornings at her aunts house, where her uncles would gather around the TV for Soul Train. Even today when I hear certain songs come on the radio it brings back memories of something as silly as being in the car when my mom drove up to the bank drive-thru window or what we had for dinner on a typical Saturday night!
No matter how silly, trivial, or in some cases embarassing these memories may be for us, they are a big part of who we are, as was the music of this era. In many ways be it good or bad, it did help to shape us and our positions on many matters that we would and will face throughout our lives. I often wonder if todays youth will feel the same impact on this current generation of music, when they get to a point in life that they can look back into the past and see where they were and where the world seemed to be going. Will they be able to see the beauty in the music of their time? For that matter, will they recognize any social impact that their generation had on society as what we have seen in the 60's and 70's?
I am sure as it always is, it all comes down to the person, perspective and opinion as to what the time really stood for. But for those of us who embrace the music of the 60's, it is hard to see it any less than good memories, simpler times, and a positive view of our future.
What kind of stories, memories, or musical favorites do you have to share in regards to the music that 'shaped a generation'? |
| Editor's Welcome: June 15-22, 2011
A Moment In The Sun.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Some things in life we do not for profit, nor for recognition but rather we do it out of love and in the name of responsibility as a parent. Teaching our kids through wisdom, experience and giving our guidance is an important role we as parents serve and most definitely helps to define who and what they become as they turn into young adults. To me, there is nothing more gratifying than to be told by your son or daughter, some way that you benefited them with talks or actions through their childhood. Unfortunately, at least for this parent....it doesn't happen often enough! Which is more of the reason to savor it when it does!
Which is exactly what happened last night when our son and his girlfriend came over for dinner. He and I were sitting at the table with his girlfriend and he began to speak, in a very serious tone....something I am not used to with him, the jokster. He almost looked like he was trying to find the right words. For a moment I panicked... I think out of fatherly sympathy to give some relief for the desperate search for words he seemed to be having, I said something comical, to which he didn't even flinch. No, this was serious stuff this kid was contemplating on.
Then, he came out and said it. I was thinking, "your going to be a grandpa". What came out of his mouth shocked me. He said, "I am really grateful that you taught me how to use a chainsaw when I was 15 years old." A wave of relief came over me and instantaneously a moment of absolute pride in what he had just said. Not so much proud of myself for teaching him to chainsaw at 15 years old, but rather proud of him and what he did with that simple day of chainsaw etiquette and safety and the many days of practice that followed throughout the years of living in the mountains. There was also a feeling of completion, or satisfaction of what he did with those teachings.
Recently, he achieved a major goal in his career path, as he was hired on to the Alaska Division Of Forestry as a firefighter. He returned from the Alaska interior last week, after being on the fire line of a large wild land fire that threatened a small town and some local villages. He had the time of his life and made quite the impression with his commander with his hard work, determination and effort ....another thing that made us shine as all the work ethic and responsibility we instilled in him paid off. So upon his return, his commander commenced training with him for his Class 'C' chainsaw certification.
What happened next was incredible! His team leader found out he had prior knowledge and experience with chainsaws, found out that in fact he owned his own, and said he would bypass the training and see what John had in him. The bottom line is he passed, hands down, felled his trees correctly and precisely, operated the equipment efficiently and safely, and scored his Class 'C' certificate! This enables him to operate a saw on the fire lines which moves him up the ladder and enhances his resume for his future with the Division Of Forestry or any other agencies! Kudos, kiddo!!
If I was to take anything out of this moment, I think it would be that sometimes even the smallest things, the simplest talks, and encouraging our kids to think out of the proverbial box that they are subjected to in other social and learning outlets, enhances their chances for success in their future. I guess in our minds we never realized or thought he would move out just weeks after graduation from High School. When he did we were concerned and wondered if he was ready for the real world. He has stumbled and learned and learned and stumbled, but he has achieved some major steps in his few years out of the nest. To hear from him about the gratitude he had in me contributing lessons to him that helped with his success, was about the greatest gift a dad could have. It was a moment in the sun!
What are some of the moments of glory you, as the empty nester parent, have experienced in the form of gratitude straight from the mouths of your young adults? |
| Editor's Welcome: June 1 - 15, 2011
A Time To Reflect And Offer Thanks.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
My hope is that this weeks 'From The Editor' piece finds everyone relaxed after a three-day Memorial weekend! With our sights on summer, the BBQ's and outdoor activities that will be much on our minds, this surely was a great weekend to kick off the summer of 2011! I also hope that we all took some time to think about what this Memorial Day weekend stands for...
With so many of our women and men in the armed forces stretched out in so many places around the world, it just seems so important and appropriate to recognize the great duty they are serving, and the immense duty that so many have given in years past. It is thanks to these great men and women that we are able to enjoy so much of our freedoms that encompassed this past 3 day weekend!
 The greatness that has served to protect our country and honor our freedom comes in many forms, many ages, and spans through many generations. One segment of our society which I have given thought to this weekend was to the retirees and baby boomers that have served in wars or secured our freedom in times of heated conflict. It made me wonder how our readers, who may fall into the retiree or boomer status, had spent their Memorial Day. One story I heard over the weekend touched me and I felt compelled to share it.
Years ago, a gentleman chose to honor his father and the service he made back in World War II, when he courageously stormed the beach of Normandy, on what we know as 'D' Day. He took his father on this particular Memorial Day years ago, back to Normandy, France, right to the beach that so many years ago his father had risked his life to secure against tremendous odds. As anyone could imagine, it was a very emotional time for the father, and even so much for his son. On this day, they met up with some of the other men who had been on that beach that morning on June 6th,1944, when 160,000 Allied troops landed there to fight the Nazi's and begin a march of freedom through Europe.
This possibly was the greatest gift a son could give to his father.
Personally, I couldn't even begin to imagine the feelings that went through these brave men, so many years later as they reunited on the beach, that had to remain one of the single most haunting images to stay in their minds, for the rest of their lives. But facing the odds that were mounted against them they pulled off a victory that changed the tides of the war and what I believe cemented the freedom that you and I share to this day, in this great country, the United States Of America.
My hope is that this weeks Editors piece finds just one soul that has courageously served to secure my freedom. Be it retired or not, they made a choice to ensure that future generations would be able to enjoy the freedom of choice that is what America stands for. And for this, I am honored and privileged to say, "thank you!"
If you have served in the military whether it be during wartime or peace, we would be honored if you could share your story, or just sum up what this Memorial Day meant to you? |
| Editor's Welcome: May 16th - 31st, 2011
Graduation: A Time To Let Grow
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The other day, my wife saw something that reminded her of the day our son graduated, 3 years ago, and how life around our home changed in the following weeks so profoundly. I had to stop what I was doing at the time and could not help but reflect on that period with her. An array of emotion swept us both at that moment. Feelings of uncertainty and uncharted grounds, sadness or emptiness, and feelings of accomplishment and joy overwhelmed us both!
 Looking back on that period, I remember knowing that things would soon change in his life after graduation, and that quite possibly in the near future we would bear witness to him part from our loving family home. With him uncertain of his plans after graduation, we both thought he would stick around for a year or so….but several weeks later, he spread his wings and flew, unexpected and with short notice to us.
No preparation can totally absorb the shock and feelings experienced in the onset of the empty nest stage. However, there are ways that you as a parent can prepare yourself and work through these times to help alleviate the feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and self questioning that can make this time so difficult to cope with.
One of the most important steps we took in our sons’ freshman year, was to look deeper into ourselves. Mind you, we had always been and still were a strong couple and held a strong bond raising our son as a family. But we began to look deeper into our individual wants and desires, explored them and acted on them.
We were at a point in life where he was in high school, active with friends, responsible and secure, and we felt comfortable giving to ourselves a little more time to expand into much desired hobbies, career paths and our dreams. This single impulsive act, we would discover years later, was the best thing we could have ever inadvertently done for ourselves to buffer the transition into the empty nest. Not to detract from the difficult times or sad moments, because there were many. But it helped us in building into this time and aided in supplementing the time following his departure. It helped to better equip us in our ability to stand back at safe distance. ‘Safe’, to give him space to stumble and grow….and ‘safe’, to be there if we had to intervene in a guiding role, without making him feel less than independent.
During this most important time in our child’s life, we as parents share that important time with them. After all, it is our long years of patience, diligence, teachings and love that has helped them to shape their morals and character.
This is the foundation for the rest of their lives.
But let’s not forget that that this is not a pioneering experience, and that there are things we can do to make this transition easier on ourselves. Besides that of the experts, the best advice is sometimes found from those who have walked the path before us. I have included some links I believe you may find beneficial to your journey into the empty nest. Remember to share them with friends or family you may know of who is possibly experiencing similar times.
You can also find these links in our ‘Must Visit Websites’ section on StageofLife.com
In the coming days and weeks, life will certainly change forever for many parents and as well for their kids. Remember, it is important to share this time with them but to be aware of the importance to give them their space to grow into their new roles. The best thing we as parents can do to support them is to take care of
ourselves.
Congratulations on your accomplishment as parents!
The job and its title is never over, but the time to make adjustments to change and entrance into a
happy future is upon you now. Fear not….this too shall pass!
What other resources do you recommend for Empty Nesters? Please Contact Us and we'll add those sites to StageofLife.com's list of Must Visit Websites for Empty Nest and Retirement. |
| Editor's Welcome: May 1st - 15th, 2011
Fulfillment In A Time Of Change
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
There is much to do this time of year with spring in order and summer on it’s way. For those who play the important role of parent, plans for the up coming graduation are in full swing. Your home is more than likely abound with activity making arrangements and preparing for one of the most important days in your child’s life, the party that will follow and the guests and relatives that will be visiting for this event. In busy times like this there really is no time to give thought to much else and it is so important to stay focused and follow the proverbial checklist to the letter!
 There is one thing that you may quite possibly have forgotten though. This task won’t be on your checklist and is something that can’t be delegated to someone else in the household. Yet, it will be one of the single most important things that will be associated with your son or daughters graduation. Simply; what will become of “you” when the party is over and the young adult of the house begins the next step in their life?
For some, life will go on as usual. But for many, if you haven’t already given some thought to the future months and years to come, now is the time to begin. If you have followed my thoughts in past posts you know that I have periodically put emphasis on the importance of ‘thinking of yourself’ in the months leading up to the big event and the coming time of the empty nest. Through personal experience, I believe that this will be an important consideration you will make prior to your son and/or daughters graduation.
It is no secret that once they graduate their lives will begin to change at somewhat of a rapid pace. In this time of inevitable change, there becomes a void in the lives of the parent(s) as their role changes from one of leadership and provider to more of support and guidance. You will always be the “parent” but the
role you play will shift to give your son or daughter room to adjust into their new forming lives and gain their independence.
This is a time where symptoms of ‘empty nest syndrome’ can overtake you. However, thinking and planning for “you” can be the best remedy for the blues and a filler for the down time that used to be dedicated to raising and providing for your kids.
It is said that life begins when the house is empty! This of course is only an opinion of some, based on their positive experiences, and to those who are feeling less the bliss, this concept could easily be frowned upon.
But what if many of the symptoms of ‘empty nest syndrome’ had much to do with the state of mind?
If you are reading this piece and are currently struggling with this issue, you are probably thinking that there is no sense of someone trying to tell you what you feel is not real. The good news is that you are absolutely correct! What you are feeling is very real and nobody can tell you different. But, how we handle the feelings that come with the empty nest will be the tell tale of how we either allow ourselves to be taken down with emotion, or how we lift ourselves, acceptingly, to a new stage of life. And one of the most important tools I have found in doing this is to give to yourself the gift of self accomplishment and the rite to move on and expand on your life.
All that you have done for the pat 18 years is a great accomplishment. Everything you have instilled into their youth will now begin to pay off for them as they make their way into the ‘real’ world. This is the first great step for you! Give yourself that pat on the shoulder and begin to make time now to pursue new hobbies, create fun and exciting customs. A friend of mine mentioned that she likes to always have something on the calendar to look forward to. This helps to keep her life exciting and pull her through the stressful days. Replace those ‘play dates’ with real dates. Make time with friends to get out, have fun and just socialize as an adult.
There are so many ways to fill the down time that I can’t even begin to word it in a limited space piece. The important thing to remember though, is that ‘now’ is your time and you should make the most valuable use of it.
A chipper mind leads to a happy heart! Don’t allow those sometimes overwhelming emotions to take you over. Take time to find new ways to enjoy the coming years of your life. It will entail adapting to new circumstances, being creative, and doing some soul searching of just ‘who’ you really are and pursuing the things that will complete you as an accomplished person. The empty nest can be an exciting time if we allow ourselves to open up to new surroundings and open our minds to the infinite possibilities once our kids move on.
How are you handling graduation and the potential of the empty nest which will soon affect your life? |
| Editor's Welcome: April 23rd - 30th, 2011
Baby Boomers and the coming wave of retirement
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
It has been difficult for me to stay focused lately with all that has been unfolding around me what with talk of the deficit going into the trillions, a concept I have a very difficult time trying to imagine within my humble lifestyle and meager spending habits.
Then there is the price of gas going through the ceiling, groceries and products going up in price and uncertainties of just where our economy really is heading. For now we will leave out the unraveling of world events! Every time I think I have a plan for saving, which I try to keep on track with, something always seems to come around or an event occurs to make me rethink or re-evaluate my strategy.
Maybe this is a realistic part of planning for such; improvise, adapt and overcome?!
With the Baby Boomer generation hitting the first wave of 65 this year, and the numbers expected to grow rapidly through the coming years, it will be both interesting and maybe a bit scary to see how this will, for the first time in our history, affect Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.
Is it any wonder many Baby Boomers are not prepared for what’s to come?
Truth is, in fact, retirement is sadly becoming an option that many Boomers will not have the opportunity to enjoy at all.
For some, it may well be too late in the game for effective and definitive change in this scenario. I found an interesting article which touches on 401(K) and investment options that could be helpful for those who still have a chance to salvage and maintain the coming years of retirement.
Many things have changed within recent years and so many of us are just unsure of what the future holds and where to wisely turn our attention when it comes to our finances and savings. It may be time for many of us to reposition ourselves and adapt new strategies that will further insure the safety net and nest egg’s of our future.
With so much changing times around us, there is no better a time to make change!
How much consideration have you given to the current statistics of the future of retirement? |
| Editor's Welcome: Aug. 1 - 7, 2011
Personal Growth Through The Changes In Life
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
This past week I have been fortunate enough to witness and be a part of the experience of 3 different stories of 3 different people, all whom are dealing with change, recognition of self and new beginnings.
 The 1st was a woman who had been working for her employer for 7 years, had been loyal, and had given 100% or better for that past 7 years. She recognized the need to make some changes to better herself. I saw her this week in the new office, of her own business!
She told me it was just time to start doing something for herself, and was so glad she took the moves to become self employed! When I saw her she was glowing, had an incredible energy about her and I have the feeling she will be doing well on her own.
The 2nd was somewhat of a humbling experience for a young man who realized some things about himself and his actions….and reactions that they create. He realized that although he is honest, works hard & diligently and has a good reputation as a responsible person, there are some qualities in how he carries himself in the presence of others that could use some honing. The wake-up call was a little harsh, yet necessary apparently. What he takes away with this will help him with future jobs and opportunities that will enhance his future! When I spoke with him the other day he was positively upbeat and came across differently than I have ever heard him in the past. Some revelations will help to guide one throughout his life!
The 3rd is a remarkable story which is way too complicated to convey in such a short piece! It’s about a man in his mid 20’s who has come to terms that his life for the past 11 years has been great, but is going nowhere. He discovered that in order to find the things in life which will motivate him and satisfy his dreams and desires he has to let go of what he has held on to, and recently struggled with, for so long; that sometimes status quo is not always comfortable, slows progress, and that only he has the ability to make the necessary changes…by taking the first step towards momentum and change!
As I watched these events unfold this week I witnessed 3 people go through life changes, enter into a new plateau of their lives, and learn something about themselves in the process that will inevitably aid them in personal growth and aspects of their lives to come. It was beautiful! It prompted me to look back in years of my own life and times when I was immersed, myself, in similar experiences; where I was then and how far I’ve come. Where my mind ’was’ and how I perceive those moments ‘now‘. Kind of like an inventory of emotions through levels of maturity! Wow, intense!
How many of us have had this profound experience in our own lives?!
Whether you are retired, or soon to be; bearing an empty nest or very soon, about to. A baby boomer who has watched so much unfold and the changes that have drawn the lines of generations! All of us will experience personal growth, achieve balance and acquire wisdom during such impactful moments of our lives. Just a little something to give some thought to in a world that is constantly demanding of us and moving at such a lightning speed rapid pace.
How can you relate change to the current place and time in your life? How did the most awkward or difficult decisions help you to get to where you are today? We want to hear your story! |
| Editor's Welcome: July 22th- 31th, 2011
Your Dreams Of Retirement Or The Empty Nest
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Many of us have been there, and still many are looking forward to the day it comes. Two major life changes, that will inevitably affect us all, is the day our kids take flight leaving an empty nest and a new beginning or the day we can finally take a deep sigh of relief as we find ourselves retired. Everyone has their wants, dreams and desires of these sacred and enjoyable times!
This month we here at Stage of Life are searching for the reasons that you, the reader, will look forward to your time of ultimate rest or focus on freedom, in the form of a fun and simple writing contest!
My thought was to enter a story, myself, and cross my fingers that nobody else enters before the deadline of August 31... I would skate with a cool and easy twenty five bucks!
…..Huh?! Not sure that this is what we all had exactly in mind here, but I was hoping the thought
may stir and encourage you to tell us your story in the form of an original essay, no more than 500 words, with clean and appropriate language.
The cool thing is there is no right or wrong entry! This is a great way for you to express your dreams and share them with the world. I can tell you this: the first thing we did when our home became a 2 people abode, was to completely gut, renovate and slightly expand our sons old room. The reaction from most of our friends and/or family was that we weren’t wasting any time making sure he couldn’t come back home. Far from the real reason, however, it did get us to thinking!
We simply wanted a newly renovated room to relax, play music, work out or just hang out and chat together at the end of a long day. A room that was a ‘dog-free’ zone, where time matters not and clocks don‘t exist. A den we could love up and enjoy together!
Make sure to take some time and check out our Empty Nest/Retirement contest page and enter your essay, today! You have to register with StageofLife.com before you can begin, but that is a free and painless process that will actually give you the chance to take advantage of all kinds of deals and discounts, and to be able to have unlimited freedom to write your stories of life anytime you feel the itch to write! Check it out and we look forward to your entries.
Where will your dreams take you when your kids move out or you find it time to retire? |
| Editor's Welcome: July 15th- 22th, 2011
A Shift In Parenting
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
This summer, the role of parenting will change for many, as their kids prepare for college and a new life of independence. As a result of this up and coming moment in our lives, there are multiple changes that will affect both our kids’ lives and our own as parents. While true that we will always be the parent, the methods of how we parent and the needs of us as parents must make a transition to accommodate the independence and demands which our kids will face in college and/or on their
own.
One thing that experts suggest, for example, is that we try to ‘relate’ our own experiences at that age with our kids and how we handled difficulties, as opposed to ‘stepping in‘ when we see that they have hit roadblocks or stumbling posts, as we may have been so accustomed to doing for them in the past years. Effective problem solving is a life skill no matter the generation, and will be an asset to our kids throughout their lives!
In this mix of change, we mustn’t forget that we also will be exploring new needs as empty nesters. Even though their needs and demands of us as parents have changed, young adults still look to us as examples and role models, and our own continuing personal growth is important. This simply enforces the theory of learning by example! I personally believe and have experienced that keeping yourself active and busy in the absence of the kids at home, is a vital part of acceptance and a positive part of this transition. It’s good nutrition for our minds and bodies in this new and sometimes confusing time!
Check out this supportive article for some inspirational thoughts and ideas on how to effectively make this shift in you and your child’s life during this time of passage and personal growth.
Also, make sure to visit our ‘Must Visit Websites’ section to discover more articles and advice for parents.
How are you handling the shift of parenting with your newly graduated son or daughter this summer? |
 | Hyde Schools
Articles and Advice for Parents
Stage of Life's Retirement/Empty Nest editor, Greg, suggested the Hyde Schools press page as a great resource for parents of all ages. The site features articles about starting the school year on a good foot, building character in your children, bullying, and has advice from parenting experts Malcom and Laura Gauld.
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| Editor's Welcome: July 8th- 15th, 2011
Retirement And Vacation Home Investment
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
In the time honored tradition of summer, many families, couples, singles and seniors alike will hit the roads and airways this summer for their vacations to somewhere of their liking. Although gas prices are still high and slowly coming down, the die hard traveler spares no expense to seek relaxation in the name of fun, fun in the name of relaxation! No matter if you decided to travel abroad or stay local, most of us will make plans based on what tailors our unabated quest for the ultimate summer vacation.
 With interest rates and market prices on housing still low, now may be the best time for retirees or those who will soon retire to invest in that vacation property for summer and winter destination getaways. Click here to read an article, that suggests an opportunity to take advantage of the vacation rental industry to offset the cost of ownership and possibly even make this a positive cash flow situation!
Although this type of investment may come with some effort, planning and upkeep or maintenance management, and may not be for some, it is a unique way to provide that perfect getaway for a couple who desires to slow down and enjoy their retirement years. It does offer a unique alternative to retirement communities and planned getaway spots, and, the beauty of it is that you get to pick the place of your fancy! If you have ever considered a second home to getaway from life when retirement time comes, this may be an interesting idea to ponder.
Have you given thought to a dream getaway destination or second home for your retirement years? |
| Editor's Welcome: July 1st- 7th, 2011
The Days Of Summer.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
It's hard to believe that summer is in full swing and half over! It seems like just yesterday that preparations for graduation ceremonies, plans for senior trips and post grad celebrations were the primary focus of most parents. With the dust settled, most are now enjoying the summer days focusing on sunshine and fun.
For many, this will be the last summer having the kids at home as some will be gearing up for college and travel away from the nest. For others, the kids may be close to home working and out on their own or still, some, may chose to hang out at home and get their ducks in a row! Any of these scenario's are a perfectly normal course of life really.
So too is the mental preparation for a potential major transition that is about to come over many families. I believe that it is a human reaction to put off the inevitable, but it is important to be ready for it as the time nears. Parents may find themselves 'holding on' this summer as if it may be the last time they will
spend with their kids before they move on in their lives. But this perception is far from the truth. It is by no means 'the last time' but rather the beginnings of new and better times!
Now is a time to gather and enjoy the company of the ones we have loved, cared for and brought up in this world and to make sure they know that we will miss them very much, but are also very proud of them and where they are going with their lives. While true, times will change and so will what we have come to be comfortable with as a 'normal' part of life. It is also important to recognize that this doesn't mean the end! It is just a time to re-adjust and adapt to new expectations and family rituals with our young adults.
Take the time to relish in their presence this summer! Maybe take a trip or plan some random day trips to those places you can both enjoy! They are growing up fast and the future is all theirs, but never does that mean that we as parents aren't a part of that future. The days to come although scary to some, will be the new beginnings for both parent and son/daughter.
How are you spending the days of summer with your son or daughter as they prepare to jump off into the big world and their new lives? |
| Editor's Welcome: June 23-30, 2011
Let The Good Times Roll.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
One of the things that sticks in my mind when 'baby boomer' is mentioned or brought up, is the music that came from the 60's generation. In fact, my personal opinion is that some of the greatest music came out of this era and is much of the roots that laid out the base for modern day music. Although, I often times feel that there really isn't anything 'today' that can compete with the music of yesterday! But, someone once said, "let us not forget our roots". Recently, one of our featured writers did a post on an old familiar song from Zager and Evans, and I have not been able to stop humming it in my head since I read her post! But then this is nothing new for me and I am sure I speak for many in this type of regard.
At times, the music from this era of time signified many things to many people. Uncertainty, turbulence, a dawning of a new age....it all stood for something. This generation had a vision to make the world a better place, and part of this vision was conveyed in the music which came out of this time. However you slice it, memories are abound for most when it comes to good music.
I have heard it said before that everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when certain tragic and/or historical events have taken place in the past. I am sure that many of us can relate the same principal to where we were and what we were doing when the newest hit from a group or musician of this time, hit the airwaves or the TV shows that showcased much of the music of the time. My wife is reminisent of the many Saturday mornings at her aunts house, where her uncles would gather around the TV for Soul Train. Even today when I hear certain songs come on the radio it brings back memories of something as silly as being in the car when my mom drove up to the bank drive-thru window or what we had for dinner on a typical Saturday night!
No matter how silly, trivial, or in some cases embarassing these memories may be for us, they are a big part of who we are, as was the music of this era. In many ways be it good or bad, it did help to shape us and our positions on many matters that we would and will face throughout our lives. I often wonder if todays youth will feel the same impact on this current generation of music, when they get to a point in life that they can look back into the past and see where they were and where the world seemed to be going. Will they be able to see the beauty in the music of their time? For that matter, will they recognize any social impact that their generation had on society as what we have seen in the 60's and 70's?
I am sure as it always is, it all comes down to the person, perspective and opinion as to what the time really stood for. But for those of us who embrace the music of the 60's, it is hard to see it any less than good memories, simpler times, and a positive view of our future.
What kind of stories, memories, or musical favorites do you have to share in regards to the music that 'shaped a generation'? |
| Editor's Welcome: June 15-22, 2011
A Moment In The Sun.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Some things in life we do not for profit, nor for recognition but rather we do it out of love and in the name of responsibility as a parent. Teaching our kids through wisdom, experience and giving our guidance is an important role we as parents serve and most definitely helps to define who and what they become as they turn into young adults. To me, there is nothing more gratifying than to be told by your son or daughter, some way that you benefited them with talks or actions through their childhood. Unfortunately, at least for this parent....it doesn't happen often enough! Which is more of the reason to savor it when it does!
Which is exactly what happened last night when our son and his girlfriend came over for dinner. He and I were sitting at the table with his girlfriend and he began to speak, in a very serious tone....something I am not used to with him, the jokster. He almost looked like he was trying to find the right words. For a moment I panicked... I think out of fatherly sympathy to give some relief for the desperate search for words he seemed to be having, I said something comical, to which he didn't even flinch. No, this was serious stuff this kid was contemplating on.
Then, he came out and said it. I was thinking, "your going to be a grandpa". What came out of his mouth shocked me. He said, "I am really grateful that you taught me how to use a chainsaw when I was 15 years old." A wave of relief came over me and instantaneously a moment of absolute pride in what he had just said. Not so much proud of myself for teaching him to chainsaw at 15 years old, but rather proud of him and what he did with that simple day of chainsaw etiquette and safety and the many days of practice that followed throughout the years of living in the mountains. There was also a feeling of completion, or satisfaction of what he did with those teachings.
Recently, he achieved a major goal in his career path, as he was hired on to the Alaska Division Of Forestry as a firefighter. He returned from the Alaska interior last week, after being on the fire line of a large wild land fire that threatened a small town and some local villages. He had the time of his life and made quite the impression with his commander with his hard work, determination and effort ....another thing that made us shine as all the work ethic and responsibility we instilled in him paid off. So upon his return, his commander commenced training with him for his Class 'C' chainsaw certification.
What happened next was incredible! His team leader found out he had prior knowledge and experience with chainsaws, found out that in fact he owned his own, and said he would bypass the training and see what John had in him. The bottom line is he passed, hands down, felled his trees correctly and precisely, operated the equipment efficiently and safely, and scored his Class 'C' certificate! This enables him to operate a saw on the fire lines which moves him up the ladder and enhances his resume for his future with the Division Of Forestry or any other agencies! Kudos, kiddo!!
If I was to take anything out of this moment, I think it would be that sometimes even the smallest things, the simplest talks, and encouraging our kids to think out of the proverbial box that they are subjected to in other social and learning outlets, enhances their chances for success in their future. I guess in our minds we never realized or thought he would move out just weeks after graduation from High School. When he did we were concerned and wondered if he was ready for the real world. He has stumbled and learned and learned and stumbled, but he has achieved some major steps in his few years out of the nest. To hear from him about the gratitude he had in me contributing lessons to him that helped with his success, was about the greatest gift a dad could have. It was a moment in the sun!
What are some of the moments of glory you, as the empty nester parent, have experienced in the form of gratitude straight from the mouths of your young adults? |
| Editor's Welcome: June 1 - 15, 2011
A Time To Reflect And Offer Thanks.
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
My hope is that this weeks 'From The Editor' piece finds everyone relaxed after a three-day Memorial weekend! With our sights on summer, the BBQ's and outdoor activities that will be much on our minds, this surely was a great weekend to kick off the summer of 2011! I also hope that we all took some time to think about what this Memorial Day weekend stands for...
With so many of our women and men in the armed forces stretched out in so many places around the world, it just seems so important and appropriate to recognize the great duty they are serving, and the immense duty that so many have given in years past. It is thanks to these great men and women that we are able to enjoy so much of our freedoms that encompassed this past 3 day weekend!
 The greatness that has served to protect our country and honor our freedom comes in many forms, many ages, and spans through many generations. One segment of our society which I have given thought to this weekend was to the retirees and baby boomers that have served in wars or secured our freedom in times of heated conflict. It made me wonder how our readers, who may fall into the retiree or boomer status, had spent their Memorial Day. One story I heard over the weekend touched me and I felt compelled to share it.
Years ago, a gentleman chose to honor his father and the service he made back in World War II, when he courageously stormed the beach of Normandy, on what we know as 'D' Day. He took his father on this particular Memorial Day years ago, back to Normandy, France, right to the beach that so many years ago his father had risked his life to secure against tremendous odds. As anyone could imagine, it was a very emotional time for the father, and even so much for his son. On this day, they met up with some of the other men who had been on that beach that morning on June 6th,1944, when 160,000 Allied troops landed there to fight the Nazi's and begin a march of freedom through Europe.
This possibly was the greatest gift a son could give to his father.
Personally, I couldn't even begin to imagine the feelings that went through these brave men, so many years later as they reunited on the beach, that had to remain one of the single most haunting images to stay in their minds, for the rest of their lives. But facing the odds that were mounted against them they pulled off a victory that changed the tides of the war and what I believe cemented the freedom that you and I share to this day, in this great country, the United States Of America.
My hope is that this weeks Editors piece finds just one soul that has courageously served to secure my freedom. Be it retired or not, they made a choice to ensure that future generations would be able to enjoy the freedom of choice that is what America stands for. And for this, I am honored and privileged to say, "thank you!"
If you have served in the military whether it be during wartime or peace, we would be honored if you could share your story, or just sum up what this Memorial Day meant to you? |
 | Life After Your Child Graduates
Empty Nest Website Resources
Graduation is an important time in the lives of our kids and we, as parents. As the days of the empty nest begin, it helps to have resources and advice from those who have been there before you. Check out these websites which may serve you well in this strange and new period of your life, the empty nest.
If you should have other specific Empty Nest resources, please Contact Us
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| Editor's Welcome: May 16th - 31st, 2011
Graduation: A Time To Let Grow
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The other day, my wife saw something that reminded her of the day our son graduated, 3 years ago, and how life around our home changed in the following weeks so profoundly. I had to stop what I was doing at the time and could not help but reflect on that period with her. An array of emotion swept us both at that moment. Feelings of uncertainty and uncharted grounds, sadness or emptiness, and feelings of accomplishment and joy overwhelmed us both!
 Looking back on that period, I remember knowing that things would soon change in his life after graduation, and that quite possibly in the near future we would bear witness to him part from our loving family home. With him uncertain of his plans after graduation, we both thought he would stick around for a year or so….but several weeks later, he spread his wings and flew, unexpected and with short notice to us.
No preparation can totally absorb the shock and feelings experienced in the onset of the empty nest stage. However, there are ways that you as a parent can prepare yourself and work through these times to help alleviate the feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and self questioning that can make this time so difficult to cope with.
One of the most important steps we took in our sons’ freshman year, was to look deeper into ourselves. Mind you, we had always been and still were a strong couple and held a strong bond raising our son as a family. But we began to look deeper into our individual wants and desires, explored them and acted on them.
We were at a point in life where he was in high school, active with friends, responsible and secure, and we felt comfortable giving to ourselves a little more time to expand into much desired hobbies, career paths and our dreams. This single impulsive act, we would discover years later, was the best thing we could have ever inadvertently done for ourselves to buffer the transition into the empty nest. Not to detract from the difficult times or sad moments, because there were many. But it helped us in building into this time and aided in supplementing the time following his departure. It helped to better equip us in our ability to stand back at safe distance. ‘Safe’, to give him space to stumble and grow….and ‘safe’, to be there if we had to intervene in a guiding role, without making him feel less than independent.
During this most important time in our child’s life, we as parents share that important time with them. After all, it is our long years of patience, diligence, teachings and love that has helped them to shape their morals and character.
This is the foundation for the rest of their lives.
But let’s not forget that that this is not a pioneering experience, and that there are things we can do to make this transition easier on ourselves. Besides that of the experts, the best advice is sometimes found from those who have walked the path before us. I have included some links I believe you may find beneficial to your journey into the empty nest. Remember to share them with friends or family you may know of who is possibly experiencing similar times.
You can also find these links in our ‘Must Visit Websites’ section on StageofLife.com
In the coming days and weeks, life will certainly change forever for many parents and as well for their kids. Remember, it is important to share this time with them but to be aware of the importance to give them their space to grow into their new roles. The best thing we as parents can do to support them is to take care of
ourselves.
Congratulations on your accomplishment as parents!
The job and its title is never over, but the time to make adjustments to change and entrance into a
happy future is upon you now. Fear not….this too shall pass!
What other resources do you recommend for Empty Nesters? Please Contact Us and we'll add those sites to StageofLife.com's list of Must Visit Websites for Empty Nest and Retirement. |
| Editor's Welcome: May 1st - 15th, 2011
Fulfillment In A Time Of Change
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
There is much to do this time of year with spring in order and summer on it’s way. For those who play the important role of parent, plans for the up coming graduation are in full swing. Your home is more than likely abound with activity making arrangements and preparing for one of the most important days in your child’s life, the party that will follow and the guests and relatives that will be visiting for this event. In busy times like this there really is no time to give thought to much else and it is so important to stay focused and follow the proverbial checklist to the letter!
 There is one thing that you may quite possibly have forgotten though. This task won’t be on your checklist and is something that can’t be delegated to someone else in the household. Yet, it will be one of the single most important things that will be associated with your son or daughters graduation. Simply; what will become of “you” when the party is over and the young adult of the house begins the next step in their life?
For some, life will go on as usual. But for many, if you haven’t already given some thought to the future months and years to come, now is the time to begin. If you have followed my thoughts in past posts you know that I have periodically put emphasis on the importance of ‘thinking of yourself’ in the months leading up to the big event and the coming time of the empty nest. Through personal experience, I believe that this will be an important consideration you will make prior to your son and/or daughters graduation.
It is no secret that once they graduate their lives will begin to change at somewhat of a rapid pace. In this time of inevitable change, there becomes a void in the lives of the parent(s) as their role changes from one of leadership and provider to more of support and guidance. You will always be the “parent” but the
role you play will shift to give your son or daughter room to adjust into their new forming lives and gain their independence.
This is a time where symptoms of ‘empty nest syndrome’ can overtake you. However, thinking and planning for “you” can be the best remedy for the blues and a filler for the down time that used to be dedicated to raising and providing for your kids.
It is said that life begins when the house is empty! This of course is only an opinion of some, based on their positive experiences, and to those who are feeling less the bliss, this concept could easily be frowned upon.
But what if many of the symptoms of ‘empty nest syndrome’ had much to do with the state of mind?
If you are reading this piece and are currently struggling with this issue, you are probably thinking that there is no sense of someone trying to tell you what you feel is not real. The good news is that you are absolutely correct! What you are feeling is very real and nobody can tell you different. But, how we handle the feelings that come with the empty nest will be the tell tale of how we either allow ourselves to be taken down with emotion, or how we lift ourselves, acceptingly, to a new stage of life. And one of the most important tools I have found in doing this is to give to yourself the gift of self accomplishment and the rite to move on and expand on your life.
All that you have done for the pat 18 years is a great accomplishment. Everything you have instilled into their youth will now begin to pay off for them as they make their way into the ‘real’ world. This is the first great step for you! Give yourself that pat on the shoulder and begin to make time now to pursue new hobbies, create fun and exciting customs. A friend of mine mentioned that she likes to always have something on the calendar to look forward to. This helps to keep her life exciting and pull her through the stressful days. Replace those ‘play dates’ with real dates. Make time with friends to get out, have fun and just socialize as an adult.
There are so many ways to fill the down time that I can’t even begin to word it in a limited space piece. The important thing to remember though, is that ‘now’ is your time and you should make the most valuable use of it.
A chipper mind leads to a happy heart! Don’t allow those sometimes overwhelming emotions to take you over. Take time to find new ways to enjoy the coming years of your life. It will entail adapting to new circumstances, being creative, and doing some soul searching of just ‘who’ you really are and pursuing the things that will complete you as an accomplished person. The empty nest can be an exciting time if we allow ourselves to open up to new surroundings and open our minds to the infinite possibilities once our kids move on.
How are you handling graduation and the potential of the empty nest which will soon affect your life? |
| Editor's Welcome: April 23rd - 30th, 2011
Baby Boomers and the coming wave of retirement
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
It has been difficult for me to stay focused lately with all that has been unfolding around me what with talk of the deficit going into the trillions, a concept I have a very difficult time trying to imagine within my humble lifestyle and meager spending habits.
Then there is the price of gas going through the ceiling, groceries and products going up in price and uncertainties of just where our economy really is heading. For now we will leave out the unraveling of world events! Every time I think I have a plan for saving, which I try to keep on track with, something always seems to come around or an event occurs to make me rethink or re-evaluate my strategy.
Maybe this is a realistic part of planning for such; improvise, adapt and overcome?!
With the Baby Boomer generation hitting the first wave of 65 this year, and the numbers expected to grow rapidly through the coming years, it will be both interesting and maybe a bit scary to see how this will, for the first time in our history, affect Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.
Is it any wonder many Baby Boomers are not prepared for what’s to come?
Truth is, in fact, retirement is sadly becoming an option that many Boomers will not have the opportunity to enjoy at all.
For some, it may well be too late in the game for effective and definitive change in this scenario. I found an interesting article which touches on 401(K) and investment options that could be helpful for those who still have a chance to salvage and maintain the coming years of retirement.
Many things have changed within recent years and so many of us are just unsure of what the future holds and where to wisely turn our attention when it comes to our finances and savings. It may be time for many of us to reposition ourselves and adapt new strategies that will further insure the safety net and nest egg’s of our future.
With so much changing times around us, there is no better a time to make change!
How much consideration have you given to the current statistics of the future of retirement? |
| Editor's Welcome: April 15th - 22nd, 2011
When The Cat Is Away...
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Recently my wife and I journeyed off on vacation. Our primary task was some R&R while house and dog sitting for a friend at her beach bungalow on the central California coast. What a tough gig….someone has to do it! In doing so we left behind our own home and dogs which obviously needed the same set of circumstantial attention. To our rescue came an old familiar presence, here, around the homestead. Someone the dogs knew and adored, someone who knew the ropes, was rehearsed in keeping the wood stove burning on the still cold days and nights. Someone who had ‘been there, done that’….someone we could absolutely depend on and trust.
I can’t speak for all parents, but our own personal experience was that when our son left home to venture out on his own, he would be out to stay. He had determination despite his inexperience on complete independence, and he had the courage to face the “unexpected” and adapt to make things work in his favor. Sure, like many parents we had our moments of concern and did at times worry. But overall we knew he would find the ways and make the moves.
There was also a time where we were reluctant to ask him to stop by to maybe feed the dogs if we were running late getting back home for the night, or keep an eye out on things if we were away for a couple of days. It would seem silly that a parent, one who invested so much time and love in raising the boy could feel like this. But, looking back on it, I think it was because we wanted to give him the space to grow and felt like maybe the last thing he would want to do was revert back to his position in the pack….even if it was only temporary or brief!
Imagine our surprise when he can’t wait to house sit for us! He says, staying here is like being on vacation and staying at an Inn!
If you would have asked either of us a couple of years ago if something like this could happen, we would have simply laughed! But what we discovered are a couple of things that make this arrangement kind of unique. Although still growing, learning and discovering more of himself everyday, he has come a long way in his nearly 3 years of independence out on his own. He has had some room to spread his wings and develop his ways without mom and dad at the reins.
Even though it was difficult at first, as ‘letting go’ always is, it is an accomplished feeling to sit back now and see the changes and to feel the accomplishments. His is attitude and the way he carries himself is so much better these days. The responsibility is present and you can see the humble confidence shine through in his words and actions.
It is often said that home is where the heart is and his very small cramped quarter apartment is something he is happy to be in. But, to be a little more spread out in a home that has taken on some changes since he left it several years ago, being here is apparently a more suitable get away to him! The first time we heard how he felt about house sitting and watching the dogs we were a little shocked. Actually, we didn’t think it would go over so well. But time spent in his old familiar surroundings turned out to be better than we could have anticipated.
This is the 3rd time he has taken on the task of looking over things for us and living here while we were away and it has been great. We don’t worry as much knowing he is here. And he has found a new appreciation for respecting the way we like things done. The first time we came home to a little bit of mini surprises and had to tactfully point out a few things that we preferred be done differently.
The second time was better than the first because he knew what we expected and had more of a plan down as to how to fit his life and needs into our home and ways.
Now, the third time, the program is down!
I believe he feels like a major important role as caretaker and responsible adult. Systems here run as usual without missing too much of a beat and to boot, we can comfortably say that he has had no parties here while we are away! How do we know this you ask? Trust me….we know. Parents always know if they pay attention to key issues and they have a long reaching grasp and can see things from far away!
All in all it has worked out wonderfully and we feel blessed to have him still within range to be able to help us out in this capacity. We realize that this will not always be so. But the fact is, that it helps us out tremendously and more importantly, the growth and development of a new sense of understanding between parents and young adult has been a magical experience. As parents, we spend 18 years instilling values, morals, discipline, insight, and direction into their young and blooming lives only to let them go and pray that when they jump from the nest, they will spread wings and fly. Imagine the satisfaction and joy to see them succeed on their own and to be able to experience their live-in presence, even if brief, once again in the nest that they once called home! For us, it is a very accomplished feeling!
How have your grown children adapted to the evolving parent/child relationship as adults? |
| Editor's Welcome: April 8th - 15th, 2011
Combined Resources: Benefits For All
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
These economically challenging times have surely created obstacles for many, be it the retired, young start families and everyone in between. Some stories have been less than triumphant, while others have been testimony to faith and survival. Many are still hanging in limbo waiting out the storm. Then there are those who have worked a creative alternative to help get themselves out of difficult times and have done so with a beneficial twist.
 One of my aunts and uncle retired long before the housing market and the economy did a belly flop. They own their home, have remained secure and life continues to be simple for these two retirees, who worked hard all of their lives. As they have moved along in their retirement years, they began to have different health issues and have had to be more mindful of their living situation. Those treks up and down the stairs to and from their bedroom each day began to take a toll on their bodies, and other living arrangements were needed within their home to limit the stair climbing activity.
Several years back, one of their daughters, my cousin, and her family found themselves smack in the middle of foreclosure on their home. Like many who have experienced this unfortunate scenario, they were devastated and had to brush off the dust and start from the bottom again. As fate would have it, they found a rental just a few houses down from her parents house. It worked out well being closer to her parents. The closeness and knit of the family fiber made it a happier time for both families facing their own set of challenges.
What ended up happening from there turned out to be not only a terrific idea, but changed the lives of my aunt and uncle. The decision was made to add on a large apartment sized room and a spacious bathroom to the back of their house. This would tie in with the existing family room and back room or office which all became their new living quarters, while the living and dining room as well as the upstairs 3 bedrooms and bathroom became the new home for my cousin and her family. The kitchen is centrally located in the house and mutually accessible from both newly structured living spaces and is a common area for both families.
A move in like this takes patience, commitment and a willingness to give and take, from both parties, and the end result brought about a solution to several issues:
- - There was the chance to help take care of mom and dad with cooking, laundry ect.
- - The new move could enable my cousins family to save some money for the future.
- - It brought about the opportunity for a healthier living alternative for the elders.
- - Above all there is a renewed sense of companionship!
While on vacation this past week in the lower 48, my wife and I stopped in to check out their new ‘pad’ and to visit. We were amazed at the amount of comfortable and usable living space that was available for my aunt and uncle now, likewise my cousins family, with privacy for both families.
Recently my cousin came in and apologized to my uncle for all of the noise her high school aged son was making with his bass guitar as he practiced upstairs. My uncle replied with a simple comment; “are you kidding, I love it! He is fine, don’t worry about it”. My cousin, alarmed, said, “Who are you and what have you done with my father?!”
I guess if there is reason to be found in this small instance, it is that with age has come tolerance and appreciation to the noise of two teens, something that apparently wasn’t so abundant when my cousin and her siblings were young! And, they are just happy to be a part of their daughter and grand kids’lives. It is obvious by their renewed happiness that it has brought them comfort and as I mentioned earlier, companionship in the retired years knowing that they are not alone. I haven’t seen them so happy and smile as much in years….it is like new life has been born into them.
The combining of family resources is not a new idea. In fact many cultures, a long history of immigrants to America, and families caught up in hard economic times of past, have utilized this practice as a way to ‘make it’ through the trying and uncertain times. What impresses me is the closeness within a family to open the doors to this sort of living arrangement and the practicality it is serving to all involved. If the slow economy and unemployment rates drag on will something like this become a more common spot of the times?
How many of us have given thought to the benefits or disadvantages of combining family living arrangements in hard times? If you are in this kind of living arrangement or know of someone who is, tell us about your story. |
| Editor's Welcome: April 1st - 7th, 2011
The Nest Half Full
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The period in which your son or daughter leave the house, the empty nest, is an important time in the lives of both the youth and parent alike. It is a time when your kids set out to carve their own place in the world, and begin their independence.
For parents, it is a time to pursue those endeavors that may have been set aside during the family raising years, or to reconnect with yourself or a spouse and carve out the next stage of your lives. For some…parent and youth alike… this is a much anticipated transition and can go smoothly. Still for others
it can be difficult to let go, or to find the way. No matter, the kids are always a welcomed part of your home and as parents, we live for their return visits after they have moved out!
But what of the nest that seems to remain conveniently semi occupied….the nest half full?
 It is important that we encourage our kids’ independence when they move out on their own. It’s ok to be a part of their experience so long as we don’t begin to interject too much of our ideals and desires into their lives. They should have guidance, but in measured doses and with respect to their needs and ideas of what
independence is to them. They should be allowed to make some mistakes….how else do they learn if they are never exposed to consequences or accountability!
One of the last things we as parents want to do is enable our kids. One downfall of this is that it could potentially make it easy for them to become unaccountable. This can inevitably affect their jobs, personal relationships, and damage our relations with them. Every action has a reaction and so too comes a consequence of such. To allow this basic concept to be swept under the carpet, it encourages them to set the scale lower than would be if they had to be more aware of their actions. Gone on unchecked, this sort of enablment could manifest into an environment of stress, and a sense of defeat for both parents and their kids.
For instance, we as parents could begin to embark on a road of self guilt, blaming ourselves for “where we went wrong raising our kids”. Our kids may become so reliant on us as parents that they could begin to feel and believe they are not completely capable of seeing things through or maintaining goals by themselves.
The potential sense of frustration or failure created by all of this may tend to make time spent together dicey, and all of a sudden those cherished visits, for example, become less than desired. I have always believed that it is not the length of the visit so much as the quality of time spent together, so we need to make every moment count!
In unison, visits home should be welcomed and cherished. Obviously, a visit from a son or daughter who is further away than one say within the same town or city plays a big factor in how often they come around. But whether they come from near or far, they should recognize and respect limits. The young adults need to recognize and respect the fact that this is now their parents‘ home. There is a difference between a visit and a part time live-in! Coming around with the attitude like they still live there could become disrespectful to the personal and private needs of the parents. Now, some may say; “but, they are always welcome no matter what….”
This is true! However, there are limits that must be recognized and respected. This is something they will experience in all facets of life, and now, on their own, is a good time to start.
Our son has a key to the house and is welcomed in whether or not we are there. But this privilege doesn’t come without responsibility and a couple of simple rules to assure our privacy, our independence, and his safety. For example, walking in on mom and dad running amok in the ‘natural’ could be a potential bad scene….likewise, him being mistaken for an intruder could be worse!
Rule #1: call before you pop in!
He is welcomed to grab a snack if he is over, but don’t clean us out, and if you dirty any dishes, at very least rinse them and put them in the sink and clean up after yourself. Typically, he is very helpful when he comes over and respects our ‘home’. But, this wasn’t always the case and did require setting some limits
or at least making him cognizant that this is now indeed, ‘our home’…our sanctuary. He is welcome anytime, but as harsh as this may sound to some; “you are a visitor now!”
Our intentions, as parents, are good and arise out of the unconditional love we feel for our kids, but we need to make sure we don’t go overboard or allow ourselves to become too complacent. Just as in the years of raising the family, there are adjustments to be made in order to meet new needs and demands accordingly of both parent and young adult. It takes time and in some cases some patience and understanding, but the shift into the empty nest process can be a fulfilling experience and a nurturing growth into a new stage of life for both parties!
What are some experiences you have had with a nest half full? |
| Editor's Welcome: March 15th - 31st, 2011
Better Health and a Happier Future
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Within the past decade, my wife and I have become so much more aware of what we eat and how we take care of ourselves. It is fact that the more aware we are, the better we continue to feel. There was a time in our lives that we weren’t so concerned. I believe that this is probably a natural course for many. You get a little up in age….you start to compensate as you become more aware of your age.
Eating better, more exercise….like this is an earth shattering revelation. Yet it is interesting to me how many people, older or younger, just don’t pay too much attention. With convenience on all levels of life on the rise these days, and our schedules or daily regimens riding on overload, it is so easy to lose sight of such
an important aspect of life.
Your health!
My wife has always been the ‘guru’ of healthy eating around the household. She has become the wizard of perfecting meals with ‘a little less of this….a little bit of that because it is better for you’. Trust me, I never go hungry and often times find meals not only delicious, but very satisfying with less agony from over indulgence. It is amazing that a lite meal can be so tasty. It’s a concept that years ago I would have…could have, never imagined much less wanted to.
She has fine tuned her skills and become so much more educated on just what it is that we as a people are really being fed. Some of the things I have learned, are to say the least, shocking! She is taking all that she is learning and using it proactively for our benefit. I have noticed myself , how much less of certain items we buy when grocery shopping, or for that matter how certain isles have just been cut out of our grocery store mapping.
Take for instance the veggie and fruit section. A simple fact that she brought up to me lately was to remember back when we were younger., how certain fruits and vegetables were just not an option in certain seasons. Now, to the delight of some, this is not the case anymore. Open trade and vast imports have allowed us to get virtually any veggie at any time of the year. But we are learning through simple awareness and research that this is not necessarily as healthy a benefit as we would like to think.
Where am I going with all of this?
We are concerned with the future. Being self employed most of our lives, health insurance has never really been a viable option for us. About the time we were beginning to pay as much as our mortgage each month for insurance, was about the time we had to make a conscious decision to let it go. Especially considering the fact that, thank God, we have always been very healthy with very little to no doctor visits. Besides, insurance doesn’t cover alternative healing, something that we have always believed in and lived by!
My wife figured that prevention had to be the better angle for us. We are both losing weight, not through diet, pills, or trendy means, but merely eating better food which equates to filling up more efficiently as opposed to empty carbs for instance. Eating less portions and just overall being more aware of how and what we consume.
And it is working.
Too many diets and other miracle methods will lose the weight but will always seems to find it’s way back with a vengeance. The earlier mentioned makes you feel better. When you feel better, you are more motivated and willing to explore exercise options.
Her logic is that we may not be able to rely on health care so we need to keep the weight down, eat better consistently, and get into more exercise. This winter she has become an exercise lunatic! Something as simple as multiple yoga sessions weekly since last winter has strengthened muscles, brought out muscles she never knew she had, helped her to drop the weight which has made her so much more active and motivated this winter. So much so that she made the decision to run a marathon this fall! Now if you would have asked me if she would ever run a marathon a couple of years ago….
In as little as two years, we have both come such a long way with health conscientiousness. We can only continue to reap the tremendous benefits of such a wonderful lifestyle modification and hope that in the future it will continue to pay off with excellent health and activeness. It’s a concept that we gave little
thought to in our youth.
What are some of the ways you are effectively modifying your habits to a healthier way of life? |
| Editor's Welcome: March 1st - 15th, 2011
Value, and the Early Bird Special
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The other night, a controversy took place right here in our kitchen with my son and wife over $5.00. On the side of the value of $5.00 was my wife, which I silently backed up on her reasoning. In the other corner, treating the $5.00 as if it were some kind of discardable piece of food packaging was our son. The principle: Is it worth the extra effort to save $5.00 off a ticket price since he is a student, as opposed to paying the regular ‘adult’ price.
The local performers guild was putting on a musical presentation in town and my wife and I along with our son and his girlfriend decided it would be a fun Saturday night out. Our sons reasoning was that “it is only $5.00” and it wasn’t worth it to try and prove that he and she were college students since they didn't have their student ID‘s with them.
In the end, we all bought tickets at the door, and his merely stating that he and his girlfriend were students was enough to get them both the $5.00 discount per ticket. There are still a few places in this country were
“your word” is good enough for honorable!
This small incident brought up a conversation with my wife and I, or rather, rekindled a frequent discussion that we have on how money and the value of saving sometimes seems to be an issue with our son. For instance, he will claim that going out to eat is cheaper than making meals at home. In truth, this is more of a
convenience than a matter of affordability whether he admits it or not.
To catch the ’Rise & Shine special’ at the café or the early bird platter at the dinner house can seem like a really cheap meal in itself. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a package of bacon, a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and maybe a package of hash browns as opposed to actual potatoes, for the lazier connoisseur, is about what it costs for that Rise & Shiner for two, and is enough to have breakfast, for two, for the next 5 days! In context, add up the savings for that 5 days of not eating breakfast out and you have gas for the week. Dinners may not be as cheap as breakfast, but casserole's, or simple ‘stand-bys’ are again a cheaper bet to eating out more frequently and the money saved, again, my amount to paying a bill or two for the month.
Now it’s not like they eat out daily, in their defense. But there is a simple point to it. $5.00 may not seem much in itself, but in today’s economy it all adds up and pinching and scrimping should be a priority to the younger generation in college or out on their own for the first time. It’s not like we didn’t instill this important value in him when he was at home. We did, and he was a “saving” fool!
He worked with us summers and holidays when possible as early as 12 years old, collected aluminum cans and would cash them in. He had jobs at both the local restaurant and at the ski lodge when he was 15 and 16 years old and did periodic work with a contractor friend of ours. He has never been afraid of honest and hard work, and has seen first hand what saving your money does. At age 17 he bought his first truck with his own saved money, which cost him $5500. It was all a result of those years of hard work and saving.
So, where does the belief that $5.00 isn’t any big deal come from?
Personally, when I went out on my own, my kitchen was fully equipped, stocked and utilized daily. A few of us friends would pitch in and buy ingredients for dinners at my place. One weekly delight, for example, was to make a huge batch of Spanish rice and filling for unlimited tacos and have a ‘taco feed’ once a week. Eating out wasn’t an option for me. My wife, she was smart. She moved to Puget Sound in Washington when she was out for the first time. Every morning, she would drop her crab pot off of the deck and come home from work to find fresh crab on her dinner plate. Macaroni & Cheese with crab became a main staple when money was tight!
If nothing else, it all makes for an opportunity to throw in parental virtue when he complains that he is “broke as a joke”. As he struggles into the world on his own he does make those financial decisions that we can only cringe at and compliment him on the ones that are wise….and hope that the later, one day soon outweighs the other!
What are some of the spending habits you see with your kids who are out on their own? Sometimes as parents, we want to step in and tell them where they are going wrong, but it is important for us to step back and let them make their mistakes and savor their victories. It is difficult, but necessary for their growth and
independence."
At what point have you, as a parent, stepped in to help avert financial disaster with your son or daughters?!" |
| Editor's Welcome: Feb. 15th - 28th, 2011
The top 10 destinations for the winter loving retiree
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
With definitive signs of winter still very present throughout the United States, it is sometimes difficult for some to imagine an end to it all and to savor the scents, sounds, sights and sensation of the coming spring. This winter seems, so far, to have been a hard run for most areas with continued snowstorms and the excessive cold which is rampant and unforgiving. What usually accompanies these conditions are the cries and complaints of sun worshipers and folks who would rather be soaking in the beach air in perhaps, Maui!
But what of the segment of society that craves the beauty and subtle peace that comes with ‘old man winter’? Yes, as hard as it is to believe there are those who would rather enjoy a warm fire, watching the snow flakes flutter to the ground, or, take in some skiing, ice skating, snow shoeing or maybe just a walk in nature amongst the wintry bliss. And who better to spotlight with this scenario than the ones who have the most time and resolve to commit to such winter wonderland getaways, but the winter warrior retiree!
According to US News, there are 10 top places in the U.S. that retirees seem to flock to for the enjoyment of the cold snowy life, winter sports, and winter relaxation. The author’s reasoning is simple; for most workers there is the need to keep up on shoveling the driveway, for example, in order to function in day to day necessities. For the retiree, it is much easier to just stay in and ‘pour that second cup of coffee' and enjoy the day through a window! In my personal experience, it is difficult to find the elder portion of society who love to endure the winter life. But, there are a few retired folks out there that enjoy all the
physical drive and emotional sanctity that winter has to offer.
Here are the top 10 winter wonderland getaways:
1. Juneau, Alaska.
2. Portland, Maine.
3. Salt Lake City, Utah.
4. Burlington, Vermont.
5. Manchester, New Hampshire.
6. Minneapolis, Minnesota.
7. Aurora, Colorado.
8. Marquette, Michigan.
9. Syracuse, New York.
10. South Bend, Indiana.
For those who are feint of heart where snow is concerned, these may be some fairly intimidating locations to spend a winter in retirement. But for the snow bunnies and the cold weather junkies, these may turn out to be all of next winters’ rave and I recommend you check out the information the articles' author took the time to share with us.
Where are some of the cold locations you like to migrate to for the
winter season? For those of us who appreciate the big chill….we are anxious to find out! |
| Editor's Welcome: Feb. 8th - 15th, 2011
Changes in Tradition
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
In my younger years, I was a little romantic. The traditional roses and chocolate, a nice dinner out at the type of restaurant a young man could only afford once a year, and essentially took about everything he made in a year's time to pull it all off. On occasion, a cute cuddly stuffed Teddy Bear or a piece of jewelry may have even been in the equation! No matter the person, Valentines Day was the day to show love for the one in my life.
These days things are a bit different.
Mind you, it is still a symbolic day of showing your love. But the way I see it is that roses are over priced, wilt and die. The last time I gave chocolate it cost me, in addition, a 3 month membership at the local health club to work off all of the calories I was responsible for creating. Well, ok…there was no health club membership really, but lets say that metaphorically, this is how I felt every time the box of chocolate was opened and I was reminded of how “we really don’t need these”.
In lieu of all of this as well as appreciating the smaller and finer points of life these days, I…we, really don’t
need to go all out with traditional gifts and such to celebrate our love for one another.
I know that besides birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day and the like, my incredibly awesome wife is adorned with gifts and showered with love throughout the year, not exclusively on a given day. Not only the gifts and such that make a girl flutter with joy, but things of a more intimate nature like random acts of love, thoughts and words that support every facet of our relationship. Not just one date night a week but sometimes several, like when we were kids. Things like, the ability to listen. Not only listen to the problems that she had that day, or issues with her job, but listening to what she is saying; not just with words but her expressions and emotions, a tone in her voice maybe…you can hear a lot when you close your ears and mouth, and open your eyes and mind.
However, a surprise or a treat are essential for keeping the relationship alive.
Last year on Valentines Day, as well as going out for dinner in town, she was given the wood flooring she has wanted since we moved into our current home. When we moved in, the place needed some serious updating. It has been and will continue to be an ongoing project for some time, but the one thing she kept stating was how she wished we could scrap the outdated filthy carpet that the previous owner had let her pets have their way with. Naturally, our 3 dogs on occasion would do their thing on the carpet, mindlessly, because they could smell that other dogs had done the same. It’s a ‘dog’ thing that we will need Caesar Milan to make sense of.
The night of Valentines Day, and trust me when I tell you this was not staged, we came home from dinner and one of the dogs had gotten sick on the carpet while we were gone. So, not really wanting to clean it…or worse… up as we had done so many times in the past, I had my wife go out to the garage and get a utility knife for me, and when she returned, thinking I was blowing hot air and wouldn’t do it, I cut the carpet around the puke right there in front of her with her mouth agape, and threw it away….carpet piece and all! Ironically, I cut it out in the shape of a heart. The next day we went on a date to go find the wood flooring of her choice.
Unfortunately, due to a very busy year with my business, other projects that needed to be done before the flooring could be put down, as well as other unavoidable circumstances, my gift to her this year may well be to actually install the flooring! Oops! In my defense, and she would back me up; the lack of progress has
had nothing to do with laziness. And, I was just kidding about the installation as a gift. Reality is that we are right about now ready to install it….ironically one year later, on Valentines Day! Last years gift was unexpected, and a little untimely but nonetheless went over well.
Please, tell me that I…we, are not the only couple who celebrate our love in such a casual way on this traditional day of the celebration of love?
We would… love… for you to share some ideas of maybe non traditional ways to share the day. One suggestion I heard the other day was, sharing the gift of art. For two artists, this actually sounded like a neat idea! Take and make a date to an art gallery, do lunch and then buy one another a piece of art that each one finds to their delight and calling. What ways do you celebrate this day of celebration
of love with your spouse?
What ways do you celebrate this day of love with your spouse? |
| Editor's Welcome: Feb. 1st - 7th, 2011
How does the lack of a good 'challenge' affect you?
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
One of the common qualities of winter is that it’s a time for rest and inactivity. It’s a time for all life to hibernate and regenerate; find peace and solace in the chance to rest from the world and life’s stresses and strife. Nowhere has this been more apparent to me than here in Alaska.
The long dark cold days of winter provide the perfect ingredients for a time of cessation and deep thought. But lately, I fear that the thoughts and excessive rest have become a point of indecision for some, in our circle of friends.
Plagued with too much time on his hands and lack of social activity has put one man we know into a bit of a quandary. As of late, he has began a pro and con list for leaving Alaska, permanently, and going back to his home state of Maine. His wife works here locally, and he spends his days at home, retired, fixing, maintaining and keeping up on the house and the property they live on. It’s a good life for him and he has stated his profound love for this state, the area, and the place they reside. But in the darkest recesses of winter, this past December he found himself just wanting to travel outside and see friends and family back in Maine.
Nothing in his daily rituals and norms seemed to keep him satisfied.
Another couple we know, who both recently retired, decided to part from their California home and spend the majority of the winter here, at their Alaska Igloo. Used to being here only during the summer when the daylight is abundantly long and with plenty of outdoor activities, their quest to live here full time persuaded them to try it out this winter and see how they fare. Mind you, as a kid he called Alaska “home“ with his family, so it‘s not entirely new to him, just a different stage of life. But alas, I fear that boredom has began to upset the balance of life for them.
Besides never knowing what day it is, staying up until the wee hours of the morning and then sleeping in until 11:00AM, for him, there just seems to be a bit of a void in his stride these days.
Then, the other day my wife had a deep discussion with her yoga instructor who, although technically not retired, she could easily say that ‘time is on her side’! The talk they had that day shed some light on the situation that seems to be creating such a ruckus in the lives of some of our retired friends. The one thing that seems to be the common denominator in all three scenarios here is….the lack of challenge. After hearing what my wife relayed back to me on the subject and the conversation with her friend, it makes sense. However, as in most any situation, I imagine that it all depends on the person and circumstances as to how things affect that person.
The first individual worked much of his life in a mill. Now, these days find him doing honey-do’s and other chores around home, which occupies his time, but lacks the comradery of fellow workers, cranking out production, deadlines and the like that he has been used to the majority of his working days.
Our other two friends both used to be on a city police force. He a peace officer and she a crime analyst; both of them no doubt ever had a dull moment from day to day and the routine was never the same. Now, essentially new to the retirement gig, they are seeking out means of other interests, taking advantage of down time and finding that possibly the lack of challenge may be what they miss the most.
The yoga instructor used to work in the food industry and as well, she was a photographer. Surely, these two lines of work found her on the go constantly, with high expectations, deadlines and a certain level of stress. To balance ones self in these kinds of settings takes a person who has incredible patience and the
ability to create and maintain perimeters to stay on task no matter the immediate circumstances at hand and to be able to multi task. These days, with her husband working abroad a month on/a month off, her abundance of time finds her lacking what she knew best in her active working years.
For me, personally, I can see where lack of challenge makes me cranky, unsettled and feeling incomplete. I have worked diligently and hard all of my life, I am methodical when taking on tasks or problem solving and accomplish much with logic and organization. The challenge for me will be to find ways to occupy my time in both the physical sense as well as socially, to grace my days with….well, challenges!
Recently, this past summer, this fact was affirmed when I went down to the lower 48 to help out my father with a major undertaking. There were levels of down time I would experience, due to prevalent circumstances, where I found myself feeling a little useless and at times frustrated. I felt like I was unable to set a realistic goal, jump in and focus my intent on accomplishing any given portion of the task at hand. It was not until I was given the green light to cut loose that, I got the ‘eye of the tiger’, put my head down and went full force into accomplishing the major project I set out to do. The outcome was huge, and a point of self satisfaction to me. It was a challenge that I met it with determination and eventual resolve. Yes dad, we did wonders that week, didn‘t we!
How many of us, retired or not, have given thought to how a simple concept like, “challenge“, can drive us and how the lack of challenge may affect us? From what I have witnessed lately and experienced myself, it may definitely be something worth checking into. We may find that a good challenge is what drives us and just what the retired life needs.
What challenges have you faced that made you a stronger or better person? |
| Editor's Welcome: Jan. 22nd - 31st, 2011
The Household of One
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The Household Of One.
With February nearly upon us, the time to start thinking of Valentines Day is near. When most of us think of Valentines Day I believe that we tend to envision couples, dating, roses, love, and all of the romance and mushy stuff that comes with the territory. And for good reason. But how many of us associate this day of
love with the empty nest? To expand on that thought, how many of us will associate this day and what it represents, with an empty nest household of one?
Being a single parent takes a very unique individual. It isn’t always easy for a single parent raising kids on their own. Typically, many sacrifices are made financially and family oriented experiences such as vacations, and other extra curricular activities may be forfeited. I witnessed this first hand when I was younger, with a friend of mine. His mom, a single parent, did her best to provide a good life and opportunities for him, and it was seldom an easy road for either of them. But we have to give a ‘hats off’ to the single parent and the pride they will experience in seeing their kids take off on their own to meet the challenges of the big world. The payoff of all of that hard work will be seeing their son or
daughter succeed in their personal endeavors!
So here you are, the single parent, pretty much alone as your son and/or daughter has moved out and began their new lives. You nurtured them, provided in all ways for their well being, and passed on what ‘life’ skills you could to help them for this day of their new found freedom. But there is a unique situation born of this day on their departure from home. Now, as well, you are free!
Gone are the days that may have had a schedule to maintain around your kids for so many years, and had to maybe work long or extra hours to bring home the necessary finances for the families well being along with all of the responsibilities that come with the position of being the sole provider. Trying to conceive an empty nest household of one could well seem like a lonely time to most people. But on the contrary, this may well be a time to expand on all of those things you always wanted to do as a single parent but couldn’t.
This newfound freedom with the house empty may prove to allow the chance to do things with that special person that may have otherwise been off limits before, or difficult to pursue, with all of the standard parental obligations. But what of the single parent that is truly alone?
Being alone isn’t always so bad. In fact, there are many people who prefer this and may well embrace this status come Valentines Day. A night out treating yourself to dinner and a movie, catching live music at a coffee house, meeting with a friend who may be in a similar circumstance, or, maybe just a quiet night at home may be just what the doctor ordered for the single parent experiencing the household of one.
The opportunities for this circumstance seem to be vast. With no strings no commitments and no real responsibilities, a single mom or dad experiencing being alone for the first time can virtually create an array of ways to spend this Valentines Day or any other day for that matter. It can be a time to explore your inner self or expand on a creative outlet. Maybe take up the instrument that you always wanted to play but never had the time or finances to do. That dream tropical vacation that seemed so far from reach may now be a little more realistic.
The possibilities are vast and the opportunity may be knocking on your door. This stands to be determined by the unique qualities of each individual and their personal circumstances. Rest assured, the season is ripe with possibilities and opportunities, and they are all within reach for the household of one, on this first empty nest Valentines Day...
Are you a household of one? |
| Editor's Welcome: Jan. 15th - 22nd, 2011
The Retired 'Time' Junkie
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Tonight, shortly after walking in the door from a day of work thus ending a long week, I received a phone call from a friend of ours. He retired a little less than a year ago, very willingly, and has behaved very similar to a teenager, short of graduating high school, ever since.
This is how the call went:
- Me: “Hey, what are you up to youngster”?
- Him: “Nothing.”
- Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I just walked in the door and feel that I will be doing the same ’nothing’ here in a few minutes.”
- Him: “Oh.”
- Me: “The distinct difference is that…you can!”
- Him: [boisterous laughter] “We were wanting to know if you guys want to go see a movie tonight.”
- Me: “Sure. What and when?”
- Him: “I don’t know….what day is it? Oh, I think it’s Friday… Uhh…”
- Me: (thinking quietly to myself, “dude, you need to get a life…again!”)
I think you can see where this is leading. To appreciate the nature of the beast, or in this case the personality of the character, you would have to know the guy to see the utter humor in it all. Seldom does he react with much seriousness to any given situation, primarily because he really doesn’t have to! He takes his retirement for all it’s worth….and makes sure to let you know about it!
He reminds me of our son not too many years ago when he was constantly “bored”, or, of someone who has way too much time on his hands and far too much relaxation happening! I suppose that he has earned the right…..but I can still laugh at him!
In fact, I find it comical that from time to time I will get calls through the day from retirees I know just wanting to see what time of day it is, who is President this year, or just shoot the breeze…and usually all while I am working, trying to make my honest dues. It cracks me up how they will forget that others are still supporting the economy and ‘working like the working man do.’ Yet, it affects them not, because, all they know is that they aren’t working and that is that. Too funny!
Personally I just humor the calls and the lack of attention to the detail of opposite lifestyles. Being self employed it is easier to keep them company on the phone for a brief period if I can talk rather than to point out to them their responsibilities under the ‘Handbook For The Recently Retired‘, chapter 12, sub-section B, paragraph 2, which states something to the effect: “…recognize that you no longer share a equivocally balanced existence to those in your circle who are still working class…” And continues to go something like….”maybe it is best to call after 5:00PM if it is not an earth shattering event you absolutely need to
discuss with the working class living.”
Keep in mind it is all comical to me. I don’t mention names, but, if you read this you all know who you are. To me at least, it almost enforces my observation that as we get older, quit possibly we regress as we find more time on our hands. In this case, laughingly comparing the antics and tomfoolery of a 65 year old retired man to that of a 16 year old teen, would most certainly lead most to believe that some kind of similarity of way too much available time, is most definitely at play….”play” being the key word here! Oh, the stories could go on, and with several other individuals and personalities that fall into this category.
So why stop here?
Because I have to go start dinner so we can get out the door on time to drive into town and see a movie at the local movie house with friends. Other than a good book in front of the fire, there isn’t much else happening on a frigid dark Alaska evening in January. So, I leave it up to you, the reader, the retiree in training, or the seasoned veteran of time on your side. We would enjoy hearing any funny stories, or serious issues of how your time is spent and whether or not you recognize ‘the working living’ when retirement is the only life you know.
What I am dieing to know is: Do the retired really forget their previous life of work and become oblivious to those who still do? Feel free to share your tales or, maybe just set straight the truth of the matter! After all, you're retired…it’s not like you don’t have the time...
Share your pre or post retirement story with us. |
| Editor's Weclome: Jan. 8th - 15th, 2011
Empty Nest New Year Changes
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
With 2010 done and gone…but not forgotten…2011 is here upon us. Many people are running around making those New Year resolutions to lose weight, work out, be nice not mean and the list goes on. I heard one youngster the other day state that his “New Yerts restolutingion” was going to be to eat his vegetables at dinner time! You go boy…make Popeye proud!
For some, 2011 will be a unique time. This past fall their son or daughter may have went off to college or a tech school away from home. For others this may be the beginning of the empty nest because their son or daughter moved out got married and is starting their own life. I am sure there are well other reasons that many folks may find themselves hearing their own echo in the home due to it being a little less full this time of year!
So, I thought to myself that it would be a really cool deal if new and seasoned empty nesters alike, took a proactive stance to start the New Year with some beneficial resolutions that may change the way they perceive their now silent abode, or find new ways to curb those feelings that will often overwhelm some people who are experiencing the empty nest for the first time.
Maybe you are a couple who will make a New Years resolution to spend more time with each other and re-acquaint what one anothers' needs are now that your lifestyle has been altered slightly. Many of our personal needs change as our surroundings change.
For the single parent, your son or daughter…your BFF… may be gone now and you feel a little lonely or lost emotionally. Now would be a great time to make a resolution to find social activities with like minded adults to share some of that time with. My wife recently read about a group of singles that get together once a week and do snowshoeing treks as a group, and sometimes even at night under a full moon! What a rush, and a chance to make new friends!
It wasn’t the ‘New Year’ when our son moved out, but we completely renovated and remodeled his large bedroom and turned it into a den/music room/ workout room…a place for my wife and I to share quiet time, spiritual awakenings and some good positive energy. Right now just may be the time to make a resolution to do those upgrades, remodels or further utilization of those otherwise hollow rooms.
Many people seem to get pumped about starting the New Year on the right track. For some, the motivation is life changing. Still for others, the charge fizzles and “life” once again takes over. But I would believe that whether you are just now experiencing a new course of life, or maybe you are somewhat of a veteran at it, there may be no better time than the present to add some zest to your relationship, some pep to your stride, or some new energy to a space in your home. There is just something to be said about the New Year and a new start! Whatever your situation, now is the time to grab life, make a personal change and replace that time honored energy that may now be missing in your world!
What will you New Year's Resolution be in the empty nest? |
| Editor's Welcome: Jan. 1st - 7th, 2011
The Impending Boom!
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Just days after the Christmas day feast and festivities subsided I read an article from the Personal Finance Writer of the AP regarding the current trend and impending situation jeopardizing savings and retirement.
According to the writer, starting in January 10,000 baby boomers a day will turn 65 for the next 19 years. While being credited to their impact on trends and society early on, they are being discredited for the lack of savings and preparation for the retirement years. Coupled with bad timing from the recent economy and it’s effects on housing, pensions and stocks, it seems this current situation may redefine retirement. Once again the boomers are trend setting pioneers?
Aside from the economy and the likes of which we really cannot immediately change to our financial advantage, there is the matter of savings or lack of. Another potential trend that may have made an impact in this situation is the spending trends of baby boomers experiencing the newly empty nest. It seems that many baby boomers have tended to change their personal spending and finance practices after the kids leave the nest. Instead of using this time to re-adjust their finances to savings and/or retirement, many boomers set their sights on shifting this available income to personal spending and lifestyle sprees; a time to spend money on themselves now that the kids have moved on.
The story goes on to say that the coming troubles don’t stop at bad savings and spending habits. The amount of boomers reaching out to Social Security at the age of 62 locks them into a lower benefit amount than if they could have waited a while longer, but it seems that they really have no choice as a result of bad spending habits and lack of savings to prepare for retirement. Also at risk is the percentage of boomers and retiree’s that have a large mortgage debt. Never mind the constant increased costs of medical care!
So where does this leave us all now?
It certainly does appear to have a very dim outlook on our futures, and the implications will certainly far exceed the here and now.
One thing that my wife and I realized when the nest sounded the ‘all clear’, was that, yes, we indeed seemed to have some extra coin floating around our budget! A fact that our son still can’t grasp as he is in denial that he ever really cost us any money! But in reality, he did, and now that he doesn’t we have re-focused our financial priorities. Not only have we began concentrating some of this saved money into savings, but we have actively attacked our debt with a goal to eliminate it asap.
In my personal cross-hairs is the mortgage debt. As we age, my hope is that we will have no mortgage to have to worry about, not only freeing up income to other living expenses, but being able to use the house to our financial advantage should we decide to downsize or relocate. More immediately, money being used to pay down accrued credit card debt or loans can soon be used, say, to invest in real estate. Lets face it, real property will make a comeback and I believe it still holds the most stable return for your investment.
On January 1st I will wake up and tune into the Rose Parade, a New Years Day tradition since childhood! But while I watch the rosy, flowery splendor before me on the TV screen…and I promise you although we could have spent on that new big screen HDTV we chose to stick it out with the old cathode ray in order to save….one thought that will more than likely floor me is that on that day, 10,000 people will be 65 years old….and it won’t stop there!
Retirement may well be in a state of perpetual change potentially for the worse, but it is never too late for us to re-adapt our strategies to create a future of wise spending and frugal savings.
What are ways that you could start saving come this New Year? |
| Editor's Welcome: Dec. 15th - 31st, 2010
The Temporary Holiday Retiree
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
I read a post here on stage Of Life the other night that brought what my focus already was, to this week's Editor segment, to a screaming halt. After reading this particular post, I began to ponder on one of the subjects that the writer brought forth: Temporary holiday work and the retiree.
I remember years ago when one of my favorite aunts, my aunt Mary, had retired from her full time job and later, sought out temp work during the Christmas holiday. Then I thought back further, several years out of high school, when I was between jobs and actively searching for some kind of full time employment, ironically during the holidays, and was only able to find part time seasonal work that would end after Christmas. Two things took place in both of these scenarios: my aunts age in comparison with younger applicants, and me, a young applicant that could have taken any number of jobs…for only a month or so, before being laid off.
The beauty of his story was the fact that he was retired, bored and needed some extra coin and sought out temp work at a local large scale distributor. But he went in on the plan with his grandson in mind, as the two of them got jobs together at the same place! I thought that was just too cool. The stories they will have to tell, the bonding and learning about each other through the experience seems a unique scene! Here you have a retiree, more then likely up on age from the pool of younger workers looking for work, a youth who is taking on his first job even if it is temporary…with his grandfather setting an example of work ethic and responsibility. To boot, all in a job market and economy that is on shaky ground at best.
Lets face it, many retirees find too much time on their hands and the need for some extra cash and this is a year round situation. But how has this concept affected retirees this year with the jobless rate high and many Americans hesitant to spend money? The competition and demand for jobs is greater than it’s ever been. But then again it is only temporary work we are talking about here. How is this aspect looked upon by potential applicants of any age? Does the fact that it is primarily temporary as opposed to full time employment during the holidays discourage the average job seekers from applying for such positions?
Then there is the economy.
How are people spending their money this year? I know a guy who works in the food industry full time and has found himself going home early and taking more days off than usual because this year, folks are cutting ‘going out to dinner’ out of their budget. But could you imagine taking on a job that you know is only temporary in the first place and possibly losing more hours due to lack of sales? Mind you the upbeat spirit of this mans story leads me to believe that these scenarios are not the basis of this man and his grandson's holiday temp experience, in fact they are serving maximum part time hours as opposed to less. But it all brought some serious points and questions to my mind in regards to the retiree and holiday temporary employment.
I would honor any stories that people may have to share in regards to this subject, be it retiree or otherwise whether it is a personal experience or one of someone you may know. This gentleman stated that he would report back to possibly elaborate on this experience, and divulge how it all worked out for he and his grandson. I can’t wait for the follow up!
In the meantime I encourage you to take a moment and click the above link to read this man's story. We here at Stage Of Life appreciate and encourage the sharing of personal experience and life’s stories!
How are you spending your money this year? |
| Editor's Welcome: Dec. 7th - Dec. 14th, 2010
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers,  to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
The Mystery of Christmas
A discussion about holiday stress
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Each week as I go about my daily rituals, ideas flow on what my weekly topic will be as an Editor for Stage Of Life. This week, as I realized that it is December and Christmas is near, all thoughts went into a systems overload. But not so much because of the fact that it is the Christmas time of year. More so because there is so much that could be said and shared in regards to the holidays and the array of emotional impacts it can have on people. I may well have to focus the next few weeks of Editor segments on some of these thoughts to ponder, as they are too many for one sitting!
This afternoon my wife brought up the term ‘balance’ in regards to everyday life. In our conversation my thoughts lent her ideals to dealing with the what I consider to be one of the mysteries of Christmas….”holiday stress!”
 When I think back to the many nativity scenes that I’ve seen throughout the years, I find it hard to picture these scenes bearing an element of stress within them. In fact, I have always found them quite peaceful. So where did this “stress” come from and how did it make it’s way into part of the tradition of Christmas? An age old question that spans generations, and an answer that will more than likely be hard to come by. But what can we do to alleviate some of the holiday stress in our own lives and personal space?
Since our son moved out on his own, Christmas is different in our home; much more low-keyed, and Santa just winks instead of stopping in as he cruises his herd and sleigh overhead. But, looking back at it, even before the transitions of the empty nest, we opted out of the whole ‘holiday stress’ scene. My simple mind set with it has been, acceptance…or not! People choose to accept things into their lives that are…well, acceptable. As well, we can choose to draw the line on those things that we find unacceptable. My personal choice is that stress, overall, is an unacceptable emotion to me, be it the holidays or otherwise.
Does this mean I am exempt from tension and walk around a carefree soul with a perpetual grin on my head? Hardly! But, the mind set does promote peace in my personal space that often will rub off on those around me, and can be directed back to me, emanating an ebb and flow of tranquility in social situations. Sound far fetched? The most difficult process is remaining calm in the face of tense situations. The harder process is to create a stress free space. The best part of it all is that I can relax and enjoy the festivities abound during the holiday season.
My wife’s personal favorite is living her life as best she can with balance, priorities and a guiltless existence. Again, this is practiced on a daily basis and most certainly has helped to ease and eliminate the stress associated with the Christmas holiday. She finds balance by setting limits, budgeting her time each day realistically and finding time for personal endeavors to offset the demands of the day, such as a good walk, yoga, or reading time. This helps her to stay balanced and focused. Taking on tasks with attention to their relevance with what’s going on at the time and their importance to the overall picture is her way of prioritizing and keeping some personal sanity. She is a stickler for lists and staying on task as this all helps to keep things in priority.
Through some personal experience and observation of others around her throughout her life, she has noticed a pattern of guilt, usually self induced, when things don’t happen like they should or don’t go the way they are expected to. Simply; people tend to put more expectation on themselves than they are capable of handling, and when the outcome is less than their desire, there seems to be an emotional meltdown that creates self guilt for the failure. Keeping this guilt out of the equation is a much more satisfying experience overall and keeps a much healthier outlook and attitude!
This brings to mind a question...
Is it possible that we could begin a new cycle of taking the “stress” out of the holidays, by showing through example to our kids, that this time of year was not meant to put so much overload and emotional crisis into peoples lives?
Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means any kind of playing down the holidays, but more so a different look and experience into what the holidays are supposed to be about and a way to maybe savor the flavor of the Christmas time of year.
I often wonder how our son and his future wife will handle the holiday season.
Will everything we have instilled in him and the examples we have set in our own household help set a precedence on how his household enjoys the season? How have you raised your kids in relation to the Christmas holiday and what it stands for? Do you feel that you’ve succeeded at showing by example ways to key down stress associated with Christmas cheer and if so, how? We would love to hear your stories and opinions on this ’mystery of Christmas’!
How do you relieve holiday stress?
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| Editor's Welcome: Dec. 1st - Dec. 7th, 2010
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers,  to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
The Golden Road!
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
I just read about a man who was retired and homeless. Apparently, he was homeless not for the lack of money, but rather because he wanted out from where he was and didn't know where he wanted to go now. He sold everything he owned, took his dog and jeep and set out for a destination...unknown. Ah…63, the free spirit, and no idea where he is going. Sounds like the plot of a good movie. But try to imagine for a moment the feelings…the mixed feelings…the fear, the excitement, the sadness and bliss of letting everything go, taking your dog and heading to...somewhere?!
I once knew an acquaintance who made a conscious decision to retire early, and follow the Grateful Dead for a good 15 years...that I knew of! I didn't know his name, but Deadheads lovingly referred to him as ‘Cosmic Charlie’. I don’t think even he knew his real name, come to think of it...but he was a happy soul...who had a perpetual smile on his face. Oh, to be able to spend the golden years of your life following your favorite rock band from town to town with no strings, no worries and...“nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.“
During a day trip this past summer, my wife and I met a retired couple from the lower 48 who sold their home, put their belongings in storage, bought an RV and drove the AlCan highway into Alaska. Their lifelong dream was to travel Alaska, so they decided they would see as much of this beautiful state as they could being campground hosts and volunteering at parks from the spring through to the fall and see where it went from there. A dream that both my wife and I can relate to and one that anyone with the desire to enjoy their new found freedom could appreciate. They were a down to earth couple with a great story to tell, and I wonder where they ended up and the many more stories that they have made?!
 The similarity of these personal stories of triumph, are the desire and ability to let go and roll where the breeze blows you. How many of us have ever had this dream? After spending a good deal of your life putting in the time and responsibilities of raising a family, working the daily grind, and then one day being able to let it all go in order to spend the years that follow, in a free-fall. No commitments and no certain plan! I think some people would frown at this concept, but then, these life loving nomads that I’ve mentioned obviously see things through a different set of spectacles. The whole concept of this segment here, makes me want to go out and rent “Easy Rider."
Do you have an appetite to spend your later years exploring, wandering, relocating and running that ‘Carefree Highway’? My wife and I discovered from an opportunity this past fall that house-sitting in some of our favorite vacation spots may actually be a really good gig for us as we age and our responsibilities become less. If you’ve never thought about it before, how could you see yourself given this kind of wild and spontaneous opportunity and where would you jump off and claim your complete independence? It is just an opinion, but I see it as just another possibility for those retirement days we will all experience, uniquely, in our own way!
How are you energizing your retirement (or how will you)?
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| Editor's Welcome: Nov. 21st - Nov. 30th, 2010
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers,  to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
To happiness and beyond!
Tips for combating the infamous "Empty Nest Syndrome"
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
The most present factor in our household after our son moved out was the way my wife and I united our efforts.. Not that being united was anything new to us, but we actually found ourselves taking a deep breath, strengthened our bond to one another, and pulled together to begin a new and exciting time for ourselves.
Much emphasis is often put on the depression and loneliness, otherwise known as ‘empty nest syndrome’, that is associated with the departure of the kids from the home. However, many people find that there is life after the kids! One interesting impact the empty nest had on us almost immediately, was the way we came together, for instance, to take on some of the household chores and things that our son had otherwise always been there to help with. This simple consideration seemed to develop into other areas of daily household functions and has also become a very  active mainstay in our relationship these days.
What about any guilt that you may feel over so much happiness when the kid(s) leave the house? Kids are a very present force in the home and our lives for a good many years. In our case, we realized that as opposed to feeling guilt maybe we need to look deeper into how we may have inadvertently set ourselves up early on for the inevitable day our son flew the coop! He was always our main focus in life. The potential for a collapse in functioning or a stumble in communication, with this new void in his absence could have been a very real possibility!
But here are a few things we did early on, about the time our son entered high school, to keep our marital relationship strong, and put our personal needs in focus better preparing us mentally and emotionally for this day:
- We found individual hobbies; myself in pottery and my wife in watercolors, which actually brought us together in the combining of our talents as artists. This came in the form of time together “creating art” in our home studio space, participating in art shows, gallery displays, becoming members on the local arts council and classes together.
- Family time has always come first, but time as a couple is so important. Weekly ‘dates‘, trips away for a couple of days to relax, re-connect, and for emotional detox all were a part of keeping our marriage, our positive availability to our son and the family needs in good running order. It kind of made us like the Energizer Bunny!
- Keeping and making social connections with friends helps to keep your attention to a life outside the home in tune. Inviting friends to your home for dinner or doing say a movie out on the town with them, a concert maybe…all help to keep us social butterflies!
- Make that pilgrimage to Disneyland! We did…and it was a blast!! We have many memories of taking our son there several times throughout the years, and now we have a new and exciting memory which we made being there together!
Keeping your time and relationships occupied can make a big difference in this transition as the kids grow up and go out on their own. There will be plenty of time to miss them on those quiet nights, but in the meantime, make it a priority to find and develop the happiness that awaits you in the empty nest years!
What have you done to re-engage your relationship during the "Empty Nest" stage of life?
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| Editor's Welcome: Nov. 14th - Nov. 21st
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers, to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
The future of savings...
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
How much thought has the average American put into the mid term elections and how the results will affect their retirement? With the Bush era tax breaks set to expire the end of this year, one can’t help but think of the impact this may have on their ability to save for retirement. The debate of such will surely be a heated one between Congress and the President.
The new Republican Congress will also be faced with the Presidents’ desire to nationalize retirement accounts. Referred to being “next on his agenda,” this plan would be a government take over of 401k’s and other retirement accounts to help fund the national debt. Under the plan, the government would pay a fixed interest rate of 3% as opposed to the diverse mutual fund investments of most 401k plans. How much thought have you given to these proposed issues and the impact they would have on your savings?
With the economy still on shaky ground and most Americans already pinching their pennies, either of these proposed policies would force many of us to rethink how we spend, and consider new ways to save for retirement.
One interesting savings plan that I recently heard of from a young couple determined to secure their future, has been to cut out the unnecessary expenses and start pushing that money to paying off credit cards and/or other loans even if it makes their monthly budget a little uncomfortable. They lived beyond their means when the economy was robust. Each time a balance is paid down, the amount that was being paid to that balance is being used to pay down other balances and to pay additional principal on their mortgage in an effort to pay it down in half of the time it otherwise would take. The logic is that if they can pay off their house in half the time and remain as debt free as possible, they will have no house payment to worry about when they retire and will be in the position to use their home as a 100% cash out if they decide to downsize to a smaller and less expensive home which can be bought and paid for.
They see the increased payments to their mortgage as a wash in contrast to the credit debt decreasing each month, or in other words, they still pay out the same amount of their budget each month, just re-applying the money to what they see as a more sound and secure spending plan for them. They will also have a little bit of a cushion if anything happens to the economy thus affecting their household, as they could re-apply all of the extra monthly payment amounts back into their daily finances for absolute necessities, if need be, to help out until their financial situation stabilizes again.
How much thought will you give to the tax and retirement policies that may affect you in the near future? There have been times of financial hardships in our country’s past, and these current times too shall pass. But there is no better time than the present to think ahead and take advantage of logic and a frugal financial plan.
What kind of plan do you have to incorporate savings into your budget?
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| Editor's Welcome: Nov. 7th - Nov. 14, 2010
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers, to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
Distance and the Lonely Heart...
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
I heard a story last week which prompted an inspiration for this weeks Empty Nest piece. However, the story took some turns, add a pinch of drama, a circumstantial shakedown and all of a sudden the little story that was...was not to be! So….there goes that! But in the smoldering ruins of a good story rose from the ashes some points to ponder.
With the holiday music on satellite and cable tv, decorations around town and the stores gearing up with their arsenal of holiday encouragement, it’s all a reminder that Thanksgiving is drawing near! The time of year that we all celebrate with over indulgence, visits with family, and reflect on the reasons we are fortunate and thankful. All good and something to look forward to for most. But many people will experience a void, with the kids away from home.
Situations and circumstances will make or break the festivities for many families who are experiencing their first Thanksgiving a distance away from each other. A thought that comes to my mind is how will the current economy affect these young independents and their ability to afford travel to be with their families? With airline tickets at a higher than desired price and many people unemployed or on a tight budget, it may be difficult to bring the kids home or go to them this Thanksgiving, making that lonely heart turn shades of blue.
In regards to the earlier story I had for you, the daughter, who started a 4 year college in September, called dad devastated that she wouldn’t be able to afford the 3500 mile trip home for Thanksgiving. Dad couldn’t afford to fly her back, but with help from other family members they were able to raise enough money for him to fly down to visit her. From there the story turns upside down! But the thing that caught my attention was the measures taken to bring some joy to a lonely daughter away to college.
How will you deal with the distance this year and what could you do to ease the loneliness your son or daughter may feel? How will you adjust to the empty seat(s) at the dinner table if it is just not possible to be together on Thanksgiving? This is a hard subject for some and the answers possibly even tougher to come by! What is your story or ideas of bridging the distance with your kids this Thanksgiving holiday? We would love to hear what you have to say!?
How will you deal with the distance of loved ones being away from for the holidays?
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Favorite Photo Printing Website?
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| Editor's Welcome: Nov. 1st - Nov. 6th, 2010
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers, to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
The Many Faces of Retirement...
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Recent headlines of the riots in France, sparked by the proposed change of their retirement age, brought about a thought in regards to retirement. Mind you, the political systems between France and the US are entirely different and a comparison between the two nations could be rather complex. But regardless, I have observed through the years that a good number of retirees I personally know or have known seem to retire themselves for less than a year before they find part time work of some kind to occupy their time. Then there are those who have done the complete opposite and have taken the opportunity to play like they haven’t played since childhood! In regards to retirement, two things cross my mind: Will I be able to retire, with the uncertainty of what kind of benefits, if any, will be around come that time….will I even be able to afford it?! Secondly, will I be able to retire without going mental from inactivity!
 My father took his retirement as a time indulge in what he does best and built a mega-structure, over my parents‘ home! Surely, centuries from now, it will be the source of as much intrigue and mystery as the great pyramids or the likes of other massive architectural concepts. Oh…it’s impressive! My grandfather took his retirement years as a time to travel with my grandma to such places as China, Australia, New Zealand and all over the continental United States. He worked hard all of his life to be able to do so! Some people take this time as an opportunity to play and gallivant around with mindless irresponsible glee! While still others will find part time work to either supplement income or to pass the time constructively.
The point to my original thought was this; where will retirement benefits be 20 years from now and how will we as a society react to retirement? To further that thought; what do people do in these current times once they are retired and how do available finances affect what they do? It comes down to personal decisions in regards to personal needs, but in my experiences and goings about, I have seen some pretty serious, funny, remarkable and curious reactions to the point in time that most of us spend half our lives dreaming about. When your time has come to retire or if it is already here, what are your plans, dreams, and hopes after the final 5 o’clock bell tolls?
We would love for you to share your personal stories of retirement!
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| Editor's Welcome: Oct. 24 - Oct. 31, 2010
We have many stories, blogs and posts about Empty Nest and Retirement. After the Editor's weekly welcome message (below), please keep scrolling down to find the stories from both our Featured Writers and Members. We encourage everyone, especially Baby Boomers, to share their story, wisdom, news, or advice about the Empty Nest or Retirement stage.
The trick is to make it a treat...
By Greg Phillips, Empty Nest & Retirement Editor
Here is something scary just in time for Halloween…you are alone! The creepy ghouls and precious princesses have grown out of their costumes, turned in their candy bags, and mothballed the jackal lanterns. Whether they are off to college, have moved out to gain and build independence or have found work away from ‘home’, you are free now to spend this hallowed holiday in ways you may not have dreamed of…at least in the past 18 or so years!
The first couple of years can truly be intimidating for new empty nesters during this spooky holiday. The traditional role of putting together or shopping for costumes and the annual carving of the pumpkin and preparing both the tricksters and the treats have probably evolved through the years as the kids have grown. No matter the drill, it was a tradition all parents looked forward to sharing with their kids. Even after our son aged out of the trick or treat stage, we made a new Halloween eve tradition to take him and a couple of friends out for pizza and arcade games at the local pizza joint.
 But here is the beauty of this stage, during a holiday, regularly celebrated with your kids who have flown the nest…you now have choices! Be it a quiet evening at home with the porch light off and the pumpkin snuffed, or a frightening welcome to neighborhood trick or treaters knocking down your door looking for sweet goods, a night out on the town, or even a grown up costume party. Life is not over, but rather a new stage has been born! Last Halloween was our first without the kid in the house and we were surprised when days before, he asked us if he and his girlfriend could come over to carve pumpkins. We entertained the request by buying some pumpkins for each of us to carve, made some snacks, cranked up some tunes and the four of us had a blast! But we made this conscience choice!
No matter the situation or circumstances, this is a time for you to celebrate, or not, in the manner you choose. It’s a time to make your own little traditions to fill the void during this stage of life. Rest assured, you are not the only one(s) to feel so many mixed emotions when the kids you celebrated Halloween with for the past 18 years or so are no longer there to enjoy it with! But fear not, with a little understanding and some new momentum to drive you during these times, you may see this as an opportunity to re-connect and maybe even light up your own jackal lantern!
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 | SilverPlanet.com
How to Find a Professional Geriatric Care Manager
SilverPlanet.com: Silver Planet® helps Boomers guide their parents to age in place by providing services and products related to aging at home and housing options. Its Silver Advisors™ are professional geriatric care managers who provide phone consultations on preventing falls, navigating Medicare, evaluating senior driving challenges, and other issues Boomers must resolve while caring for an aging loved one. Silver Advisors clarify concerns, suggest a plan of action, help prioritize next steps, and furnish personalized written reports and recommendations. For a limited time, the first 15 minutes of selected consultations are free. Click here to learn more.
Silver Planet combines its personalized advisory services with relevant, high-quality content from nationally known speakers and authors, timely webinars, blogs, and senior scam alerts in one place, making it an essential resource for Boomers.
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 | Choose to Save.org
Will You Run Out of Money In Retirement?
ChooseToSave.org: The biggest question many of us face is "HOW DO I PREPARE FOR RETIREMENT?" ChoosetoSave.org is a non-profit site managed by the Employee Benefit Research Institute that answers the tough and crucial questions that determine the planning necessary to achieve a comfortable retirement...
- "How much do I you should save for retirement?"
- "How long will I live?"
- "What will be the impact on my take home pay if I increase my contribution to my 401(k) plan?"
- "What kind of person am I - a planner, saver, struggler, impulsive, or denier?"
On the site, you'll find interactive calculators and quizzes that will be instrumental in helping plan for retirement. NOTE - ChoosetoSave.org was mentioned on the Today Show in a segment entitled, "Do You Have Enough Money Saved for Retirement". Watch clip of that retirement feature on our Video page.
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 | Mint.com
Free Budget Planning and Financial Management for Baby Boomers+
Mint.com: If you are nearing or in retirement, discover the best FREE money management system you can use to organize your finances. Mint.com is a secure, online planner to help you budget and organize your family's finances while at the same time planning for life's financial milestones whether it be saving for your grandchildren's college education, buying a new house, planning a home improvement, saving for a vacation, looking ahead to retirement, etc.
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Stage of Life staff have tested it, use it and warmly recommend it.
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 | Health Plans of America.com
Compare, Shop and Save on Medicare with FREE Health Insurance Quotes
Health Plans of America is dedicated to helping people find affordable health insurance. Health Plans of America is not a health insurance company. They are one of the largest and most trusted sources for competitive health insurance quotes. Whether you’re a retiring or just trying to save money, they can help you learn more about your options, request free quotes, compare plans from different insurers, and lower your costs.
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| Resources for your Post-Retirement Career
8 Websites to Inspire Your Career After Retirement
Check out these eight website picks for the places where you’ll find information and inspiration on your post-retirement career . Submitted by Certified Retirement Coach, Lin Schreiber.
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 | Seniors for Living.com
Resource for Baby Boomers to Find Housing and Care for their Aging Relatives
This is a resource to help baby boomers, or children of any age, find housing, care and nursing facilities for aging relatives or parents no longer able to care for themselves. Submitted by Seniors for Living.
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