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Single Editor's Welcome: May 1st-15th, 2012
Giving up Food Judgement
By Laura Jayne Parson, On My Own Editor
Let me tell you a story. A story about a little girl we’ll call LJP.
As a small child, LJP was active and happy. She had a loving family and despite regular moves, had a stable and secure childhood. LJP loved to read. As she got older and progressed through puberty, she found that she loved to read more then she loved to play outside. Her mother, a healthy living guru, knew that LJP needed to be active, so she ensured that LJP walked to and from school and ate healthy, balanced meals at home.
For her own edification, LJP also wanted to be an athlete, and was a joiner of all, master of none – and as puberty hit, it became clear that LJP was not a natural athlete, but a natural eater. Of junk. As a budding couch potato, LJP developed an affinity for junk food not available at home, and consumed it with abandon when not in her mother’s presence. Her mother sought to provide a healthy, balanced, organic diet, supplemented by fresh garden vegetables. And it was delicious. But LJP, like many children, lived for “box” macaroni and cheese and trips to McDonalds. An ungrateful wretch, really.
As a growing child who maintained a reasonable amount of fitness, she remained at an average weight until college, when the “freshman 15″ turned into the college 60+. In fact, LJP’s driver’s license said her wait was 100 pounds less than her current weight. At 17, LJP weighed 125. At 23, she weighed 235. If you’re a mathematician, you may have already figured out that this means she gained around 17 pounds per year. That’s a lot.
LJP’s mother had taught her the best way to fuel her body to live a healthy life, but simply knowing what was healthy didn’t mean that LJP WAS healthy. At 23, LJP decided it was time to pursue health – but decided to do it on her own terms. She started exercising and stopped drinking Diet Coke. After losing 60 pounds, she realized that she could change her diet more, and followed the “Hungry Girl” diet. Low in calories, high in volume and artificiality. 100-calorie packs, artificial sweeteners (yes, even Diet Coke), and “fake” foods became her staple, and she lost even more weight.
Too much weight. The girl who was obese became the girl who was too thin. Family members were concerned. LJP even became concerned, but she was so disconnected with food that she didn’t know how to rectify the situation. And it was a situation. Eating a low-calorie, low-fat diet meant that she was also eating a low-in-nutrition diet too. Deficient in just about every way. Not healthy. Skinny was not equal to healthy.
And then LJP started to recognize the wisdom of what her mother had preached ten years earlier. She started integrating good, natural, whole, organic food back into her diet – food that was local and had recognizeable names and ingredients. Food that you could pick (or pick out) and tasted amazing and fresh – AND that you prepared yourself. It was a true love food connection. LJP started preparing her food and gained back some necessary weight, but more important, she re-gained health. And then lots of other things happened that aren’t pertinent to this story.
This may shock you, but LJP is me. Why did I tell this “coming of age” story? Because I’ve been noticing what I think is a disturbing trend towards “food judgement” AKA “You eat that?!?” in the blogworld. I may be just as guilty of it too – so this is overarching criticism. Or perspective. Or my soapbox.
I believe that the best diet is one that is mostly natural, locally produced, and as close to “whole” as possible. I believe that is the healthiest way to eat. I try to eat a diet that is filled with fruits and veggies; but the reality of my life right now is that I also have to eat a lot of those foods in a pre-packaged/frozen way. Time doesn’t allow me to do otherwise. This is the best and healthiest way FOR ME to achieve a healthy balance in my diet. I’m not 100% there yet, but this works for me.
Some people (like me) achieved a healthy weight (or are reaching their weight loss goals) by consuming high-volume, low-calorie foods that use many artificial ingredients. I don’t think that is the healthiest way to eat. FOR ME. But is it better that they are pursuing “healthy” in their own way, in a fashion that works for them? I think so. As a former (and sometimes current) member of that club, I KNOW how much food is already on their mind. When counting calories, food is constantly lurking below the surface – it’s a pervasive, almost threatening presence. For me, it was an addiction that I couldn’t give up because I needed it to live. Would telling me that I was eating the wrong things or that I was hurting myself by putting articial sweeteners into my body helped me?
Did 23-year-old LJP follow the diet her mother taught her to?
No. LJP had to figure it out for herself. I had to develop a connection to food on my own, by experiementing with foods and discovering what made me feel healthiest. And everyone else does too. Best case, telling someone who is figuring out how to fuel his or her body in a way that can help them achieve a healthy weight that they are doing it with the wrong food will fall on deaf ears. They aren’t ready to hear it. Worst case? It can lead to obsessive food behaviors, like disordered eating, where food ceases to become a positive, and becomes a dangerous enemy, with chemicals and weight gain sitting next to them at the dinner table. If you’re already sitting with “weight shame,” judgement, and pop culture ideals of thinness, eating becomes an anxiety-filled and guilt-ridden activity.
When we push our own views of the “right” way to eat, whether that is vegetarianism, veganism, “local,” organic, raw, or whole – we’re not helping the person we are pushing that on. We’re judging them.
It’s okay to tell someone who is asking for help how we believe a diet should look – but it’s not okay to tell someone that you’re way of eating is unequivocally right, whether science backs you up or not. And heck. It just might. But is that really what is most important?
Or is it more important to support someone as they develop their own healthy eating habits, in their own way AND their own time?
Let’s ALL stop practicing food judgement. Including me.
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Single Editor's Welcome: April 17th-30th, 2012
How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Singlehood
By Rachel Russo, On My Own Editor
Sometimes people ask me if I am single like it is a crime not to be married! Of course I get judged a little more harshly than the average girl being that I’ve built a name for myself as a dating and relationship expert, but I know a lot of you who are on your own get it too!
I’m sure there are some very good reasons why you are single at this time. (I know I have my share!) If you are like me, you probably lead a full life, have success in your career, and are likely to be surrounded with friends, family, and many opportunities to meet potential dates. You probably want to be in a relationship and know that being single is like “being in the meantime.” You probably want to have as much fun as you can—and generally think it isn’t so bad at all! You also wish people would shut up and stop asking why you are single!
Sometimes you may get a little lonely and miss an ex or two. Unfortunately, living a happy and full life doesn’t always prevent loneliness, as even the best friendships don’t cure the desire for romantic love. Besides, meeting large quantities of singles that lack the “quality” you are looking for can sometimes make you feel lonelier!
When you are feeling very single-and have easy internet access—you may fall victim to serial dating. This type of compulsive dating only leads to more dates and not relationships. If you find yourself going on as many dates and to as many parties and singles events as possible-in fear that if you don’t you may miss “the one”- you are actually doing a disservice to your love life. So stop with this common pitfall of singlehood. Right. Now.
The truth is: Being single does not have to mean being lonely—even if you don’t have many romantic options! (And, by the way, being married doesn’t always shield you from loneliness either!) The thing that you need-a lot more than another date-is hope! You have to believe that if you stay true to yourself and what you are looking for and keep “doing you” you’ll eventually meet someone perfect for you!
Please know that you don’t have to go out with people just because they are interested. Know how to trust your gut and let it show you how to find love. So if you would rather be at home washing your hair than having a conversation with a guy who only meets three of your five match criteria, act accordingly. If you’d rather not go out on a double date with your best friend and his girlfriend’s co-worker, say so!
Just be happy with the stage that you are at. Single doesn’t have to be forever! And, by, the way, one day, you might even miss it!
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Single Editor's Welcome: April 1st-15th, 2012
Dietary Choices
By Laura Jayne Parson, On My Own Editor
One of the big things that happened when I was 28 was learning that I had to completely transition my diet from one filled with whole-wheat food to one that is completely gluten-free. While it was a struggle at first, I did it - I was able to eat a healthy diet that met all of my nutritional needs and was still a vegetarian diet.
I've been a vegetarian for a little less than two years now - I decision that I did not make easily. Basically, after a 30-Day Challenge where I transitioned to a vegetarian diet for 30 days to see if I could do it, I realized that it was feasible for me to completely eliminate meat from my diet. The realization, combined with the ethical and environmental aspects of "eating meat" helped me to make the decision that a vegetarian diet was the right one for me.
JUST for me. I have always held that I have no right to tell anyone else what they should and should not be eating, nor have I ever felt like saying that a vegetarian diet was a "forever" sort of thing for me. I don't like absolutes anywhere in life (except for saying "no" to drugs. That is an absolute).
I still believe firmly in the ethical and environmental reasons for a vegetarian diet. In fact, I still ethically consider myself to be a "vegetarian" but the time for that label for my diet - for that "restriction" is over.
Combining the restriction of having to be gluten-free for my health (and not ever wanting to have a Red Blood Cell count at 26% of normal) with my optional choice of being meat-free has lead to a diet where I am constantly thinking about what I cannot eat. Intuitive eating has helped me to reach this realization - that I cannot truly become an intuitive eater if there is still an optional food group that is completely off-limits. I think part of my recent weight gain and overconsumption of GF sugary treats is often related to feelings of deprivation about the food I cannot (or will not) eat. Having an entire food group that I've voluntarily left off the table isn't helping me - it's hurting me. If I want to have a healthy relationship with food, one where I'm not constantly thinking about it and when I'm going to eat next, I need to take the diet label "vegetarian" off the table. Literally.
I can't eat gluten. I can't change that.
I can't say that I'm going to suddenly start eating meat at every meal - in fact, there are many meals where I naturally have no interest in eating meat. I can't even say that I'll start eating meat on a regular basis.
But I can if I want to. Somehow, that mental switch - or "code switching" as I like to call it - makes all the difference in the world.
Or at least I hope it will.
I know I'll receive some judgment here - and I'm okay with that. Choosing a vegetarian diet was always a personal choice and choosing to eat meat is, likewise, entirely personal as well.
What do you think? Are you a vegetarian? Could you be a vegetarian? Don't forget to enter our Single's Writing contest! |
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Single Editor's Welcome: March 16th-31st, 2012
How to Rock Your Single Status by Creating a Wish List
By Rachel Russo, On My Own Editor
Many singles say they know what they want when they see it. Can you relate? Do you feel like you don’t have a type? That you don’t even know what is important to look for in a “match” other than that elusive thing known as chemistry? That you can’t look for love because it hits you when you least expect it?
Full disclosure: As a Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach with a rising sign of Virgo, I think it is a smart idea to have plans for your love life—as well as plans for many other things while you are at it. I don’t believe people can achieve great happiness and success in their careers without knowing exactly what they want. (“Failing to plan is planning to fail” has pretty much been one of my mottos throughout life—though I sometimes enjoy winging it.) Why should attracting a successful relationship be any different?
I think having a clear vision for a relationship can only help you find it. That being said, I am a fan of both men and women writing down the qualities they seek in a partner—creating a “Wish List” if you will! Knowing what you want as well as understanding why you want it can be a huge asset to your search for Mr. or Ms. Right. It can also help you be patient throughout the process of dating and actually enjoy your time “On My Own”. You’ll be better able to evaluate who you should see again and who you never should have seen in the worse place. Your whole dating experience will be that much more enjoyable when you have a plan! That being said: My Wish List is as follows.
What do you think? Do you seek similar qualities in a partner? Why or why not?
I would love to meet a man…………..
With Integrity: My belief is that a man is only as good as his word. If he lies to me once, he could lie to me again. I think a woman should not tolerate any sign of disrespect from her man.
Who Is Loyal: I shared my toys since I was a little girl, but a man is not a plaything. I refuse to share my man with another woman. Infidelity is my deal breaker of deal breakers. And that “Once a cheater always a cheater” thing? Well, there are exceptions, but in general, you should know that it is not a myth!
Who Wants The Real Thing: I want the healthy, happy, life-time partnership that is complete with friendship, true love, marriage, and kiddies. I don’t want the man who just wants the challenge. How about you? If he’s just in it for the thrill of the chase, do you really think you are winning? Maybe Charlie would, but I beg to differ!
Who Is Emotionally Mature: Attention to all potential male suitors, I do not work for free! While I used to have a penchant for diamonds in the rough, I am a changed woman who will no longer accept a man with the potential for emotional maturity. If I’m no longer willing to teach a guy I date how to treat a woman and I’m a dating coach; why should you be?
Is Generous: Generosity, according to me, must be across the board. I want a man who is generous with his time, money, and affection. Scrooges need not apply. You should only make a man as important to you as you are to him. If he isn’t generous, he shouldn’t be important. Period.
Is Supportive: Ya know those narcissistic guys who want everything to be about them, them, and them? Check, please! I can spot them from a mile away and you should too! If he doesn’t care about you, your interests, your work, your hobbies, your needs, on the first few dates, dating him will not be a picnic. Run now!
Has A Good Head On His Shoulders: There are many types of intelligence. One that I really value in a man is common sense. His life needn’t be perfect, but he can’t be an alcoholic in denial, a man who is irresponsible with finances, reckless with people’s emotions, or just plain dumb in everyday situations. Don’t you want a man with street smarts and common sense so you can feel like you are protected?
Need help creating your “Wish List” or attracting the partner of your dreams? Check out my site at www.StatusMakeover.com and learn to love your love life—no matter what your status!
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Single Editor's Welcome: March 1st-15th, 2012
30 before 30
By Laura Jayne Parson, On My Own Editor
On the last Tuesday of February, I turned 29.
Considering that I’d been telling people I was turning 30 for a couple of weeks, 29 was a bit of a relief – I suddenly had another year to accomplish things I wanted to do in my twenties. I’m not overly stuck on my own age, so I’m not feeling like an old maid or feeling the pressure to marry and procreate, but I do think 29 is the perfect time to create a one-year plan to accomplish some of the things I’ve always wanted to do, or may not have time to accomplish in the future.
I’ve called it my 30 before 30 list – and I can hardly wait to get started!
1. Run a marathon
2. Pitch (and hopefully write) a book
3. Take a photography class
4. Become a certified yoga instructor
5. Move to Seattle (yes, I’ve decided Seattle is where I belong, with or without a PhD program)
6. Create (and hopefully teach) a running-centric philosophy/composition course at a university
7. Visit Hawaii
8. Become fluent in French
9. Visit my grandfather who has Alzheimer’s (and family) in Virginia
10. See the Spiral Jetty (by Robert Smithson) in person
11. Present my thesis at an academic conference/get it published in an academic journal
12. Find and wear a bathing suit that I truly feel confident in
13. Visit the dentist
14. Get a nutritional assessment to assess my gluten-free, vegetarian training diet
15. Pay off all non-school debt including hospital/medical bills
16. Take a painting class
17. Design a new header for http://www.LauraLivesLife.com
18. Create a “Running” page on http://www.LauraLivesLife.com
19. Travel to a non-Italian, European location (hopefully France)
20. Graduate (and attend graduation) with my MEd
21. Practice gluten-free baking
22. Choose, evaluate, and apply to 5 PhD programs that are a fit for my qualifications and research goals
23. Get a full-time teaching/academic position
24. Become a Lululemon ambassador
25. Learn to write legible cursive
26. Take a REAL vacation where I don’t check my email/think about work for a week (or more)
27. Read The Feminine Mystique
28. Campaign for my presidential candidate
29. Learn to make sushi
30. Attend a blogger conference (like BlogHer Food)
What would you include on your 30 before 30 list? Don't forget to enter our Single's Writing contest! |
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Single Editor's Welcome: February 15th-29th, 2012
Love Notes: When To Drop The "L" Bomb When You No Longer Want To Be "On My Own"
By Rachel Russo, On My Own Editor
A day after Valentine’s Day, and it is safe to say that love is in the air and in the minds of many singles. Sometimes being alone on Valentine’s Day can make a person think that it is not where he or she wants to be next year—that being single is a transition at best or hell at worst! Let’s face it, many of those who realize they’d rather not be single the next Feb 14th are the ladies!
Many of us ladies love to be in love! I, for one, think a lot about love! Is it more real if it is instant? If it lasts long? If it takes a while to realize? Is falling in and staying in it different for men and women?
Does it ever go away?
Lately I’ve been pondering an important question: !hen is it best to say “I love you,” if you are a lady who would actually rather not be on your own? Should it be on Valentine’s Day? Should it be as soon as you feel it or not? Should it be now or never?
In my experience-living in both NYC and NJ and working with dating and relationship coaching clients throughout the country—I’ve encountered many women who actually fall in love first! And they may be just like you—technically single and either seeing someone casually, or in friends with benefits relationships. Many times, they let the men drop the “L” bomb first, because they are scared to--but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel it! They are scared because they think they are breaking gender norms and may scare a guy off!
Many women wait for men to initiate everything from the first phone call, to the first date; to the first sexual encounter—and the “I love you” is no exception. I believe NYC women in particular are afraid to open up like this, because they encounter so many men who are either commitment phoebes or choose not to settle down with one of the many female options the city inevitably offers them. (The guys tend to think the grass is always greener!) Are things similar or different where you live?
My view on dating and relationships is traditional in the sense that I think its best when men make the first moves on all of the above. I believe men need to think-and truly believe-that love and commitment to a particular woman is their idea! They need to know they are getting the best woman they could before they settle down! (This is because there is often a negative view of marriage—“the ball and chain”, becoming boring after marrying, etc.) It really doesn’t work as well if the woman says “ I love you” first, because this implies commitment! If he doesn’t love her, he is aware of that when she brings it up—and if she becomes aware of it, it goes downhill from there. Case in point: “The Talk”—that dreaded conversation women hate to initiate but feel forced to when men don’t commit. How well does that go?
I tell my female clients to let the men lead, because if a man loves a woman, she’ll know about it! And if you are thinking of switching up your “Own My Own” status, I’d offer you the same advice. After all, men need to be kept on their toes and a little mystery does that. If you say “I love you” first, you’ll give up your power.
Be true to you, but be a challenge, and it won’t be long before someone is buying you flowers and candy too! Don't forget to enter our Single's Writing contest! |
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Single Editor's Welcome: February 1st- 15th, 2012
Obituary
By Laura Jayne Parson, On My Own Editor
It’s been an identity challenging sort of week which made an assignment for one of my classes even more meaningful (and therefore difficult). One of the components of our final portfolio is our personal philosophy of education; to guide the development of our philosophy, we were tasked with writing our own obituary.
Sounds morbid, right?
I don’t think so. I think an obituary is more than a death report – it is a final story about what we accomplished in our lives. A “report” of sorts on our bucket list (or “leap” list). What we accomplished, did, loved, and lived. I think breaking life down into what we want to be remembered for gives us perspective, something I desperately need right now. From a very simple template (provided by my professor), I attempted to write my own obituary. I’d love it if you picked a line or two (bolded) to complete in the comments or write your own, post-style too!
Laura Parson, age 99, died yesterday. At the time of her death, Laura was running. After completing her 70th marathon (one per year, starting with her first at 29), she smiled and lay down peacefully to take her last breath.
She will be remembered for her love of running, tenacity, work ethic, commitment to social justice, and ability to inspire others through her words. Her commitment to social justice led to the creation of the Pan-American Education for All non-profit organization which works for equal access to education for all people of all ages. She believed that access to education went beyond access to a physical (or online) school, and conducted and funded research to make education a truly inclusive endeavor for all.
She will be mourned by her surviving siblings, nieces and nephews, friends, and readers. Her words, through her books, blog, research and speeches had the power to transcend boundaries to inspire others to work towards a common goal of equity.
The world will suffer the loss of her contributions in the areas of education research, academics, and writing.
She always wanted, but never got to see her dream fulfilled of a literate world. Her organization will continue to work towards that goal by funding research, initiatives, and policy to make education a lifelong reality for all.
In lieu of flowers please donate to her foundation or make a commitment to promote equity and social justice in your life. Additionally, you can also start cheering for the Washington Redskins. Or at least buy a jersey or two.
She is survived by her siblings, family, and friends.
How would you want your obituary to read? Don't forget to enter our Single's Writing contest! |
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Single Editor's Welcome: January 15th-31st, 2012
The Secret to Being Single & Loving It
By Rachel Russo, On My Own Editor
Happy 2012, everyone! Well, we are midway through the month—with Valentine’s Day less than a month away! I am hoping that you are not just comfortable with your single status, but at least enjoying it--and hopefully loving it!
In case you are wondering if people actually like being single, the truth is some really do! Being single and loving it doesn’t mean you have to want to stay single forever but that you are content to make the best of the time on your own. That you are okay with your situation as it is. That you are happy with your life and following your bliss everyday.
Of course, there are things that can get in the way of making the best of your single hood—like feeling societal pressure to be coupled, feeling lonely, or having difficulty getting over an ex.
The secret to being single and loving it has to do with overcoming the challenges. It means accepting that the spot you are in now is exactly where you are meant to be. Say it is a transition, say everything happens for a reason, say you are better off alone than with your ex. Just don’t say being single s***s, because if you believe this, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For the record, the type of people who think being single is a prison sentence are not happy with themselves. They feel like they “should” be in a relationship because of their age, because their friends are, etc. Having a relationship isn’t the only cure for loneliness. There are friends, family, pets, and flirtations with strangers for that! The best way to avoid loneliness is to lead a full life with the people and things that matter most to you. Pursuing hobbies and dreams, throwing yourself into your career, and traveling around the world can work wonders for loneliness!
Re: The “ex” factor: A lot of people have difficulty letting go of the past, because they focus on the good times instead of the bad. Mostly, their ex is just on their minds, and society reinforces that. #Youstillcareif was trending on Twitter last night for God sakes! (And, by the way, if that tweet reminds you of your ex, you still care.) Just as I am writing this very sentence, David Guetta’s “Gettin Over” came on the radio. If you are not happy with your single status and missing your ex, don’t listen to lyrics like these. The truth is: There is getting over you. Just accept it will happen in time.
Thus, the true secret to being single and loving it is acceptance. It’s like saying “Hello, World! I am single and I’m going to rock it.” Are you ready to?!!
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Single Editor's Welcome: January 1st-15th, 2012
A Resolution-Free January
By Laura Jayne Parson, On My Own Editor
My editorial post is late this month. First, I’d like to apologize. I’m a painfully punctual person in the real world, often early, and I don’t accept lateness from others very well. Especially my poor students. Likewise, I don’t accept it from myself. In fairness, I shouldn’t.
Second, I’d like to explain why. I felt incredible pressure (from myself) to either write a January editorial post that was a retrospective on 2011 or a “resolutions” post. I already posted a retrospective on my personal blog (www.lauraliveslife.com) and new year’s resolutions aren’t my cup of tea. In fact, for this overachieving singleton, resolutions usually cause more harm than good. As a graduate student/instructor/employee I put incredible pressure on myself to accomplish all of the goals I’ve set for myself. Finish my thesis. Graduate from my master’s program. Teach my students well. Meet my employment-related goals. Run a marathon. Maintain a well-respected blog. And so on. These are goals I set outside of new year’s resolutions and I put a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish them. I also spend a considerable amount of time working towards accomplishing them. I lose sleep over them and forgo social engagements. It’s worth it, because these are life goals, goals that I’ve set because they are important to me. Additional goals on top of these goals would even increase that pressure and maybe take my time away from these things that I’ve determined to be the most important for me. I don’t want to divide my focus.
Accomplishing or meeting a goal (like a 120 pound weight loss) feels amazing. It is motivating. Positive feelings abound. In contrast, NOT achieving a goal or failing quickly into the pursuit of a goal is de-motivating and negative. Studies have shown that not accomplishing goals can even have negative ramifications in other areas of life, especially if lack of success leads to a feeling of failure. Just like success in one area can positively “run over” into other areas, failure can also influence other areas, when one feels like failing in say, weight loss, means that can’t achieve other personal or work goals. In short, feeling like a failure sucks. Too often, new year’s resolutions are grandstanding, broad, and impossible. Once, I resolved to practice yoga every day. I failed on day three. Later that year, I practiced yoga everyday for 60 days straight. Somehow NOT making a resolution, but choosing to do it because I liked how it made me feel helped me to accomplish it. No resolution necessary. Losing 120 pounds in a year? Impossible. Five years? Doable. The resolution itself often leads to its failure, and the pressure we put on ourselves to do it and how we feel when we don’t often makes the resolution process inherently negative.
Finally, for the most part, none of the goals I’m pursuing currently are ones I could accomplish after a year of work. Some of the new year’s resolutions I’d like to make are: learn French; become a certified yoga instructor; write a book; complete an ironman. I’d be hard-pressed to accomplish any of those in a year. Or two. Or five. I think you get the idea.
If you make resolutions and they work for you – I’m glad, and maybe a little jealous. I think a healthy dose of excitement for the new year is a positive thing – and believe me, I’m very excited for 2012! But I’m not going to make resolutions. I’m going to continue to pursue my “bucket list” goals. Maybe the new year is a great time to revisit them and assess my progress. But, for heaven’s sake, I’m not going to make new ones.
At least not yet.
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Single Editor's Welcome: December 15th-31st, 2011
Who Not To Settle For In 2012
By Rachel Russo, On My Own Editor
As the year comes to a close, I would like to wish all Stage of Life fans readers very happy holiday season. I hope that you’ll enjoy this special time with family and friends and set yourself up for your most fabulous new year yet! As we ring in 2012, many of you singles are surely thinking that you want this year to be your year-- for finding love, of course! It can get a little lonely to be on your own during the holidays, but don’t sweat it! You are a person of value-whether you are coupled or on your own.
I think women especially get a little teary-eyed over the failed hopes of someone special to bring to the company holiday party or kiss when the ball drops, so I offer the following advice for the ladies but want to note that the same applies for men. (Just change those “Hes” to “Shes”!) No matter if you are male or female, young or old, black, white, or yellow, my advice for those looking for love is: Be open but do not settle. Figure out what you want and what you don’t want, and don’t put up with anything less than what you deserve. Sometimes you must know what you don’t want, and ladies, let me fill you in on some men that you’ll want to avoid. I know of certain men who will keep you up at night---and not in a good way! If you want a boyfriend, run now!
While the following types of men may reserve a special place in your heart and be good for a memory or two, they are not ideal candidates for a serious relationship. If a long term romance is what you truly desire, it is best to avoid these men. While there are always exceptions to the rule, men who can fit into these categories aren't likely to deliver the goods. They are bound to thrill you, disappoint you, frustrate you, and disappoint you again. If an emotional roller coaster is not your idea of a good time, stay away!
1. Mr. I'm In a Relationship But Am Trying To End It: Many people, and most especially men, hold on to the one they are with until the next best thing comes along. Some of these people are cowards, others are jerks, and all are not ready for a serious relationship with someone else if they can't even be honest with their current partner. Besides, don't you want a man who has the courage to speak the truth? (And, if he did it to her, what makes you think he won't do it to you?)
2. Mr. I Don't Date: He is also known as The Eternal Bachelor or Mr. Cheap and/or Lazy. Perhaps, he is bitter. You'll recognize him when he starts talking about his "psycho ex girlfriend". Whether he was burned by love or is the child of divorce, he thinks that he does not want or need romantic love. He might change his mind when he meets a special girl, but until furthernotice: she is not you. Don't waste your time investing in his potential.
3. Mr. I Have No Idea What I Want To Do with My Life: Many men need to figure out their life's purpose or at least find a job that they don't hate before they are ready to put the effort into a serious relationship with you. These types can be a bit scattered, as they are trying so desperately to find out who they are. They are good guys in disguise. Remain Facebook friends and let fate take its course.
4. Mr. Let Me Pencil You In: The opposite of Mr. No Idea What I Want To Do With My Life, this guy has it all figured out and is uber focused on his career and or/hobbies. When he says he doesn't' have the time or energy for a serious relationship, believe him. Otherwise good luck trying to compete for his attention. Often, especially in NYC, music is his mistress.
5. Mr. Beer Pong: Meeting up with this recycled frat boy at overcrowded bars for overpriced Coronas does not count as a date. Mr. Beer Pong resembles Mr. I Don't Date, but his distinct feature is his reason for not dating has a lot to do with his boozing and womanizing. Let's just say his iPhone contains an overabundance of phone number from all-too-willing-just-turned-twenty-one-year-olds that he met at last call. Five beers and two text messages later, he realizes his life mission: to party like a rockstar.
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