Posted: Thursday, July 1, 2010 6:31:57 AM
Tiffany has it all. Hayley has it all. Sarah has it all.
What do I have?
I know I’m good at capturing the likeness of a figure or object with a stroke of graphite across paper. I know the responsibility of the literary magazine and the student submissions rests on my shoulders. I know I’m the one that everyone goes to for dream-analyzing services.
But honestly. Are these marketable to the ivy-coated prestige of Princeton? Or the iron-gated reputation of Brown?
Can these talents and positions take the place of an almost humanly-impossible perfect GPA? Or SAT scores that Einstein would be proud of?
Don’t get me wrong – my grades aren’t terrible compared to the other 85% of students at my school that don’t take the same APs and honors courses as my friends and I do. I’m also proud of my SAT scores!
That is, until I heard what everyone else got.
I feel so completely insignificant all the time.
It’s not because some people are smarter than me or because some people just study harder and go that extra mile to succeed.
It’s that these some people are my confidantes, mis amigos, my friends.
My guidance counselor constantly assures me that my talent and passion for drawing and painting will get me into college, or that my demonstrated leadership is great for college applications. However, something tells me that she only says these things to avoid having my mental breakdown on her hands.
I’m close to losing it completely. I’ve already suffered quite a few panic attacks and sobbing episodes where all I can mutter is, “I’m not good enough!” This is normal behavior for an 11th grader.
But I digress.
When my guidance counselor gives me these gifts of confidence I'm happy. Then I get my math test back.
I'm afraid that there won’t be place for me at a college my friends also apply to. It’s hard to reconcile myself with the fact that I may be good enough for a school, but the girl I spend my Saturday mall expeditions with gets in over me because her GPA is 10 points higher.
Watching the “Degrees of Difficulty” clip made me feel guilty for complaining. People like Dennis Medina work all day, then go to community college after midnight, and here I am, whining about theoretically not getting into Duke. People like Charneé Ball cannot even pay for anything other than community college.
Then I think, maybe I should stop worrying about other people. I mean, Medina and Ball don’t let unfavorable circumstances weigh them down. I even have advantages they don’t, like more money to pay for my education. I need to focus on how I'm doing in my classes during senior year and be thankful that I have some great activities to put on my resume.
I don’t have to get into the best college in America to feel like I’ve succeeded.
Other things are much more important.