A Partner's Perspective

By Elle Lamboy, Having a Baby Editor

From the moment a woman knows she’s pregnant, all of the attention from family, friends, colleagues, strangers and everyone in between gets directly pointed at her and that new baby in her womb. Many people, especially those of us who are expecting, think this is the way it should be!

I mean, the expectant partner is the one who has to go through the morning sickness, heartburn, leg cramps, growing waistline and cravings. But, on the other hand, she also gets to experience the many joys of pregnancy—like those sudden baby kicks!

The partners, however, are sort of pushed to the sidelines. Sure, they have the satisfaction of knowing that they are 50% responsible for the new life growing inside their partner but other than that, they are sort of rendered clueless as to what is going on in the mess of hormones and happiness that their partner has become. And, if they are smart, they take on the chores, nursery prep, and midnight runs to the corner store for ice cream, peanut butter, waffle cones and a jar of pickles to avoid confrontation.

This tumblr blog from an “expectant father” gives a hilarious view from the male perspective of pregnancy. It definitely sheds some light as to what is going on in their heads throughout the nine months of pregnancy and how they cope with the daily highs and lows from their expectant partners.

Share your pregnancy feelings from your unique perspective here! Don't forget about our Having a Baby Writing Contest!

Love Story

By Jonda Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

the night before

danced my enormous tummy to “Fat Mama”

this year, a day before

we flailed and bounced our arms to it again

I remember

driving to the hospital, mixed emotions

drugged up, cut open and out you came

life-changing

Sammy, small, feisty, scrappy

Relaxy Maxy

you joined us right away, such a peaceful baby

uncontrollable crying, from mom or babies?

stopped the car once to make sure you were safe,

comfortable, still breathing

“I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” twenty times at 3 a.m.

sleep?

sleeping on your R2D2 rug

slurring words, wishing and crying that the crying would stop

many times, no clue what to do

hives, fevers, colds…no clue what to do

Sammy, jumping in your bouncy seat

massive poop explosion

running down your legs, jumping and slipping

with the biggest smile on your face

hysterical momma on the floor

off to hose you down

aware of your lily-white body

pinching your tummy and smiling ear to ear

your tummy and your skin

coolest thing around

you ache

to throw yourself on the couch

you look out the windows

and catch me coming home with the biggest smile and wave

I long to forever remember our first walk outside

first car ride

first meal

first airplane ride

first Mall of America trip

3 hour walk around a 2 mile lake

Max, you love

all food

try it and devour it

Sammy, so picky - avocados and grapes

you love life, toys, mom, dad, outside

you detest diaper changes and boredom

Maxy smashed the birthday cake

Sammy preferred avocados

thrilled for the next year so new

refreshing and invigorating

L'chaim

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Baby Registry Woes

By Elle Lamboy, Having a Baby Editor

When it was time to do my bridal registry, I stepped in like a pro. China, crystal, appliances, and linens—all came to me naturally. After our wedding, our love nest was stacked with items that were fabulous, and a bit practical too.

I never really questioned why this came so naturally to me, until my mom called and told me I really needed to set-up my baby registry so she could send out my shower invites.

I’d been going to and hosting parties and dinners my whole life, which made my bridal registry a breeze, but prepping for a baby was really foreign territory. I hadn’t babysat in over a decade, and that was only for my cousins who were way beyond toddler age.

As I reviewed the registry checklist, I immediately started to panic. Not only was it filled with things I was sort of familiar with like bottles and bonnets but also items I’ve never heard of like sleep sacks and wubanubs!

My gut instinct is to always go for what’s trendy, flashy and ascetically pleasing. While this worked for my bridal registry, this all felt so wrong for my baby registry. So, I went the completely opposite route, and only registered for things that had the highest safety ratings. From strollers to sleep sacks I was only interested in their safety. If they had 5 stars they made the registry, whether or not they were cute or practical!

Totally exhausted, I showed the registry to my younger sister who has a full-time gig watching 3 children—two that she cared for since infancy.

“This stroller isn’t going to work,” she said carefully, trying not to send me into a hormonal tailspin,  “you need one that grows with the baby.” An infant won’t be able to travel in this….

HUH?

This same banter occurred for nearly every item.  We went through all the big items, and I listened to the essential qualities each required, and why you need certain things, even sleep sacks.

Once I had the basics down, from the viewpoint of a real “parent” and not pages and pages of Internet reading, I could wisely choose items that were not only safe but also practical (and even cute too!)

So, please, learn from my experience. If you are a first-time parent, call up a friend, parent or loved one who has experience raising children and treat them to lunch or dinner in lieu of some sage advice on how to complete your registry.

Reading and researching on your own is smart, but nothing beats the information you will get from someone who cares about you (and your baby to be!) and can give you pointers that will translate to a happy and prepared experience with your new bundle of joy.

What tips did you find most helpful while creating your baby registry? Don't forget about our Having a Baby Writing Contest!

Science vs Science

By Jonda Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

I have been considering introducing milk a little earlier than the recommended 1 year of age. My twin boys are now drinking 7 ounces each 4x a day. That’s 28oz times 2. That’s a lot of pumping and water and mother’s milk pills. Because I am barely keeping up, my frozen supply is also diminishing.  My goal is to pump and provide breast milk for one year (the magical April 18) but it’s looking like I might make it to 11 months or 11 months and a few weeks.

It’s amazing when you visit the web or ask around the opinions you get. Some say go with formula. The last time we tried that the boys drank very little and then spit up brown “stuff.” That option is not high on my list. Another option is to introduce cow’s milk slightly earlier. But some (including my pediatrician and other respected doctors) say that you are asking for an allergic reaction or even helping to create allergies.

I reached out to my mom. We have allergies in our family, including a history of endocrine issues. Her initial opinion was to wait because of what she’s heard and of our family history.

On second thought, my mom recently came across some research that both she and I found interesting.  I thought I'd pass along. Dr. Mom (in the Sacramento Bee) shared some interesting info that, as they say, you might want to discuss with your doctor...

Dr. Mom notes that food allergies are a mix of genetics and environment.  But says based on recent research that needs to be further pursued, the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology now says that there is no need to delay the introduction of highly allergenic foods like dairy, wheat, peanut butter, eggs and fish.  They postulate that, based on observational studies, 6 mos. plus introduction may actually be better and may protect against the development of allergies.  They caution that these are guidelines and more study is needed, but the thinking is that waiting until a child is older may mean that the body treats the strange food as a foreign substance, activating an allergic reaction. 

My mom then says….It makes a person want to summon the spirits of all their lactose-intolerant relatives to ask for a sign about what to do!! I agree.

If you were me, what would you do?

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The Big Announcement

By Elle Lamboy, Having a Baby Editor

Hi Stage of Lifers!

This is not only my first Welcome as Editor for this stage but it’s also the first time I’m publicly acknowledging my pregnancy.

I don’t know why I’ve been so nervous about announcing this amazingly huge experience but many of you finding out my big news before my extended family!

I have not been a very fun first time mom-to-be. I’m currently 17 weeks, and have yet to take a picture of my growing baby bump. Even though I am an avid writer, I’m not keeping a pregnancy journal and I told my parents and siblings the big news by sending them a text message of my positive pregnancy test. Not to mention, my poor hubby found out the big news by me slowly handing him the test with the directions to make sure I wasn’t messing it up!

I wasn’t much better with telling my friends either. I kind of just blurted it out immediately after our initial greeting. On one occasion it went something like this:

“Hey Elle, I love that necklace, where did you get it?”

“Thanks. Target. I’m pregnant.”

Don’t get me wrong; I am beyond thrilled to be pregnant. My hubby and I have been married a little over two years and the pregnancy was totally planned…it happened way faster than we expected…but planned nonetheless! I guess the incredible joy mixed with the intense fear of the unknown is making me be a bit superstitious of the pregnancy. Like, if I get overly excited or shout it from the rooftops that something will go wrong.

My brain knows this is the most ridiculous thing ever, and that I should be reveling in this amazing gift but my heart (or my hormones!) are making me an anxious freak!

How did you announce to your close family and friends that you were expecting? Don't forget about our Having a Baby Writing Contest!

Birthdays

By Jonda Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

February is a great month. It’s my birthday. When I was young, my mom threw the best birthdays. I think that’s why I love birthdays. She would do the most creative crafts, build forts out of refrigerator boxes, and have the best gift bags for the kids. As a kindergarten teacher, she had the greatest themes and the kids had a ton of fun.

Over the last few years, my birthdays have taken on extra special meaning. Last year, 2012, I was pregnant on my birthday and I knew that I would carry full term. In 2011, I had just lost a pregnancy around my birthday. In February 2010 I was pregnant for the first time and filled with total excitement. Then a few weeks later I lost the pregnancy.

For this birthday, I have 9 month twin boys.  In a few months we’ll be celebrating their birthdays, too. How do I best celebrate a 1-year old birthday? The first year is definitely a celebration for the parents. Lord knows that we have a ton to celebrate - so part of me wants to make it big. Not J-Lo big and petting farm in our backyard big, but big.

So what do you do as a parent? How do you keep the birthdays special but not so over the top that the kids are exhausted, you’re exhausted and you have too many presents to enjoy?

Do you have any good ideas? Don't forget about our Having a Baby Writing Contest!

Unwelcome Distractions

By Dan Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

I must confess that's it's been quite a while since I've tapped out a blog entry.  What's happened in the intervening months has provided perspective on parenting and assigning value to the things in my life.  On October 17, I was served papers at home that named me personally in a lawsuit involving my former employer.  Before finishing grad school and redirecting my career a year ago, I was a practicing Civil Engineer.  Things were now going very wrong with a former project - heating systems not working and windows leaking causing damage to the building.  These things had nothing to do with the plans I prepared.  My work was with the parking lot, drainage, and landscaping outside the building.  But, since I was involved with the project, and Minnesota law allows for it, I was personally named as a defendant.

I hardly slept for several days after I was served those papers.  As is often human nature, my mind focused on the worst-case possibility.  When I did sleep, I would have dreams about losing everything - cars, the house, all our savings - everything except our twin babies Sammy & Max.  A couple times I broke down and cried.  I couldn't imagine this ridiculous lawsuit that wasn't even about my design impacting the boys.

There was a time before the boys were born when this lawsuit wouldn't have bothered me nearly as much.  Sure, I would have been upset but this was different.  For the first time, I felt a side of parenting that I hadn't planned for.  I was supposed have a positive impact on my boy's lives, but now I couldn't describe what I felt in any other way other than profound disappointment in myself.  A few days later…that disappointment turned to anger, and motivation to get out of this bad deal.

I connected with a lawyer I knew and he started calling around trying to get to the bottom of why I was involved.  Turned out, because my former employer did not respond to the complaint, they decided to add me to the lawsuit.  Attention then focused on undoing this.  Around the middle of December, the other parties in the case agreed to settle via mediation and dismiss me from the complaint.

Going through this ordeal brought me through many emotions, from worry and despair to being so angry that it generated motivation.  This motivation had its roots in my desire to protect my family.  Having kids is an experience unlike anything I could have anticipated. I look at Sammy and Max every day, and every day they smile and I feel something deep, instinctive, and primal that tells me I would do anything to protect them.  The idea of my family being threatened was for a bit, almost more than I could handle but it showed me how much they matter to me.

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New Year Hope and Love

By Jonda Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

This was my first New Year’s Eve as a parent. I spent some time thinking about all I am thankful for and how I want to participate in 2013. This exercise took on even more meaning for me in light of the recent school shootings.

The act was horrible. Horrible is not even the right word. There has to be a different word to use to describe the act, the impact, and the loss. I don’t know the word because maybe there is not one out there to describe it.  All I could think about were those parents who no longer had their children to celebrate holidays and this New Year’s. I felt especially lucky and blessed to have my children with me.

So how can I pay homage to those families and be a better citizen for my community and my children? How can I be more in the moment to celebrate both the large and small milestones in my family’s life? Well, I decided to do one pay it forward every day for all of 2013.

I love paying it forward. Over the last few years, I’ve maybe done 3 or 4 per year. It usually involves money. I’ll pay for someone’s coffee, lunch, or cookie. I’ll donate $5 at the grocery counter to help a food shelf. I think my challenge this year is to think outside of just giving via money. I should be able to make small impacts through time, money and talents.

I plan to track all of the small pay it forwards in a journal my friend gave me. It actually tracks 5 years’ worth of small entries and I plan to use one full year of the journal to catalogue my journey.

I am sure I’ll forget some days. I guess I’ll just double up on the next day. I may also need a reset – it might be a very bad day where I totally forget to do something kind. Ha!  Sometimes life gets in the way, right? There might be one or two days where I pay me forward; I press reset and start over the next day. We all need to be kind to ourselves and forgive.

I hope to look back and remember most of the acts as a celebration of life, kindness, and love. I hope these small gestures add a little love into a world that my babies will be in longer than I am. 

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Worry, Worry, Worry

By Jonda Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

Have you had a chance to read “Raising Children” by Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author? My mom passed this article along when I needed it most. It was after a rough night of crying babies and second guessing my parenting skills. Was I creating a monster by picking up my baby when he was crying?  Was I was scarring my child because I was not picking him up enough?  Each self-help article contradicted the previous one. It was overwhelming…especially because I was working on a few hours of sleep.

But then I read this article and shed a small tear while in a work meeting. I was really glad no one saw me.  Here was someone who had been through this same conundrum and raised good human beings. What was her secret? Let them be the guide and just be present. This was a wonderful reminder to me to sit back, relax, let it be and enjoy. I won’t write a long blog so you have time to read Anna’s article and to reflect.  It’s a fantastic message to carry with you when you have those moments of doubt and worry.

Don't forget about our Having a Baby Writing Contest!

Liquid Gold

By Jonda Hughes, Having a Baby Editor

I’ve heard breast milk called liquid gold. It’s probably because it holds an amazing mix of fat, vitamins, and healing and growing powers. Each time I feed my twins, I am thankful that I can do so. To do so and do so successfully, you must time it right, pump, get rest, and drink tons of water. As you know, getting rest is very hard with babies. Pumping in weird places and being stressed doesn’t help production. Drinking water is doable but you must make sure to plan your day around drinking enough (I drink about 120oz/day). I now have a Pur water pitcher at my desk. 

For me, timing is the biggest challenge. It’s difficult to get away 3 times during a work day to pump for a half hour each. I am down to 2 times per day and hope that each time I pump it’s enough to replace what my boys are getting during the day.

Although it’s work, I like the challenge. When I first started pumping, I would always forget to pack a part. I would forget the bottles or the caps to the bottles. Once, when I forgot the caps, I went to the cafeteria and got saran wrap and rubber bands to cover the bottles so I would not lose this liquid gold on my way home.

At work, my cube is a ways away from the pumping room. In order to save time, I started to leave the pump in the bathroom. About two weeks ago I thought someone had stolen my pump. There was no pump in the bathroom. I had flashes of spending $300 for a new pump. As a last resort I went to our lost and found and asked the kind security guard if they had a pump. He did. Someone had turned it in as an unattended bag. A bomb? Ugh.

Another time, my power cord broke at work. Ack!  I had a short amount of time to figure things out so I didn’t waste a pumping session. I went to Babies R’ Us. Unfortunately they didn’t have the right model that I needed. I went online. There were only two places that carried the right model and it would take 1-2 weeks to deliver. I looked into rush shipping. That was an extra $80 to ship a $25 cord. I just could not do it. Long story short, I got it delivered right before we left for vacation. Unfortunately this did not solve my immediate problem of no power. In the pump bag, I found a power cord that plugged into my car. I wound up covering myself with a scarf and driving down a major highway pumping for 30 minutes. Any truck or semi that drove by was probably wondering what the crazy lady was doing.

Just today, at a college football game, I forgot my ice bag to keep the pumped milk cold. I brought the bottles with expressed milk into the stadium and asked for a large popcorn box to be filled half way with ice. I plopped the bottles into the homemade “ice bucket.” Unfortunately my friends could not eat the popcorn but my babies could have food.

Even though it’s some effort, it’s worth it to me. There is next to nothing you can control when raising kids, but if I can help start them off well by providing breast milk I will try and do it as long as I can. More importantly, I will also have some good stories to carry with me.

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