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Another Year Gone By



Joined: 2/23/2013
Posts: 5
TripleCHeart415
I wrote this for a class last year as a setting descriptation. I want your honest opinion on how it's written and how I may be able to make it better. Thanks!

The sun shone bright, piercing through the dark shades resting on his nose. It felt like the perfect spring afternoon, except for the white chunks of ice melting on the sides of the roads. He raised his gaze to the sky, squinting against the white-ish yellow sun. Similar white chunks were floating aimlessly in a bright blue pool above. He remembered the last time he saw a day like this.
***
He stood in the middle of a grassy field. He was sweating in the heat, droplets spilling down his forehead. There was still snow on the ground, but it was soft where he stood. He was alone; at least that’s how he felt. He was surrounded by white and red petals, floating around at his feet and brushing up against his ankles. They were soft and loving, but left within a minute, without even saying goodbye.
That day he lost a part of him; his best friend left with the petals. He rode with the wind to the place where he belonged. The petals never came back and neither did he.
***
The clouds parted for the sun to spread its rays. It looked just like the movies, but lasted just a second before the clouds closed in again.
“I miss you too, dad.”
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Comment by Julie


Joined: 1/25/2013
Posts: 23
Hey! You said honest opinion so here is what I have to say... I loved it!! Just one thing white-ish I would make the sun's color more in detail that one word that ends in -ish. But I'm no journalist. :)
Posted: Saturday, February 23, 2013 6:16:37 AM
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Comment by TripleCHeart415


Joined: 2/23/2013
Posts: 5
Thank you so much! I'll definitely change that to something else more descriptive. Thank you soo much, again (:
Posted: Monday, February 25, 2013 1:15:17 AM
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