Looking back on high school, I wish I had done things differently. I don’t regret my decisions, but I do regret not doing enough in the time that I had. When it came to my education, I figured as long as I passed and paid some attention, it wouldn’t bite me in the ass later down the road. Wrong, so wrong. As a senior in college, graduating in less than three months, I have a list of everything – from social time to study time – I wish I could go back and change.

I spent 99% of my time on the softball field after school, on the weekends, and eventually getting a scholarship to play in college. Sometimes I wish I didn’t take it so seriously and pick my friends over a weekend tournament once in a while. Missing out on a big majority of friendship opportunities was the worst feeling for me, senior year. I watched myself grow distant and not care as much because I knew I had a future set, a school picked, and I was out of there soon.

One of my biggest mistakes was missing out on after-prom. That weekend, my friends were going to the Jersey Shore to party and celebrate for three days while I went to play softball with a team I couldn’t even stand. I resented it later when I saw pictures on Facebook of everybody laughing and smiling. But I didn’t do anything about it because “I was too cool.”

My empty friendships went hand-in-hand with my apathy in the classroom. I gazed out the window continuously during my grammar class, math class, Spanish class, etc. Things I could be using today if I cared enough to listen back then. Going to career expos and job fairs, it is hard to look back and not become frustrated from everything you could have taken with you and decided to throw in the garbage.

But above all else, I should have changed what killed me the most – my high school relationship. I worshipped a guy who was four years older than me that all of my friends hated – I mean who could blame them; this kid stole my four years of high school and I let it happen. I was tied down at age 16, believing I didn’t need these immature high school friends because they were no good for me anyway. I had my fair share of annoyances, verbal bullying, and girls I absolutely hated. I was immature too; young enough to worship someone I thought knew everything.

By the time graduation rolled around, I sat against the wall and watched my old group of friends wear matching flower necklaces and laugh together during picture time. I resented every single one of them and blamed them for my own fault in the matter. I figured it would be easier to blame them for leaving me then blaming myself for the truth. I threw away good friendships for relationships, didn’t care in class because I was already accepted into college, and didn’t study because I knew I was going to graduate, regardless.

Looking back, I would have done high school differently – much differently.