Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 5:37:35 AM
I told you when I met you that I wasn't perfect. I told you not to expect much of me. Was I talking only to remain unheard? My very motives still remain hidden, even from me. The only thing I can think to do is to cry out to God in desperation, and pray he will have mercy.
I am a hypocrite. I have been told that this life would be difficult. I must've thought secretly that I wouldn't have to suffer along with every other person, because I was "special". I suppose it's that feeling of immortality that so many young people seem to have. I suppose becoming an adult has somewhat snapped me out if my fantasy. Actually, living this life forever sounds painful. I thank Jesus that he made eternity the way he did, he gave me something to look forward to- something to cast my eyes upon in the moments I just want to throw it all up and say, "who cares?"
Without that, I'd be hopeless. The person I am is not just me. It is Jesus in me more than anything. Without him, I am nothing. I am street scum who makes bad decisions along with everyone else, and only does what benefits myself.
Thank God for the cross. Thank you Lord for the chance to be with you eternally, even though I'm the lowest of the low! I'm a horrible sinner, a dreadful lier, a thief, and an absolute tyrant. That I have ever been anything else is by your glory Lord!
Thank you for claiming me as yours! Help me to always remember how little I deserve this gift, and how much it means, that you would offer it to one such as me. I love you Lord, thank you for listening as always!