Posted: Friday, January 18, 2013 8:21:08 PM
January 18, 2013
Nothing Last Forever
What do you do when everything you know disappears? The thoughts, the smiles, and all of the memories are all haunting. My friends always considered me the strong one of the clique. Nothing really bothered me, I had a tendency to shake everything off, and I just didn’t care about what other people thought. They liked to think that I was the most mentally stable out of the group, like I was unstoppable, but during the April of my eighth grade year, everything changed.
I use to be a horrible student. I never did my homework, I was stuck up, and I liked to cut classes, but I changed. I never believed that love could change people, but now I know. One afternoon I had snuck into the auditorium hoping that I wouldn’t get caught skipping choir. That’s when I met him. You could say it was love at first sight for me. We exchanged numbers and we casually talked like it was no big deal. I knew from that day that I wanted him to be mine, and I was going to make it happen.
Towards the end of April I thought I had him eating out of the palm of my hand and unfortunately, I was wrong. I was in Washington D.C. when I got the text message, “I’m Dating Brittany!” I was in shock. What had I done wrong? Why doesn’t he like me? All I could do was keep asking myself questions that I couldn’t answer. I played major mind games with myself and it wasn’t fair. I was athletic, pretty, and smart. What more could we want?
Days went by and school passed in a blur, I was like a lost puppy. School had just gotten out and David was now heartbroken. I was lucky that I was there to pick up the pieces because it brought us closer. He started coming over sometimes, but there is one day that really stands out. The first day he came over we sat down on the couch and started watching a movie. Sounds normal, right? The funny thing was that we sat on different ends of the couch around six feet away from each other. Casually, with each text message, we kept scooting closer and closer until I was finally in his arms. I looked up in innocence, and he kissed me. The butterflies were instantaneous and I have never felt that type of “lightness” before. A couple of hours later he left and he texted me when he got home, “Tay, I’m upset I forgot to ask you something important.” I knew exactly what he was hinting at, but he refused to ask me through a text message.
On June twenty-seventh I was driving home from a softball tournament at Purdue University and David texted me, “When you get into town we are going to the movies. No exceptions.” What was he thinking? I was in my ball uniform, no make up, and a mess. I am not sure why I was worried, he told me I looked beautiful always. After the movie he walked me home in complete silence. What was going through his mind? Did he like me? Was he going to break the bad news that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore? Finally, I snapped out of it and by the time we were at the intersection of my street. He stopped and just looked at me with those baby blue eyes. He looked down at me, asked me to be his girlfriend, then kissed me. I was on cloud nine he liked me, I felt like a little kid in a candy shop. Over the next two and a half years we had a lot of ups and downs. The kids at school were awful and his mom hated me. The odds were against us, but I was determined to make it work. Frankly, I didn’t care what people thought. I loved him and that was all the mattered.
How do you just fall out of love so easy? Another question I cannot answer. What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong? I gave him the world and it meant nothing to him. He left me twice for two different girls and I was dumb and took him back. I thought we had moved past all of that, but I guess I was wrong. During Christmas Break I was practically a zombie. David had ignored me for the whole first week, but I didn’t think anything of it because his phone was broke. Although, I still refused to leave the house, get dressed, or do anything. Finally, he messaged me on Facebook. “Honest tay, I don’t love you like I use too.” I loved him with every ounce of my body and now what did I have to show for it? How can you date someone for two and a half years and just leave them? You don’t do that. I was beyond hurt. It has been almost three weeks and I’m still not the same girl I use to be. I still cry, lie around, and complain about it. I keep asking my self, why cry over something you can’t control? Why would this “strong” girl cry over an emotion? Parents like to believe that teenagers cannot fall in love, but they are wrong.
This whole situation goes to show that you can’t really count on anyone except yourself. I know now that this whole thing wasn’t my fault, but still. The people that you believe that will be there through everything will eventually walk out of your life. The only person that won’t break your heart is yourself. YOU have to be your best friend. YOU have to be the best person you can be. You aren’t always going to have your mom and dad, or even your best friend. I think it is now better to depend on your self. I have finally realized, thanks to Kat D. Von, that, “Nothing lasts forever, not even tattoos.”