Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 5:47:46 PM
Like any other teenager, I struggle from depression and anxiety. My mistake is letting it control my life. It’s hard to have self-confidence and optimism whenever my state of mind is so distracted. Sometimes, it feels like everything I do isn’t enough, but it really is even though it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. Everybody can’t be strong all the time, or they’ll break. Life doesn’t even feel real at times because I feel so numb that I don’t feel anything at all. When life catches up with me I become over stimulated with all the things I need to do perfectly. I pressure myself to be perfect.
This year, I am suffering from manic depression and anxiety. I don’t want to be medicated; I feel like something else is controlling me because the medicine is interfering with the chemistry in my body. I don’t want a psychologist because I don’t like the idea of paying someone to pretend they care about my problems. I want to have the strength to overcome something that is within my own mind and body. I don’t have control over my feelings because the concept of controlling that part of my brain is not in my grasp. I do have hereditary depression, which means I have a chemical imbalance that causes me to act/react in certain ways.
Next year, everything is going to change. I’m going to have control over everything possible in my life. My parents have finally alleviated some of their authorities over me because they realized I’m growing up and will be sixteen this year. I’m going to accept medication since it is something I cannot control alone. To help my depression I will try to stay busy at all times while trying to find new interests when I don’t have anything to do. Making new friends should be easier, and maybe I’ll be able to attach myself to people better than this recent year. My grades are important to me and I’ve developed an efficient study habit, so I should do well academically. Everything just needs to fall into place, and if not I just need to go with the flow.