Please, before you comment, realize that this is all true and I don't want to hear people saying that what I did is stupid. But, here we go...


There comes a time in everyone’s life, where they just can’t take it anymore… I reached that time and took the coward’s road… I cut myself and this is my story, leading up to when I cut. I’ve been bullied since kindergarten or maybe it was first grade when the bullying and hazing started. Granted, I did bring most of the bullying and hazing on myself. How? I used to act like a cat… I was a stupid child… I smartened up in third grade though. I got in a lot of arguments with my friends in third grade and the bullying didn’t stop, it was a gang of kids, some of them my age and one of them a year younger than me. Now, closer to the present day, last year, actually. My best friend, Sammy, called me up after the first few weeks of school and we met up at the nearby elementary school where I met her soon to be boyfriend and my long-term crush. Thing’s were good for a while then problems arose for my closest friend, Tiffany. She wanted to leave, go live with her dad because she was so sick of her mom. We both cried almost all day. Then, my sister was over and a big argument happened for some reason I can’t remember. She cried, I cried and then the next morning, I was still pretty upset and something happened at school to make it worse. I can’t remember what it was though either. All through the year, I faced problems until one day, in May, this scrawny guy named Nick made everything worse. Third period was my English class and the only class I had with my friends, Tiffany and Genasee. The three of us were anime fans and always sat near each other, fan girling over yaoi, and just being otaku’s. Nick didn’t like that. He’d always had issues with us but that day, he made things worse. He thoroughly bashed the three of us and NO ONE helped. He called us “@#$%ing ugly ass bitches” and bashed us for liking yaoi. Mind you, Tiffany and Genasee are bi, I’m straight. Genasee started crying and Tiffany and I immediately set to consoling her while firing heated retorts at Nick and his cronies. That night, I almost cut but I knew my friends would be SO upset if I did. I couldn’t hurt them like that. Now, I still liked Hunter, the boy mentioned earlier that Sammy would date that I really liked. Finally, I built up the courage to tell him how I felt and he felt the same. We rarely talked though and hardly saw each other. Summer passed and I only saw him once that summer, on my birthday. The school year started and I still rarely heard from him. I got a boyfriend to try to get over Hunter but it didn’t work so I dumped the guy. Then, skip to Wednesday, November 14th of 2012. I finally heard from him that night! I was ecstatic, my love had returned to me! Or so I thought…. We talked for a few minutes and I eventually asked him over text if he still liked me as more than a friend. My heart raced as I wait for him to text back, I was almost certain he’d say he still did. But, my hopes were soon dashed and I read the text over and over again. I cried when it hit me that he didn’t like me back anymore…. I took a shower and then went to my room to get dressed. I’d thought of cutting before but I’d never been serious about it, never tried to cut before. That night, I was playing with my EXTREMELY dull pocket knife, acting like I was going to cut, trying to. I pressed down hard but no blood was drawn. I moved to a different spot on my right wrist and lightly slashed a few times and suddenly, I had a cut… I didn’t really feel much pain and the past two days, I’ve had to hide the cut from my friends. Only four of them know… I’m not proud of it but, I’m kinda glad I did it… It’s sick. I’m insane. But thanks for listening.