Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:59:52 AM
So there’s this guy. Yeah, I know how you think stories like this usually end. Go ahead and start thinking about how you’re “forever alone,” or how the love of your life doesn’t even know you exist, or how you’re in the best relationship under the sky and that you’re totally going to marry prince or princess perfect. I won’t judge. But anyway, there’s this guy in my life. For anonymity’s sake, we’ll call him PJ. The story of how we met a year ago isn’t remarkably exciting, and neither is our lives together. For now, we’re mostly just friends. Officially, we’ve never been on a date, although we’ve hung out more than once to get ice cream or attend a street concert or something equally friend-zone-esque. I’m not upset by this in the least. You see, my experience with guys is kind of abnormal in that I went to girls’ school for five years. There are very limited outlets for us poor girls’ school kids to find guy friends/ boyfriends. The most popular option seems to be “find a boys’ school kid.” I’ve tried this a good number of times. Inevitably, problems arise in this set-up for a number of reasons. For one, there are very few academically-focused boys’ schools in PA. Your options include military school (and trust me when I tell you that you don’t go to military school because you have good grades and great leadership skills), and reform school (a.k.a. A place where wealthier parents tired of fighting with their kids send their substance-abusing sons). You can see exactly where the obvious issues are. Of course, that’s not to say I didn’t try that option once or twice. Caught up in the heat of a dance, I would occasionally find myself a guy who seemed nice enough, with whom I would proceed to waste hours and hours chatting with via facebook. And after about two weeks of this game, I would always look up and realize that all I have on my hands is a concocted fantasy about someone I’ve met once. When all you do is type to someone, you get to fill in all the holes about his life, personality, and heart with whatever you want, thus basically creating an imaginary character. I finally gave up on that option my junior year of high school. Then, there’s always the option of finding a friend with a brother. I tried this option once, and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world....except for the gossip surrounding us, and the fact that his social skills were virtually nonexistent. What can I say? He was a history nerd, my AP Euro grades weren’t stellar, and I really really wanted a real boyfriend (by the way, he never did technically become my boyfriend. Phooey). There was one kid I met at summer camp, but if you’ve ever seen the movie “Grease,” you know just how such summer flings start and end.
So now we arrive at my friend PJ. The two of us talk on the phone and text at all hours of the night, and meet up when our busy schedules permit. We’re both going to college this fall about an hour apart from each other, me for English writing, him for computer science. And of all my relationships (or pseudo-relationships, to be more precise), this one is the most devoid of mushy, cutesy, sweet nothings and such. We sometimes talk about music, sometimes calculus, sometimes faith and Christianity, and sometimes just each other. And the thing that shocks me is that I’m totally OK with how this relationship is working out. Normally, I’ve tended to prefer boys who dote on me plenty, like maybe two exits before you get to “obsession.” I like for them to talk to me all the time and be cautious about stepping on my toes when it comes to controversial opinions. You know what I mean, the “Good morning baby, I love you” texts and unexpected-yet-abundant compliments – all the reasons you can’t keep yourself from putting on sappy Disney princess movies whenever ABC Family runs a marathon. But the things I’ve found when I’m with guys like that is that I lose respect for both them and myself. Neither of us are being real or realistic when the relationship looks like that. In truth, you can be 89% sure that if a relationship looks like that, it’s only a temporary infatuation, not something lasting. And that’s the difference between what all my other pseudo-relationships with guys have looked like and what my current situation with PJ looks like. I really and truly respect PJ as a person. He’s someone I like and could see myself loving someday, not vice versa. Will we ever become anything? I secretly hope so, but I’m not holding my breath, seeing as move-in day is rapidly approaching, and he’s out of the country on a missions trip right now. But until then, we’ll just see where this mutual respect gets us. And who knows? Maybe I’ll wind up with a real boyfriend someday.