Joined: 5/28/2009
Posts: 54

Here we are, another Christmas and another year nearly past. As I find myself reflecting the past 11months and 24 days, I also find myself in a bit of a placid shroud of complacency. Whereas days before, even just hours ago I felt no real desire to do the whole Christmas gig, I am slowly finding myself giving in and conforming to tradition. This would be the first year my wife and I are essentially flying solo at Christmas. With our son and only child moved out and no grand kids as of yet and none in the foreseeable future, we are free to do what it is that adults before us in the same predicament do. We are learning of what exactly that is supposed to be!!

I think we are winging it pretty well. We have never really been advocates of all the commercialism of 'the season'. Mind you, Santa did make his usual stop over each Christmas eve, with only the dogs to bear witness to such an alleged event. But we kept it low keyed, low cost, and as the years waned closer to young adulthood for our son, so did the quantity. Quantity became a parable of quality, and the transformation of childhood dreams of Santa slowly evolved into a truer value and meaning behind the season.

With the house quiet and to ourselves, we woke Christmas eve day to begin a cleaning event. I commented that I felt like I was cleaning the house for Christmas eve guests that weren't coming! Still not sure if there is some kind of mysterious symbolism behind doing the weekly house chores on Christmas eve day, or if this was just irony. But none the less it sure feels good to be able to sit back tonight amongst a clean and serene abode. With the sun setting at 3:55PM here in the last frontier, life is winding down tonight and Christmas eve is setting in. Living in Alaska. we are a long way from our relatives and family down in the lower 48, and being an hour behind them time wise, I can almost hear the sounds and smell the scents of family arriving for the evening of celebration down there, right about now.

This is one memory that I can comfortably hold for life, is Christmas eve with the extended family at mom and dads and grandma's house all those years before that. However my wife and I have evolved our own traditions into our little family unit over the years and have enjoyed our special times together and the wondrous memories made. So I look at tonight, this quiet night of only my wife, myself and our dogs, as a new and exciting segment of a history and memories to be held forever. So now comes the good part. Who are we, where are we and just what is it we are supposed to be doing?!

Life by no means stops here. Some would say that we are engaged in 'empty nest syndrome' an idea of which I won't say is far fetched. Dr. Phil would say....well, not sure what he would say. But suffice to say that everyone deals with things differently. I know of one set of parents that were just devastated when their young adult left the house. You would think their world was crumbling to an end! Frankly, when I look back on that, now that I am where I am, I don't think that was too healthy a place to be. So I think I will stick to 'life doesn't stop here' theory. We will continue to make traditions and memories, although for now it is on our own.

Personally, we were in no mood for the whole hoopla. No gifts this year, no tree, just a quiet day together, maybe watch a few good movies. But yesterday, my wife brought home a cute little table top tree. Her hopes were that somehow it would bring back some spirit. I looked at it several times yesterday, plunked out in the snow. It was like an irresistible little puppy out there. How could you ignore it or try and pretend that you weren't in the mood! If for no other reason, it was such a kind and sweet attempt from my wife to bring some hopeful happiness into the house for Christmas. And it worked! Today after we were done cleaning, we set up the little tree in a matter of minutes, and suddenly, much like a Christmas miracle, several gifts appeared out of nowhere and found themselves under our little tree!

The smells of days gone by began to fill our home as my wife began to cook casseroles for our dinner on Christmas, and made home made pizza, for Christmas eve. Mixed with the smell of a fresh Christmas tree I was feeling like I was home for Christmas. Suddenly in the final hours, there was hope for some kind of tradition to ensue all of lack of enthusiasm leading up to this day. Our son did pop in on his way home from work, just to say hi and get some help from me with a problem he had on his truck. He commented on how glad he was that we decided to get a tree, and stated that it was cute. Which, threw me because I thought for sure he would jab at us how small it was compared to what we usually have set up! But I think he was genuinely happy that we pulled out of the 'bah humbug' stance and got a tree.

Now, I realize that there is so much more to Christmas than presents and Santa and all of that jazz. The true meaning behind this day is of importance, that I fear so many along the way have side lined. With all of the shopping hype always in our face, and the commercialism abound, it is easy to get swept up in it all. Thankfully, we are simple people and have always been. So to the contrary we have never indulged the materialism. However, tradition has and always will be important. Whether it be watching midnight mass at the Vatican while we wrapped presents Christmas eve, or now even though there are no presents to wrap. Or setting up that tree each year. Volunteering at the food bank for the holidays, or inviting someone you know who has nobody to spend Christmas with. Whatever it is, tradition is so important especially when it comes to your impressionable youngsters. One other important thing I have been reminded of is the making of memories. No matter if you are a new empty nester, an old seasoned one, or still an active duty parent, with a house full, it is so important to make memories. In times such as this past week of the doldrums for me, these memories can be a healthy reflection.

I don't think there is a manual to instruct you how to act and what to do after the kids. Somehow I think it all comes to you naturally, and in time. It took a little nudge to get things moving just on time for Christmas this year. And although it will still be a very quiet one, there will be tradition both a little of new and of old. As most 19 year old's on their own, our son is not sure what will happen tomorrow on Christmas day. Tonight he exclaimed that he was overwhelmed with the stress of he and his girlfriend being at her moms tomorrow, and her dad wants them there, and we want him here.... Oh child, welcome to real life! Whatever he decides to do tomorrow, we are sure we will see him at some point, and hopefully in time he will remember all we did as a family, making memories and traditions, and he too will settle down into his own way of celebrating the holidays.

Things I have collected throughout the years:
Christmas is not just about gifts, but it is also about giving. But why give at Christmas when you can give all year long?!. Share with family and friends all year around. Be it time, help, advice, a little bit of yourself, or a trinket you may have found for someone that you know they would like. And why stop at family and friends?! It is so self satisfying to take a moment out for a complete and unsuspecting stranger. It has always befuddled me as to why so many people use "Christmas" as a reason to spend money on presents and material objects, when there is so much more to giving.
Traditions impress on the young. This is something they will carry on through their lives and one day will carry on with their own families. Make traditions that will have a lasting affect on your kids. Again, why wait for Christmas! You can make simple, silly and serious traditions all the way down to a family night once a week or every other week, or a bi-yearly family trip somewhere fun.
Memories will bloom out of traditions. We all have memories and often times when we are down, these memories will hold us and pull us through. I will definitely have many a fond memory of this different and unique Christmas for many years to come.

May you all have a hopeful and merry Christmas!